AI: Alternate Incarceration
by FFYP-det-Yagami
Summary: Misa gets some handcuffs. Light is unhappy about the situation at large. AU - contains ridiculous revenge, awkward situations, swearing, vague nudity, a love test, L in a suit, Misa, and the dreaded Ame-chan. You have been warned... //Bonus chapters//
1. Chapter 1: Jingle

_This fic is set outside of the actual Death-Note storyline_

_This fic is set outside of the actual Death-Note storyline. It concerns Light Yagami and Misa Amane - quite a bit, actually. The actual scenario occurs in an alternate reality where Light Yagami doesn't get the Death Note and therefore doesn't become Kira. However, he does know both L and Misa personally through other means (I can't quite place how, but I would imagine it would be thus: L gets involved in a case that concerns the NPA, Light gets involved, and due to his exceptional reasoning abilities L becomes friends with him (a bit lame, I know...). The Misa side of things is a little more difficult, though I imagine, considering that this is only a fan fic, that it doesn't matter all that much. I'll just assume that a shinigami other than Gelus killed her stalker before he could attack her, and instead of meeting her now dead stalker, Misa somehow manages to bump into Light. It's a bit flaky, I know, but let's just run with this one. Basically: no Death Notes, no shinigami, no Kira case, but still Light/L/Misa, cake, tennis, etc, etc.)_

_..._

_Let's just get on with the fic..._

--

**Synopsis:** Misa has an idea that seems very familiar to L, and to the average Death Note fan…

--

**Chapter One: Jingle**

jingle

Light cast a furtive glance over his shoulder. He was sure that someone was following him: though he could hear no definite footsteps, every so often...

jingle

There it was again.

He tried to shrug it off. It might just be another shadow L sent after him; it was natural, even for someone that L trusted as much as Light, to be kept an eye on. After all, being friends with an internationally renowned detective was enough to put anyone in a potentially dangerous predicament - even a fool... even Matsuda could work out that a detective that good would inevitably be a target of criminals around the world.

Yes, that was it. It was just another shadow... probably. If that was the case, he or she was probably only there for Light's personal protection...

jingle

Light stopped in his tracks, and strained his ears to listen.

...

jingle-jingle

It seemed to be coming closer...

jingle-jingle-jingle-jingle

He could hear footsteps now... They were quick, faint but close... It sounded like a child running towards him, Or...

jingle-jingle-jing...

Light felt something hard and metallic touch his right wrist. He bolted around in panic.

click

"... Misa!?"

She beamed up at him. "Hi Light!"

"Misa..." he narrowed his eyes at her, and considered his choice of words carefully. "Why... exactly... were you following me?"

The petite young model gazed up at him, biting her lip in silent mirth, and cast her eye for just a fraction of a second upon Light's wrist. "Well," she said, obviously trying to suppress a giggle, "does a girl really need a reason to want to be with her boyfriend?"

Light sighed. "Look, Misa. I have nothing against you personally, but... I've tried explaining this to you before, I even went on those dates with you to see whether I think it really could work... and frankly, I really can't see this relationship working between you an..."

He stopped. It was obvious that she wasn't listening. She seemed almost stupidly happy, and continued to look rapturously at his wrist.

At his...

Light made a few experimental movements with his right hand.

jingle

Raising his hand, he identified the source of the noise; a metal handcuff was secured around just under his wrist. With an involuntary groan, he followed the chain from his own wrist, with an already good guess where the other end was attached.

Sure enough, as his eyes reached the other end of chain, Misa's delicate left hand rose and gave a playful little wave. The handcuff on her wrist jangled against her jewellery.

"... Misa..."

Instantaneously, Misa's bubbling excitement overflowed. She hopped about frantically, and jabbered incomprehensibly until her mind caught up with her mouth. "Now Light belongs A-L-L to me! Just think, now we can go dating all the time, and, and... do everything together! We don't have to worry about ever being apart!"

Light grumbled. "Misa... Could you please just take this off now?"

She shook her head. "Nope! Misa wants to keep Light right by her side. I'm not going to take these off until I know you really, really, REALLY love me!"

Light looked down at his wrist again. Then he looked at Misa. Appearing to somewhat misjudge his emotions, she gripped his arm and hugged it alarmingly tightly.

"Do you really mean that?" he asked, with a little more distress in his tone of voice than he would have liked. "Are you sure handcuffs are necessary?"

Misa didn't answer directly. Instead, she seemed to reply by settling her head on Light's shoulder and snuggling against it. "Misa wants to keep Light right by her side, forever," she repeated, ominously.

Light had never truly feared for his life before. He decided that now was a good time to consider trying it out.

--

**Author's Note:** Sorry about the extreme shortness of this chapter - it's supposed to be just a sample so I could tell if anybody liked the general idea, or wanted to comment on my writing technique. There will be more.

Please review and reply!


	2. Chapter 2: Library

_Here is the second, markedly longer chapter of Light's confinement to Misa. Enjoy – he certainly won't._

_Oh, and because I forgot to mention this in the last chapter's notes, I suppose I should say something now:_

_Rather obviously, Death Note is not mine. Hence, Light Yagami, Misa Amane, and the idea of two people being chained together for one reason or another are also not my original ideas. It is a sad thing to have to admit, but there you go._

--

**Chapter Two: Library**

Light had never truly feared for his life before. He decided that now – his prospective future being chained to the frankly inane Misa Amane – was a good time to consider trying it out.

"So-o-o?" she grinned, cradling his arm. "What should we do first, Light?"

He scowled to himself. She was acting as though cuffing him was a joke. Refraining from giving her a piece of his mind and telling her exactly what he thought _she_ should go and do, he merely shrugged disinterestedly. "Whatever. I haven't got anything important to do right now anyway."

Obviously missing her male companion's unmasked sarcasm, Misa's smile only broadened. "Are you saying _I_ can choose what we do, then?"

A trickle of sweat ran down the side of Light's face. "I didn't say that…" As long as he didn't give Misa any chance of choosing their destination (because, frankly, God knows what they'd end up doing), then he'd be fine. "Actually, I have a couple of ideas where we could go, Misa."

She pouted, then almost immediately brightened up, much to Light's alarm. "Oh. Okay then! I'm sure that whatever you want to do will be a good choice!"

Light smiled to himself.

_Exactly as planned…_

--

"A _LIBRARY_!?" Misa groaned. ""You're taking me to a boring place like a library? Couldn't we go somewhere a little more… romantic?"

"Misa, you're the one making this difficult. I'm a college student, after all – even though I was the placed highest nationally in the entrance exams, I need to put at least a little effort into my studies. If you hadn't handcuffed yourself to me, you wouldn't have to come with me," he said, hoping in vain that she would reconsider her actions; that was the main reason that he had chosen to go to the library at any rate – if he persistently went to places that Misa would find dull, she would almost certainly give up and take the cuffs off.

Right?

She seemed almost oblivious to his argument, however. "But Light is really smart anyway. He doesn't NEED to be any smarter – Misa will love him no matter what!"

Light tried to find the exact relevance of this, but quickly gave up. Eventually, he said, "I'm going to go in."

Misa pulled a face. "Fine… "

She followed him into the building, her pace a little more laboured and solemn than it had been only moments before she had discovered their destination. As they walked through the door, she sighed dramatically.

"How long are we going to be here?" She mumbled, her head backwards. "This place is so boring…"

"Oh, come on," said Light. "You can't expect to leave now – we've only just arrived."

"But it _is_ boring," she pouted. "It's just lots and lots of books. There's nothing fun to do here… It's just lots of books, and some chairs and things, and some ugly old people with cardigans. Misa wouldn't know what to do if Light wasn't with her. Misa would probably just leave…" She gave a less than subtle tug with her left arm, jangling the chain of the handcuffs. When she noticed that Light wasn't going to back down so easily, she resorted to more drastic measures; practically throwing herself onto his arm and gripping onto his shirt as a small child would. "Light won't be long in here, will he?"

Light folded his arms to the best of his ability, considering the minute model he had clamped firmly to his right side. "Look. Libraries aren't all about 'boring old books'. In fact, I'm sure that this library stocks those magazines that you like to read. You can look through one of those whilst I'm looking for the books I need."

"Hmm… Okay then!" Light helpfully headed over to the magazine rack first, so that Misa could choose a magazine and – consequently – stop annoying him so much. She leafed through a few pages of a particularly tabloid publication, and folded it under her arm. "I've got one. Now Light can find his book and we can go do something fun, right?"

"… Right, Misa," he mumbled, heading towards the psychology section.

As he reached the correct shelf and began his search for the book in he was looking for, Misa flipped open the flimsy magazine.

There was a short period of almost blissful silence, where Light could almost pretend that she wasn't even there…

"Li-ight…" A mulberry-painted fingernail tapped his arm, and he glanced up. Misa held the magazine up. "I've read this one already."

He glowered. "…Then why did you pick it up?"

"Because I couldn't remember if I had or not. But I have. Can Misa get another one?"

Light sighed, and folded his arms. "Fine. I suppose if you've already read it…"

"Thanks, Light!" she beamed, throwing her arms around him. It seemed strangely apparent that she was willing to give a gratuitous amount of appraisal for a minimum amount of help on his part. He didn't know whether to be happy or terrified with this, and so decided to stay stoic on this one.

They headed back to the rack and replaced Misa's magazine for one that she claimed she was absolutely sure she hadn't read yet. Then, a little more deliberately than before, they headed back to the psychology section. Light was almost surprised when she opened the magazine and continued reading it, giving him enough time to locate his book – he was secretly expecting the same thing to happen again, seeing as that would be the most infuriating thing to happen.

With reference book in hand, Light led Misa over to an empty table and gestured for her to sit down next to him. Now it was only a matter of finding the information that he needed…

He opened the book.

He began reading.

"Light…"

"Mm?" he replied, not removing his eyes from the page.

"Would you say I was only _sixth_ prettiest out of these people?"

"What?"

Misa placed the magazine article over Light's book. "You see, they had this poll to see which model had done the best shoots for them, and who was the prettiest, and… and I came sixth. Behind…" she pointed darkly, an air of disgust on her face, "… _HER_."

Light glanced at the image of model number five. She seemed just as vacuous and stupid-looking as most of the other models. "Hmm," he said, without giving it much thought.

Misa frowned. "Is that a 'yes' hmm, or a 'no' hmm?"

"It's a 'hmm'," said Light, a little disturbed at the fact that a sentence that incoherent had just passed his lips. "It didn't mean anything."

"Well… what do you think? Who's prettier out of me or… _THAT_?"

He cast his eyes at the picture again, then looked up at Misa. "… This isn't a fair contest. I can't judge who is prettier, purely because I know you personally. If nothing else, I've never physically met or seen this other model… or any of these women, other than you."

"Yay!" Misa hugged him again. "Misa wins!"

Light refrained himself for asking exactly how this proved anything, but unfortunately that wasn't enough to stop her from explaining herself.

"Light chose Misa because he likes her as a person too, not just because he thinks Misa is pretty!" She squeaked. "That is so CUTE!!" She rocked back and forth, cradling him and snuggling her head against his hair. "Yay, Light!"

"So…" Light took the chance, "does that mean that I've proven that I love you enough?"

"Nope!" Misa hugged him even tighter, to the point that it almost felt painful. "Not yet!"

"Oh," he murmured. "I… see."

"Anyway, have you finished with your book yet, Light?" she said, slackening her arms from around him and returning completely to her seat. "Misa is getting bo-o-red…" She yawned, as though to prove this point.

Light carefully removed the magazine from the book, and placed it in front of Misa. Looking down at the page that he had been attempting to read, he noticed that he had only just managed to reach the third line. "… I might be a little while longer. Why don't you just continue reading, and I'll tell you when I'm done, okay?"

"Okay!!"

Light looked back down at the book.

He began reading again.

"Light…"

"… Misa, I'm reading."

Misa clasped her hand to her mouth. "Oops. Sorry. I'll let you read. That way you can get finished quicker, right?"

"Right."

Light looked back down at the book.

Again, he began to read.

"Umm, Light…" Misa whispered.

Light looked up. He closed the book.

"Alright. Fine," he said sharply, standing up and picking up the book. "Misa, we're going."

"Really?" she smiled.

Light cast a glance at her that probably could have killed a full-grown man. His grip on the book grew just a little tighter. "Yes. Yes we are."

"Oh," Misa nodded. "Okay then, if you want to. But… can Misa just finish reading this magazine before we go?"

Light suppressed a growl.

--

**Author's Note:** _I just want to take this opportunity to thank those who read, reviewed or marked the last chapter as a favourite. I am, truly, honoured that people think that it was good._

_I'd also like to mention that if anyone has any situations that they would like Light and Misa to find themselves in that could be amusing, feel free to leave comments stating your idea, as I'm trying to stockpile enough interesting ideas for this fic as I possibly can. Any suggestions will be duly considered._

_On a final note, to the fans of other DN characters – especially L, Watari, and the task force members: I am planning on incorporating them into the plot sometime soon – promise!!_

_Please feel free to review and comment as you see fit…_


	3. Chapter 3: Shopping

_Third chapters are kind of like third dates – if you get this far with something, you're probably not going to give up on it without a fight._

_… Well, that's usually the case with me, at any rate._

_As already stated, Death Note, its characters and concepts, and all things affiliated with it (except, of course, this fan fic), does not belong to me. It belongs to Tsugumi Ohba and Takeshi Obata, two extremely intelligent and talented individuals who I envy with every last fibre of my being. Curse those wonderful, wonderful people._

--

**Chapter Three: Shopping**

Misa's eyes lit up at Light's words as they headed out of the library. "Ooh, so we're going _shopping_ now?"

"Well, yes, technically," he groaned, "but we're just picking something up. We're not strictly going shopping for ourselves."

"Oh." She didn't look quite as happy now. "… So what are we picking up, then?"

"A present."

"What kind of present? Who is it for?"

"You can see for yourself when we get there."

The pair made their way to the local shopping mall, all the while Misa chattering to her increasingly unresponsive companion. After what seemed like a lifetime of walking and trying to blank out the incessant questions he was being bombarded with, Light arrived at the correct shop.

"Here we are, Misa," he said.

She gazed up at the sign, then glanced through the window. She grinned. "This is where you're getting the present from? Really?"

"Yes."

"Light…" she held his arm tightly. "This… is a clothes shop. A _lady's_ clothes shop. Are you buying Misa a present?" Light worried that his arm was losing sufficient blood flow, due to the sheer intensity of her grip.

"… No, Misa," he sighed. "It's for my sister, Sayu. Her birthday is coming up soon, and I've picking up a dress as a present for her."

Misa's surprisingly iron grip slackened.

"Oh," she muttered, a little crestfallen. Quickly, however, she regained her usual exuberant self. "Have you chosen a dress yet? Would you like Misa to choose one your sister might like?"

Light briefly imagined his sister transforming into an exact duplicate of the miniature model attached to him. "No, no, that's okay…" he said quickly. "At any rate, I'm not sure you know Sayu well enough to know what sort of clothes she would want to like – and I think I have a good idea of what I think I'm going to ge…"

"Silly! A man can't choose a woman's clothing – not even someone as wonderful as Light, sorry!" Misa hopped about excitedly. "Leave it to me; Misa is a professional when it comes to this sort of thing, you know!" she giggled.

Without giving him a chance to argue, she dragged Light into the shop and headed straight to the corner that appeared to contain the frilliest items of clothing. Her thin arms began rifling through the clothes on the rails in the manner of – Light had to admit – someone extremely skilled and seasoned in this particular field.

Literally only minutes later, a dress emerged from the rack in her clutches. "What do you think of this one?" she said, dangling the hanger from her thumb. It was, as Light had imagined, not entirely unlike something Misa herself would wear: all lace and ruffles, black with a dark purple trim.

Light wrinkled his nose a little. "Erm…"

"Perhaps I should try it on first, so you can see what it's like on somebody!" Misa said, obviously ecstatic at the idea of trying it on.

Light raised his right hand and waved. The chain of the handcuffs jangled. "Changing might be a little bit of a problem." As he said this, very uncomfortable thoughts of the consequences of being chained to Misa crept into his mind. He tried not to consider them too deeply at the moment.

Misa, however, seemed to miss these future complications, and merely considered the situation for a moment. "Well, okay then. I'll buy this one so you can see what somebody looks like wearing it." She smiled, perhaps trying to cover up her obvious ploy to buy herself things. "Let's look for another one."

She found another four dresses, and each one suffered the same fate as the first – being prospectively placed in Misa's already expansive wardrobe. It was only when Light finally managed to drag her into an area of more conservative dresses (that is, ones that didn't automatically reveal the wearer's underclothes, or strongly resemble some bizarrely gothic cake) that she found one that seemed bearable, in his opinion.

"That's the one," Light decided, and took it from Misa's hand. Thankfully, Misa didn't seem quite so attached to this one to buy it as well, as it was basically nondescript when compared to her earlier choices, but as she herself had chosen it, Light was sure that she was happy with his decision too.

They went to the counter and bought the dresses (he vaguely acknowledged that the shop assistant seemed to know Misa extremely well), and finally left the shop.

"Have you got any more things you need to buy for your sister's birthday?" Misa asked, a little overenthusiastically. "You know, like jewellery, or make-up… some of my mascara's going a bit gloopy, now I think of it…"

"No. I've finished all the things I could do today," said Light, though he wasn't at all relieved by this fact. "We don't need to shop for any more things like that."

"Oh…" Misa thought for a while. A mischievous grin spread across her face. "So, does that mean that _I_ can decide what to do next, then?"

"Yes…" said Light. "That is, after we've taken our shopping home. I don't know about you, but I don't exactly want to be carrying these things about all over the place."

"I suppose not," she said. "Light is so thoughtful!" Her arms wrapped around him once again. He began to feel immunity to it kicking in, due to the sheer amount of times she had hugged him today.

"Okay," he said, turning to leave the mall.

Then he paused.

He stood, silent and stoic, for a second or two.

"Misa…" he said, slowly.

"What is it, Light?"

"… Where exactly are we headed?"

"Huh?" Misa looked confused. "You just said we were heading home to drop our shopping off."

"I know," Light said. "But… You and I live in completely different places."

"Yeah."

Light massaged his temples. "Misa. If I said that we, that is you and I, should head home, but we live in completely different places… and we're still chained together… where exactly will we be going?"

"Oh yeah…" Misa said, sounding surprised but not entirely fazed by this. "I hadn't thought of that! Well, wherever you want to go is fine with me, Light!"

Light glanced down at the handcuff. He just wanted to go home… and for Misa to go to her own place…

"I suppose we could go to your house," said Misa. "After all, you're more comfortable there, and Misa wouldn't want Light to feel unhappy."

Light looked up at her. From her expression, it appeared that she truly seemed to mean that.

_You're doing a great job so far_, he thought dryly to himself.

"Fine," he replied. "Let's go, Misa."

--

"I'm home," Light said, bending over to remove his shoes and receiving a soft giggle from Misa who was standing behind him.

A little to his dismay, Sayu popped her head around the corner. "Hi, Light! You brought Misa home?" She grinned, obviously more interested in the idol behind him. "Have you been shopping?"

Light glanced around at the bags, and then cast a pointedly stern gaze towards Misa. He hoped she wasn't absent-minded enough to let it slip exactly why they had been buying clothes in the first place.

"Yes," he nodded. "Misa just wanted to show me some dresses she wanted to get, and then one thing led to another – isn't that right, Misa?"

Misa paused. "… Y-Yeah!" she said, eventually. "Light was so happy with them, I couldn't just leave them there! I _would_ show you all of them, but THAT one –" she pointed at the bag containing Sayu's birthday present "– is a surprise for Light…" With that remark, she raised an eyebrow suggestively.

Sayu giggled.

Misa giggled.

Light rolled his eyes. At least that avoided one particular complication…

"He must be pretty serious with you," said Sayu. "I mean, getting Light to go girl-shopping with you must have been pretty tough – not many boys would do that, I guess."

"Nope! Light's special!" Misa beamed. "He wanted to come. In fact, he was the one who suggested it, right?"

Light nodded darkly. He wasn't fond of the turns this conversation was taking.

"In fact," Misa said, deciding to take advantage of the situation at hand, wrapping her arms around Light once again, "he was even saying before that…"

She stopped.

Sayu was staring at something.

"Are those," Sayu pointed at Misa's wrist, "handcuffs you two are wearing?"

--

**Author's Note:** _Again, thanks to all the people who read, reviewed or marked the story as a favourite. You've been very supportive, even more than you probably realise. I'm so glad that my first try at fan-fiction has been this well-received._

_Also, I am still open to any suggestions that people would care to make about situations they would like to see Light and Misa in. All opinions and ideas will be considered and could be used in later chapters._

_I would like to pose the question to all readers: does my fic seem reasonable? If things had turned out this way in 'Death Note', and Misa had met Light by some other means, do you think that it could have worked out this way? I'm just curious to see whether other people agree with me._

_Please review or reply to any of the above as you wish…_

_P.S. More characters are coming, very soon. For all those L fans out there, I imagine (from the way I want things to work out) that he'll make his first appearance in Chapters 6 or 7, though I can't say for certain as – obviously – I haven't written that far yet. Stay tuned…_


	4. Chapter 4: Surprise

_Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, shinigami of all ages: welcome to the fourth instalment of A_

_Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, shinigami of all ages: welcome to the fourth instalment of A.I. – Alternate Incarceration._

_Erm…_

_Hope you like it…_

_To labour the point once more, Death Note isn't mine. Hence the fan-fiction. Death Note actually belongs to Tsugumi Ohba and Takeshi Obata – I'm just borrowing it for a while, is all._

--

**Chapter Four: Surprise**

Sayu stared, a mixture of confusion and bewilderment in her expression. She pointed at the model's wrist. "Are you… wearing handcuffs, Misa-Misa?"

Misa looked down at the cuff around her left wrist. "Oh… Oh, yeah!" She raised her hand as high as she could, and Light's arm followed suit limply. "Light and Misa are wearing handcuffs together!"

Sayu's face didn't change. "Erm…" she said. "Why?"

It was Misa's turn to be confused. "… Why? Because Misa LOVES Light, that's why!!"

Silence.

"Erm…"

"Sayu." Light folded his arms. "Misa decided to chain herself to me to… experience definite proof of my love for her." He smiled a little, congratulating himself on navigating the subject without making himself out as a willing participant of this 'experiment', whilst not offending Misa _or_ outright confirming whether he did or did not love her. "She told me that she wouldn't remove these handcuffs until she was secure in knowing my… true feelings for her."

"So, Misa wants you tell her how much you love her, which is why she's attached to you – so you get to spend all your time with her…" Sayu pondered on this for a moment. Eventually, she said, "That's cute! A bit weird… but cute!"

"Yay! Misa and Light are cute together!" Misa smiled. "See, Light? Light is _meant_ to be with Misa, if we're cute together!"

"Hmm," said Light.

Sayu, meanwhile, was still casting vaguely sceptical glances over at the chain linking her brother and Misa together. "Umm…" she said, stepping a little closer to the pair to take a closer look, "so does that mean that you'll be taking that off at the end of the day, or are you going to be staying here for the night then, Misa?"

The blood running through Light's veins froze. Sayu had asked the one question he was hoping she wouldn't: now that she had posed it to Misa…

He looked over to Misa. Sure enough, he could see her mouth coil up into a cheeky grin, her eyes sparkling. "Misa hadn't thought of that… but…" her smile grew a little wider, "… Light?"

He groaned. "What," he said, not bothering to actually ask it as a question as he knew exactly what was coming next.

"Do you think I could stay here for just a few days? Only, you know how much I don't want to leave you, and…" she wrapped her arm around his, "Misa gets the feeling that Light doesn't want Misa to leave him either…"

Light was almost astounded at her complete misjudgement, but quickly remembered that it was Misa he was dealing with here. "Well…" he said, but was quickly interrupted.

Sayu was giggling. "Aw, Light's looking all shy! He must really love you, Misa!" Then, she raised her hand as an idea struck her. "I know – I'll go ask mom whether you can stay over. I get the feeling I should leave you two alone anyway…!!" With that, and still giggling, she turned on her heels and headed back through the door she had come through.

"I like your sister!" Misa said, predictably.

"That's… great," Light grumbled.

Seconds later, Sayu dashed back into the hallway, looking a little crestfallen. "Erm…" she said, solemnly, "she'd like to see you both before she decides."

Misa and Light followed her through the door this time, from which she led them into the kitchen. Light held a vain hope that his mother would be less than pleased about a model being chained to her son, and – thankfully – as they entered the room, Sachiko Yagami greeted them both with an apprehensive gaze.

"Now, Light," she said, uncertainty wavering her voice a little, "I don't want you to think that I'm nagging you, or trying to stop you doing what you want to do…" Her eyes wandered from her son, to Misa, and then finally to the chain that linked them together.

She coughed a little.

"You know I don't mind," Light smiled reassuringly. "I know that whatever you have to say is only being said because you're worried about my wellbeing." He prepared himself for her disapproval, and tried not to look too pleased with the situation.

"I'm glad that my son has grown up to be such an understanding young man," Sachiko smiled back at him, though was obviously trying to ignore Misa's presence as she did so. "I just have to ask about this… ah… _handcuff_ situation."

"What about it?"

"Well… It's just a little… worrying," she said. "I understand that you may be serious about Misa…"

Misa giggled.

"… but… being handcuffed together is going just a little over the top, isn't it?"

Light attempted to look as passive as possible as he turned from his mother to Misa. "It does seem a bit extreme, I suppose. Perhaps we should take it off, Misa. It probably would be for the best."

Everyone in the room grew still for a moment. Light could see Misa was seriously considering the situation. Then…

"Umm… excuse me, Yagami-san…" she said, turning to face Sachiko. "I have a question."

Sachiko looked a little taken aback, but nodded. "Okay."

"Why don't you like the idea of Misa and Light being together like this?"

"… Well, I have nothing against the two of you being _together_…" Light's mother tried to explain as slowly and simply as humanly possible, "… but handcuffs are another matter. I'm only concerned about the problems that might come from it."

"Oh," Misa said. "What kind of problems?"

Sachiko was a little exasperated at this question, and took a fair few minutes to reply. "… I… suppose I don't want either of you to lose your own personal privacy, for one. Plus, it would make certain…" she faltered a little, "… activities a little difficult."

"Oh, okay." Misa took a long pause, then said, "… So you aren't happy about Light and Misa being chained together because you think it might be hard for us to deal with it?"

"I… suppose so, yes."

"Okay. Can I make a suggestion, please, Yagami-san?"

Sachiko narrowed her eyes a little. "Yes…?"

"Well, Light is very clever, right?" Misa asked. Sachiko nodded. "And very sensible, too." Sachiko nodded again. "And… Misa loves Light. Misa would never try to do anything that would make him sad, or angry – and Misa would never try to get in Light's way.

"This afternoon, we went to the library, just like Light wanted to, and Misa tried not to interrupt his studies. Right, Light?"

Light begrudgingly supposed that Misa probably wasn't _trying_ to irritate him. "I suppose," he mumbled.

"And afterwards, we went shopping, and…" she glanced around – Sayu had left the kitchen to watch television. Misa continued at a whisper. "… Misa helped Light pick his sister's – your daughter's – birthday present. Wasn't I helpful, Light?"

"… Yes, I guess you were," Light said, surprised at the fact that this – again – was at least partially true. She had been helpful, if a little slow and distracted.

"Thank you!" Misa smiled. "I only want to help Light; no matter what happens Misa will try to be whatever Light wants her to be. Misa will make sure that she never gets Light into trouble as long as she's around."

A stunned silence ensued. Light could sense his mother trying to judge how honest Misa was being. He already knew that – somewhat distressingly – she had meant every single word.

"… But…" Sachiko said, "… what about… other things? Other… personal things? Like… washing, for example."

"Misa will be good – Misa won't do anything Light doesn't tell her to."

Sachiko looked at Misa, and could tell that she was genuine in this claim. She also took pride in knowing her son, and knowing exactly how responsible and level-headed he was.

Light's throat grew dry.

"Well… As long as you two keep to your word, and don't get into any trouble, I suppose…" Sachiko replied, "… there's no way I can really argue with it… I guess you can stay with us for now, at least."

"Yay!" Misa's arms were thrown about Light's neck unceremoniously. "Thank you very much, Yagami-san! We promise we'll be good!"

Light, defeated and now subjected to inadvertent suffocation, managed to prise the model off of him. When he eventually gained the ability to speak once again, he nodded politely to his mother and took Misa by the arm. "Come on then, Misa," he said, sternly. "We'd better move all that shopping we left in the hallway."

"Okay, Light!" she giggled, following him through the door and picking up one of the bags, and leaving him to deal with the other three.

Picking up the bags and leading her up the stairs, Light's mind was still working overtime. Misa had navigated that situation – one he was sure she had no chance of winning – perfectly. In fact, she'd turned the tables completely. How had she managed it? Was it merely luck, or…

Had he underestimated her? Was she… (dare he even think it?) … marginally intelligent? Whatever it was, he had better keep a careful eye on her…

--

**Author's Note:** _Again, kudos to all readers, especially those who have reviewed and/or made this fic a favourite of theirs. Thanks – your perseverance with this story will (at least, I hope) be rewarded._

_This is undeniably my favourite chapter so far, as it gave me good scope to use the earlier chapters as reference. It also posed me with a bit of a narrative challenge, which the chapters so far haven't been able to do. When I got about half way through writing this, I was almost completely sure that I'd backed myself into a corner and Misa would have to take off the cuffs, which would have meant that my story was over. Unlike Light, I'm really glad that Misa ended up with the situation swinging in her favour._

_As per usual, all reviews are welcome, as are any suggestions of situations you'd like to see them get into._

_Next update should be pretty soon. Please stay tuned._


	5. Chapter 5: Bathroom

_Welcome back, readers. I hope you're enjoying reading this story as much as I am writing it. This is the fifth instalment, and this – surprisingly – is almost undeniable proof that I am more dedicated to writing this than I have ever been to anything else I have put on the internet. Hell, I've worked on this for over a whole week now, which is a little odd for me._

_…_

_I digress._

_Again, Death Note is not mine. It's somebody else's. For one thing, I'm not fluent Japanese, which shoots that theory down._

--

**Chapter Five: Bathroom**

Picking up the shopping bags and leading Misa up the stairs, Light's mind was racing. Misa had somehow managed to change an almost inevitable loss completely around, seemingly without much effort. How had she managed it? Had he underestimated her?

Whatever it was, he had better keep an eye on her from now on…

He reached his bedroom door and – with surprising ease considering the bulky baggage he was carrying – flicked the handle down, letting the door swing back lazily. Deciding to play the gentleman (which, of course, he was anyway), he kindly ushered Misa into his room and followed her inside.

As she entered, Misa quickly dropped her own shopping bag onto the floor, and whilst Light picked it back up and neatly rearranged it with the others, she took the arduous task of merely gazing about vacantly.

"Hmmmm…" she tapped a forefinger to her chin, in the manner of one apparently in deep thought. "If I'm going to be spending all my time with you, Light, we're going to have to do something about this place. You don't mind if Misa gets a few things to make your room more pretty, do you?"

Light took a quick glance around his room. He couldn't imagine how anyone could pick faults in it: he kept it neat, neutral and practical for everyday accommodation. Surely that was all it needed to be. At any rate, the idea of giving Misa a chance to decorate actually terrified him. "We'll see," he said and, hoping to avert any further pursuit of the subject, added, "What would you like to do now?"

"Ooh! So I really can finally decide what we're going to do?" Misa squeaked, almost completely forgetting about decorating.

"Yes. I said you could before, didn't I?" said Light.

"We-e-ell... I want to go somewhere _romantic_," she grinned, "and _quiet_ so we can have a love-chat… and, and…"

Light looked down at his watch. "… Okay then, Misa," He smiled back at her. "You just take me wherever you want to go, and I promise I won't argue."

It took Misa a full quarter-hour of discussing and debating – mainly with herself – over the pros and cons of various venues. In Light's opinion, they all sounded either terribly boring, tediously predictable, or an agonising mixture of both. Eventually, after seventeen whole minutes, she had settled (somewhat indecisively) on having a romantic stroll in a nearby park. They prepared to head out immediately.

All the while, Light kept an eye on his watch.

He was still smiling.

Then, at the last moment, just as they had descended the stairs and were making their way to the door, Sachiko Yagami's voice called from the kitchen.

"Dinner's ready, everyone!"

Light smirked behind the now frozen model, amused by the sheer brilliance of his mother's timing. "Well," he said, as apologetically as he could manage, "I suppose we can't go out now, then."

"But, but…" Misa turned to face him, with a look of genuine horror about her. "… We could just buy something to eat while we're out instead, maybe?"

Light shook his head. "My mother will have prepared enough for four: you, me, Sayu and herself, as my father won't be home tonight. I doubt she'd be pleased if we went out to eat after she's put in all that effort."

Misa pouted. "Aww… But Misa wanted to go _dating_…"

"Never mind, Misa," Light said, placing his hands on her shoulders and maintaining a solemn demeanour. "There might be time afterwards. Think of it this way – now you can get a feel for what it's like to be one of the Yagami family."

Unsurprisingly, his last comment cheered her up no end. "One of the Yagami family…" she said, a little hazily. "Okay. I suppose it can wait until after."

--

Light Yagami was bored.

It had become painfully apparent that Misa was possibly one of the slowest eaters he had ever encountered. What made matters worse was the fact that Sayu and his mother seemed to be terribly interested in asking Misa as many questions about her career, her family, and all other manner of things, which slowed her down even further. Even he seemed to be inadvertently prolonging her already agonisingly slow method of eating as, every time he looked at her – even through the corner of his eyes – she always seemed to be watching _him_ eating (or, more accurately as the meal dragged on, watching him looking disinterested and trying to separate himself from the conversation). She watched at him with a sort of childlike fascination, which disturbed him just a little.

At least, he supposed, the rate at which she was eating narrowed down the chance of them being able to do _anything_ afterwards. The only major downside to this was that the closer the end of the day grew, the closer the time to go to bed became – and that, above all things (except, perhaps, his next shower with Misa still resolutely attached to him), was a matter he dreaded.

He would have to think of a definite plan. A foolproof way to get her to take the chain off, but without having to endanger either of their own lives or, preferably, offending anyone. Now, how was he going to…?

The chain of the handcuffs clanked. His right hand jerked involuntarily. Misa wanted something.

"What is it, Misa?" he asked.

She looked at him, a little embarrassed. "… I need the toilet…"

… And that, he decided, was also another undesirable situation he wasn't looking forward to. "Alright," he said, gritting his teeth a little and lifting himself from his seat. It took him a surprising amount of time to raise himself to a standing position, mainly because he was apprehensive about dealing with Misa's… problem, and partially down to the fact that he had been sitting down for so long that it felt almost as though the chair had become symbiotic to him.

Calmly, they quickly left the dining table, headed slowly through to the hallway, and climbed the stairs. They reached the bathroom door.

Light looked at Misa.

Misa looked at Light.

"… So…?" he said.

"… Can I go in, please?" she said.

"Yes, but… how are we going to do this, exactly?"

Misa looked puzzled. Misa looked frustrated. Then, most worryingly, Misa looked as though she had an idea. "I know. Misa will go in, and Light can just stand outside and wait."

Light rattled the chain demonstratively.

"I know that, silly! You'll just have to keep your arm through the door!"

Light wasn't exactly thrilled by this idea, but knew that she was unlikely to agree to any other suggestion – especially if it meant taking the chain off for any period of time. He nodded grimly, and opened the door to let her in.

The door swung as closed as it could be, with his arm stopping it. He hoped that the chain was long enough for Misa to actually reach the toilet…

In the mean time, Light resolutely decided, he would think of other things. Any other things. Anything that didn't involve Misa, or bathrooms, or similar. The situation was awkward enough, with his arm shoved through a gap in the door, without having his mind wandering onto the technicalities of the matter.

He would think about… tennis. Yes. Tennis was a distracting enough sport; he would think about tennis. Tennis – a sport that requires the players to have balanced agility, accuracy, strength and grace. He was very good at tennis. So was L. In fact, L was almost as good as him. Perhaps he should challenge L to another match soon: yes, that seemed like something fun to do…

… If he didn't have a horrendous handicap at present; that is, a Misa constantly attached to him.

He tried to think of something else instead. He would think about… university. Yes, he would think about all the things he had to do for his courses…

… And all the problems that would arise when he had to go in for lessons, bringing Misa with him. This thought unfortunately triggered off more rather unpleasant ideas – the worst being the awkward situation of going to a public toilet. Would Misa really pull him into a women's bathroom?

…

"Are you finished yet?!" Light asked, a little desperately.

The toilet flushed. "Almost," she said. "All I have to do now is wash my…"

Light met the door with a muffled thump, as his right arm was pulled by the chain.

"Oops, sorry!" Misa giggled. "I suppose you'll have to come in now, Misa needs to wash her hands."

Light opened the door and stepped through it, rubbing his head where it made impact with the door. He watched vaguely as Misa ran her hands under the sink tap, lathered her hands with soap, and rinsed once more.

"Towel, please!" Light passed her a towel, and she dried her hands. Now that she was completely finished, she finally noticed Light's disgruntled expression. "What's the matter, Light?"

Light was still rubbing his buzzing head. "It's nothing, Misa. I'm fine," he growled.

"Awww…" she said, wrapping her arms around him for the umpteenth time today. "Light must have hurt himself! Let Misa kiss it better for you…" She stood on her tiptoes and seemed to begin climbing up him, her eyes closed, her lips puckered, and her face getting dangerously close to his own.

"It was just a bump," he said, trying to push her off of him. "Anyway, it's your fault I'm hurt – if you would have warned me, I wouldn't have hit the door."

"Oh," Misa said, slowly releasing her grip and inching her way back down to her feet. "Misa is sorry, Light. Misa didn't mean to hurt you…"

"It's okay…" Light groaned, not wanting the person he would have to spend so much time with to be miserable, "I'm not going to hold it against you, Misa."

"Yay!" Misa said, her expression brightening. Light was astounded at how quickly her emotions seemed to change. "Okay then, Light – so now we can go on our _romantic walk_!!"

"Great…"

Without further hesitation, Misa guided Light out of the bathroom and down the stairs. She reached the front door and swung it open.

"Light? Misa?"

Light smiled as his mother called again.

"Are you two going out?"

"Yes."

"Oh, okay. I was just wondering whether you could drop these spare clothes off for your father."

"Do you mind, Misa?" Light asked, already knowing the answer. "It isn't far to the NPA headquarters, so it won't be _too_ out of the way."

Misa actually appeared to be glowering, which was a new and unfamiliar expression for him to see upon her. She sighed sharply, and planted her hands firmly on her hips. "… Fine," she pouted. "As long as we can stay out afterwards."

"I promise," he said. "We can stay out for as long as you like."

He only realised exactly how terrible a mistake he had made when Misa's foul mood melted away, and a sinister grin stretched across her face. Before he had any chance to talk his way out of it, she had said "Okay, Light", with just a twinge of malice in her voice.

Light merely thought, _Fuck_.

--

**Author's Note:** _Thank you very much, o wise readers of good taste who read this fic. Whether you have been persevering with it from the beginning (which was over a whole week ago!!) or have just dropped in right now, I thank you. Lots._

_I must make a special effort to thank Yokai no Miko, who pointed out my rather silly error of keeping anonymous reviews at bay. That has, I believe, all been sorted now. Ta much._

_This chapter was originally going to be a lot longer, and was going to take them up to actually going to sleep. Eventually I decided against that because I thought it might get a little cluttered… I hope this has worked out for the best (that is, for everyone other than Light). I made Light uncharacteristically make a mistake at the end of this chapter, because I reckoned that – given the situation – he would probably be at least a little distracted. I suppose I could also argue that the bump on the head shook loose a couple of thousand brain cells, but that sounds a little stupid, so I won't._

_Again, obviously, I promote anyone and everyone to have their say about this fic: be it as an actual review, or in the form of voicing any ideas you want to see committed to paper (or, more accurately, the screen via black pixelated alphabet characters). I assure you that everything will be read and taken onboard._

_A head's up – awkward situations abound in the next update. Misa will be very happy; Light… less so. Stay tuned._


	6. Chapter 6: Sleep

_Another day, another chapter. This one happens to include Light and Misa getting changed. No, before anyone assumes anything, it's astonishingly tame._

_Hope you enjoy this one._

_DISCLAIMER: Death Note ain't mine. Well, not legally, at any rate. It belongs to some very talented Japanese guys. Then again, as this is a fan fiction website, and you were looking for Death Note, I guess you would have worked that one out anyway._

--

**Chapter Six: Sleep**

The door rattled a little. Through it, in the warm glow of the hallway light, muffled voices could be heard muttering a little sleepily to one another.

Something metallic was scratching against the side of the door.

It opened.

Finally, after eight attempts, Light had managed to open his own front door. Of course, it would have been much easier if he hadn't had his arms clamped firmly to his sides by a very tired, very 'friendly' Misa.

He lumbered through the door, which again was rather difficult with a woman stuck on him – even if she was only just under five foot tall – and slipped his feet skilfully out of his shoes. Misa, vaguely noticing this, loosened her limpet-like grip and removed her own shoes.

"So, Light…" she said, her eyes closed dreamily. "Did you enjoy our walk?"

They had been out for over four hours. In fact, they would have still been walking around, sitting on benches and talking about absolutely nothing at all even now if Sachiko hadn't phoned to ask if they were actually coming home this evening, or whether they had somehow managed to get themselves lost.

Now, Light was tired. He could barely feel anything of his legs but a dull, constant ache. Dropping his father's spare clothes off now seemed so brief, and so very, very long ago. He had been a little more than disappointed that he hadn't been able to see his father, or anyone else – even Matsuda would have been better than another one of those faceless NPA receptionists; at least he could have wasted a little more time talking if he had met someone he actually knew… No such luck.

For the last two hours he had been talking mainly about footwear, and had been asked no less than twenty times if he thought Misa should do something 'a little different' with her hair. Frankly, right now Light Yagami didn't care – about Misa, about shoes, about rational thought, about ANYTHING – and all he really wanted to do was curl up in bed with a book and a cup of tea, and completely forget about everyone and everything else in the world.

"… It was… an experience," he said, flatly.

"Hmm…" she smiled vaguely, and wrapped herself around him again.

Light sighed and, with almost all of his physical effort, lurched both Misa and himself forwards. He clumsily made his way to the stairwell, and wriggled his arms out of her grip. Raising his right hand to her ear, he clanked the handcuff chain. "Misa…"

"Mm?" Misa's eyes slowly blinked open, and turned upwards to look at him. "Light? What do you need Misa for?"

"… Can you let go of me for a little while?" he asked. "Or, at the very least, try to keep awake. I might find it a little difficult to climb the stairs otherwise."

"Mmm… Okay, Light…" Misa's arms fell lazily to her sides. "I'm really glad you enjoyed tonight… Maybe we can go for walks like that _every_ night, huh?"

Light restrained himself from throttling the girl beside him.

Instead, he kept his composure and merely replied, "I think we should probably think about that some other time, don't you? After all, we're both a little tired." He regarded his last comment as a bit of an understatement – Misa was wobbling about on her feet, and seemed to be making faint mewing noises, not unlike a sleeping kitten. "Let's just… Let's just go to bed, shall we?"

He assumed Misa nodded in response, though it was a little hard to tell.

They made their slow ascent up the stairs, and eventually arrived at Light's bedroom. They entered, Misa almost tripping over her own feet as they did so, and both collapsed simultaneously on the bed.

Light stared blankly at the ceiling. The day had been an absolute nightmare, and with Misa still chained to him, the near future – at the very least, tomorrow – was looking anything but bright. He was quite shocked with himself at how much her presence seemed to be getting to him, after so short a time: after all, she seemed to follow him around most of the time, so why had it only really grated on his nerves today? He assumed it was the fact that there was no chance of brushing her off this time – she was (almost literally) pinned to him now. And, worse than that, she seemed to be getting her own way.

What was happening here? How had her relatively stupid plan managed to work out almost entirely in her favour? And exactly how far had she planned ahead on this?

He glanced across at Misa. She seemed to have almost completely fallen asleep, and was still mewing – only now a little louder.

Light shook his head. He was thinking too much about the situation. He was tired, and he'd had a bad day. Misa couldn't have possibly orchestrated anything beyond getting the cuffs on him – the rest was just pure luck. That was it, surely.

A little happier, he slowly drew his eyes to a close…

…

His eyes blinked open again. They looked downwards. He sighed.

In Light's opinion, nobody should be allowed to fall asleep fully clothed; especially himself. Yes, he was tired and frustrated, but that didn't mean he could skip getting changed for bed, or miss brushing his teeth. And, as she was almost certainly going to be sharing the bed with him, Misa would have to do the same.

He nudged her arm.

"Meh?"

"Misa," he said.

She purred a little, and flipped herself away from him. "Mm...tired…" she mumbled.

"Come on, Misa."

"… Tired…"

Light grumbled, and sat up as far as the chain would allow. "Misa, we need to get changed."

She stayed still for a moment, and then, slowly, sat up next to him. She was positively beaming. "… You mean Misa and Light are going to… put on some different clothes?"

"Yes. We're going to bed."

Misa's smile grew even wider.

"To _sleep_."

"Oh," she said, but she was still smiling.

--

"Look, can we just go to sleep now?" Light asked, with just a twinge of exasperation. "I thought you were tired, Misa."

"Well…" she giggled, "… Misa is a bit too excited to be tired now. Light _did_ just get changed into his pyjamas…"

"Yes. And you're wearing some of Sayu's pyjamas," he sighed. "Can we just go to bed now?"

Misa looked down at her clothes, and frowned a little. "Hmm… yeah, about these… Do you think Misa looks okay in them? Do they fit okay?"

"They're pyjamas, Misa."

"But," she looked up at him, and seemed genuinely concerned, "_do_ they look okay?"

Light rolled his eyes. "They look fine. They look wonderful, okay? They look fantastic. Can we _please_ just go to sleep now?"

Misa's eyes grew wider. "Light thinks Misa looks fantastic – in pyjamas…!!" She threw her arms around him. "Misa is so _happy_!!" she giggled.

"… Okay," he said, "so can we go to bed?"

"Okay, Light!" she smiled. "Anything you say!"

With that, the pair turned off the light and slipped into bed.

Closing his eyes and trying to ignore Misa and the handcuffs still being present, Light's mind still swam with the uncomfortable experiences he had endured to get this far in the day: none more uncomfortable than the ordeal of actually getting changed.

First, there had been the fiasco of actually getting Misa a set of pyjamas to wear. She had coyly asked whether he had any old shirts she could wear, he decided he would ignore that and asked Sayu if she had anything to lend, Sayu had rummaged through seemingly mountains of clothes…

Then, after they had eventually found something for Misa, there came the daunting task of actually getting changed. Light had imagined – or at least hoped in vain – that seeing as it would be physically impossible to take clothes off and put others on whilst wearing a pair of handcuffs, Misa would sensibly decide to remove them for the time being.

Instead, worryingly, she made no motion to do so.

"Okay, now you take off your trousers," she had said, obviously in glee, "and put on your other pants. Misa promises not to watch!" She covered her eyes demonstratively, still grinning, and – seeing no way of persuading her otherwise, Light obliged… to the sound of muffled girlish chuckling. "And now," she removed her hands – _remarkably_ before he had even told her that he was finished, "we just move the handcuffs."

Misa had then taken the handcuff from her own wrist, and Light had almost believed that she was going to remove it completely… until she attached her cuff to his ankle. Detaching the chain from his wrist, she latched this end to the post of his bed. "You can take your top off now," she said.

She didn't seem to motion towards covering her eyes again. Light eventually hinted that she should – telling her that he would rather 'keep himself baring his body for a different occasion', which he supposed wasn't technically a lie. Again, she covered her eyes, bit her lip whilst obviously watching him change through her fingers, and then decided to get changed herself. She promised that, when she was finished, she would chain them back together by the wrist - which didn't exactly fill Light with confidence.

She had said, with a smirk, "No peeking!" which he felt was a little unfair, despite the fact that he had no real desire _to_ peek: after all, she had been ogling at him all the time. He, with a little more consideration, turned to face away from her – and, to cover all bases, covered his eyes whilst doing so. There was no telling what Misa would do sometimes… as today had shown all too clearly.

But, now, as he lay in bed, he was safe in the knowledge that – at the very least – the day had finally drawn to a close.

Light felt himself slowly ease into sleep…

…

Light felt an elbow gently meet his spine. "Light…"

He didn't even open his eyes. "What is it, Misa?"

"… Nothing," she said.

…

The elbow connected with his spine again, this time a little more forcefully.

"Li –"

"What IS it, Misa?"

"I had fun today," she said. "I hope you had fun today too. Did you have fun today, Light?"

Light groaned, opened his eyes, and rolled over. As he settled on his other side, he noticed that Misa seemed to be abnormally close to him. Her nose was only a few centimetres from his own, which made him feel a little uncomfortable to say the least. Ignoring this, he merely said, "Didn't I answer you earlier? After we came in from the walk?"

"Nope," she said, gazing at him, her eyes merging into a single, giant one from Light's perspective. "I only asked you about the walk then. What did you think of today?"

He was too tired to start an argument. "It was… pretty fun, I suppose," he murmured, hating himself as he did so.

"Oh. Okay. I just wanted to know. Thanks Light!"

Misa rolled over.

Light stared through the darkness at the back of her head for a while. Then, giving up, he flopped onto his other side and closed his eyes again.

Annoyingly, he found it extremely difficult to fall asleep. It felt as if hours passed as he just lay there. Misa, on the other hand, dropped off quite quickly; even more annoyingly, the further she settled into sleep, the more she seemed to fidget – and, as every now and then a hand or a knee or a foot would graze past him, he found it all the more impossible to tune the rest of the world out.

Eventually… _Eventually_, – out of sheer exhaustion, most probably – Light's consciousness drifted away from him, and he finally fell asleep…

…

--

"Gwah!?"

Light sat bolt upright and lifted his hands to, after several attempts, his eye.

He had awoken to pain. Pain, he noticed as he blearily glanced back at the other person in his bed, in the form of Misa Amane. He watched as her hand settled on the pillow where his head – or, more specifically, his eye – had been only moments before.

"Mmnnlight… Mis'-Misa… lovennn…" She was mumbling in her sleep, obviously unfazed by the fact that she had just punched him square in the face.

_So what am I supposed to do now?_ He thought, miserably. He couldn't go and put any ice over his eye – which was surprisingly stinging like hell – and Misa's arm was currently occupying where he was supposed to be lying.

He watched, vacantly, dazed by the ache of his eye and unbelievable tiredness, as Misa seemed to be making out with his pillow. Gradually, as his patience waned, he decided to seize his chance, lifted her arm as delicately as possible, and slipped underneath it. As he let go, her arm dropped – this time, across his chest.

Too tired to be bothered any more, he didn't move her and promptly fell back to sleep.

--

**Author's Note:** _Glad I got that chapter over with – there was a helluva lot of content I wanted to cram into it, and only barely enough space to fit it in. I hope I've done alright. If you feel that I haven't, feel free to hit me or, preferably, review._

_Once again, I want to thank everybody that reads, reviews or favourites this fic. You are, along with Death Note and copious amounts of chocolate, the driving force behind this work. Thank you so much. Really honestly._

_This chapter stands as testament to taking reader suggestions – if anybody else wants to give their ideas, feel free (and believe me, all the ideas I've been getting from you guys so far have been awesome – keep 'em coming)._

_A little note: I apologise to all non-British readers for the evident 'Britishyness' I've included here: that is, 'pajamas', if nothing else. Sorry about that. I just prefer spelling it 'pyjamas' – and, at any rate, I'm allowed to be just a little patriotic every once in a while, right?_

_Another apology to those expecting task force or L to appear in this chapter: It got a little cramped this time, so I decided to give them a miss this time. However, for those that want their World's Greatest Detective fix, I have a sneaking suspicion he will be appearing next chapter…_

_Hope I've said everything I wanted to say._

_Stay tuned…_


	7. Chapter 7: Message

_Do you know that, last chapter, I wasted 307 words babbling (that is, this disclaimer part and my author's note combined)? I almost feel ashamed about that. From this point on, I will strive to avoid as much pointless rambling as possible._

_Normal service will resume below…_

_DISCLAIMER: Death Note ain't mine. Never has been, never will be. That's a bit of a disappointment, really._

--

**Chapter Seven: Message**

"Oh no!!"

Light wriggled awake, and began the arduous task of opening his eyes.

"Poor Light!" Without warning, his partially open right eye was met with Misa's lips. "Poor, poor Light!" She kissed his eye again. "How did this happen? How did Light hurt himself? Poor Light…"

Before she had a chance to kiss him once more, Light sat up – bumping his forehead into hers in the ascent. Massaging his temples in a grumpy, half-awake haze, he cleared the dryness in his throat. "Misa… What the hell are you going on about?"

Rubbing her own head dejectedly, Misa pouted. "Misa was only worried about Light…" she said, pointing at his eye. "Misa just wanted to kiss her boyfriend better."

Light tried to recall exactly what had happened last night, but purple blotches kept getting in the way of his thoughts. Eventually, once he had readjusted, he remembered the little 'incident' in the middle of the night, where Misa had punched him in the eye in her sleep. He noticed, with a wince, that his vision seemed a little blurry this morning.

He grumbled a little. "Misa?" he asked.

"What's the matter, Light?"

"Can you tell me exactly what has happened to my eye?"

Misa adopted a piteous expression, and wrapped her arms around his waist for what was likely to be the first of _many_ times today. "Something bad must have happened in the night," she cooed. "Did you bump yourself? Are you okay? How did you bump yourself? Do you want Misa to kiss it better?"

"… I think you tried that one, Misa," said Light. Attempting to gloss over her offer, he repeated, "Can you tell me what my eye looks like, please?"

"Oh… umm…" she withdrew a little, "It looks… a little… umm…"

"… 'It looks a little' – what?" Light was starting to get annoyed, and he had only been awake for a few minutes. "Come on, Misa. Just tell me. I don't mind."

Misa burst into tears at this, and clamped herself even tighter to him. "Oh Light!! Misa still loves you!! Misa doesn't mind what happens!! Misa doesn't care if Light has a black eye – Misa loves Light!!"

A black eye. Testament to the 'love' he shared with Misa. How apt. "Look," he growled. "I have a… sneaking suspicion that you were the one that gave me this black eye. Can you just leave me alone?"

Misa covered her mouth in shock. "… Misa would never hurt Light… And, and… and anyway, Misa would never be able to do _that_ –" she poked a finger at the swollen purple-red flesh around his eyelid "– to _anybody_… could I?"

"Well, regardless, you were the one who did it."

She looked pensive for a moment, then seemed to come to some sort of decision. "Well, if Misa was the one who hurt Light, then Misa will be the one to make it up to Light today. But first…"

Misa scrambled off of the bed, and beckoned for Light to follow her. He did so begrudgingly, and made his way out of the room as he was almost dragged into the bathroom. Without even bothering to ask whether she was allowed to do so, she threw open the medicine cabinet and began rooting through various tubes and bottles. Eventually, after making a complete mess, she shrugged and left the room, pulling Light unwillingly behind her.

"… What are you looking for?" asked Light. He received no reply.

They arrived back at Light's room. Misa headed straight towards the neat pile of shopping still languishing on the floor from yesterday afternoon, and dived in. After a few moments of frantic rummaging, she grew still. "Aha!" she smiled, re-emerging from the now extremely messy pile of shopping and holding a small, black bag aloft. Again not giving any due warning, she headed back to the bathroom, all the while Light following bemusedly.

Finally, as they arrived back in the bathroom – which was now strewn with some former contents of the medicine cabinet, she turned to face him. "Sit down, please," she beamed.

A little warily, Light perched himself on the edge of the bath. "What are you planning to do?"

Misa opened the little black bag and, from it, pulled out a slim, shiny object. "I'm going to make your eye look better," she said, with a surprising matter-of-fact tone to her voice, and flipped open the compact.

"… Misa…" he said, staring with faint dread at the make-up bag.

"Don't worry, Light! I'm an expert when it comes to these things."

Light braced himself for the worst.

… When she had finished fussing over colours and dabbing at his face, Misa showed him his reflection in the mirror. He was… quite surprised, actually. Though he hadn't had the chance to see himself before make-up, he didn't look half as bad as he thought he would. Of course, he did seem a little puffy around his right eye, and he would have preferred if he hadn't been forced into wearing make-up in the first place – or, even better, if he hadn't been punched in the eye – but… on the whole, he looked rather presentable.

"Thank you, Misa," he said incredulously.

"That's okay, Light. I just want to make sure that you're happy!" She smiled, and zipped the cosmetics bag closed. "Now you just wait while I have a wash and get myself ready."

"But… I need to wash too, Misa."

She shook her head. "You can't wash now, silly! All the make-up would run."

"… But…"

"You should have thought of that before I helped you out."

Light opened his mouth to argue, but then reconsidered. He sighed to himself. "Fine. Let me get something to do and you can chain me to the towel rail until you're done."

"Hey…" Misa mused. "That's… a really good idea. Light is so smart! Okay!"

Traipsing back to his room, Light plucked up his mobile phone, a notepad and his mechanical pencil, and they headed back to the bathroom. Misa unshackled herself quickly, made Light promise that he "wouldn't peek unless Misa told him it was okay", and set to the long, apparently difficult task of getting ready.

Whilst waiting, Light casually turned on his phone and tapped a short message…

Elsewhere, a phone played out an anonymous tune.

Two long, pale fingers instinctively caught the edge of it, and plucked it from the desk. With casual yet remarkable skill, the fingers somehow flipped the phone open. A pair of large, dark eyes scanned the tiny screen.

A rare, thin smile appeared on L's lips.

His free hand scoured the rest of the desk for the plate. Once located, he plucked last remaining item up by its cocktail stick, carefully twisted the undesirable cheese chunk and olive off, and gradually scraped the pineapple cube into his mouth by his teeth.

L flipped his mobile phone closed with a clack.

"Watari?" he said.

The aged man standing behind L's chair removed the now empty plate, and replaced it with an ice cream sundae he had been preparing. "Yes?"

"Please read the message from Light-kun, and tell me what you think."

Dangling the phone from his fingertips, L passed it into Watari's hand. Watari checked the last message; the only message – perhaps even the only information – on the phone.

It read:

A little bored today. Anything I can help with concerning the case? I have a few things to discuss with you anyway.

"Well?" said L, who was still smiling.

"I imagine he wants to talk with you for a reason not pertaining to the current case," Watari said, passing the phone back into L's clutches.

"Exactly. Light-kun is not the kind of individual to ask permission in aiding us. Usually he acts of his own accord, and uses my work as a reference point." L placed the phone back down onto the desk, and took a generous spoonful of the ice cream sundae. Mouth now full, he continued. "Also, as he sent a message so early in the morning, it stands to reason that he is in some desperation to see me – or preoccupy himself." He swallowed, and quickly took another mouthful of sundae. "The most important part of this message, however, is the fact that it _is_ a message. Light-kun is not predisposed to keeping contact with me indirectly, and also knows that I am much the same. He usually contacts me by calling me, which leads me to believe that his current situation is desperate: probably, he is in some predicament that doesn't allow him to actually talk to me. Interesting…"

"Are you going to reply?" asked Watari.

L curled and flexed his toes on the soft material of his chair. "Yes. Though first I need to contact Yagami-san." He extended one of his arms and lightly tapped a button marked 'NPA-Soichiro' on his microphone, and leaned over a little. "Yagami-san?"

The sound of scraping chairs and a general buzz of low, distant voices emanated from his laptop's speakers. "L?" Soichiro Yagami's voice sprang out of the police force hubbub. "What is it? This is a bit of an inopportune time, so – please – if you can, make it brief."

"… I understand. The work you are doing at present takes primary importance, of course. I wouldn't want to disturb your progression on the case more than is absolutely necessary."

"Thank you," Soichiro replied. "I… I wouldn't ask if we weren't in such a position, but would you mind if I put our communications on speakerphone? The only other people that will be able to hear our conversation are Matsuda, Aizawa and Ukita."

L pretended to consider this. "I suppose that is alright – and, as I said, the case is of more importance than this information; at the very least on a national scale. May I continue?" He heard a faint click, and the static on the communications link grew a little louder.

"Yes," said Soichiro.

"Thank you, Yagami-san. I am contacting to inform you that, according to my deductions," L paused for a few moments, considering how exactly he should present his next words, "… I believe that your son has become confined by some means to Misa Amane."

There was a stunned silence at the end of the line, which lasted almost long enough for L to become concerned that they were still connected. "Yagami-san?"

"… I'm still here, L," he replied, slowly. "But I don't think I quite understand. Light has been 'confined' to Misa Amane? What do you mean? How do you know?"

"Light-kun sent me a very suspicious message. By the tone and context of it, and from prior knowledge I have received from your son and yourself, I can glean from the message that he has found himself in some situation which causes him distress." L took his spoon from the ice cream sundae, and scooped a little whipped cream from it with his tongue. "However, seeing as he was able to send the message to me and even offered to meet up with me, it leads me to believe that he is still in possession of free will and movement, and therefore has not been accosted by any actual criminals. Considering this, the time at which I received the message, and the suspicious behaviour Misa-san seemed to have a few days ago, I can only assume that she has put some action into practice that has detained Light-kun and placed him in a position where he cannot escape from her. If this is the case, I must say that I underestimated Misa-san's abilities: being able to do something as drastic as that just to receive attention from your boyfriend shows real dedication."

Again, almost complete silence greeted him from Soichiro's end of the line. L could nearly hear every jaw in the room drop.

"… I… see," said Mr. Yagami.

"I merely wanted to inform you of this to avoid any unnecessary shock when you either found your son is now living with Misa or," he paused, and neatly spooned the cherry from the sundae glass, "has been… attached to her by some other means."

With that, he severed the communications link.

L plucked his mobile phone up again. Quickly, and one-handed as he still demolished the ice cream before him, he typed a message back to Light.

Light's phone vibrated silently in his palm. He flipped it open, and read L's reply.

Feel free to visit me. I have a few things I too would like to discuss, preferably alone. Boredom only breeds contempt, Light-kun.

So… L had worked out his message. And now, he was only a few steps away from getting Misa to take the chain off.

"Misa?" he called.

"Mm?" she mumbled through closed lips as she slowly applied her lipstick.

"L just sent a message to me. He wants me to drop by – he needs to discuss something about the case he's working on. I'm really sorry about this, but it looks like we'll have to put your plan of cheering me up on hold for a little while." Sincerely, he added, "we won't be long."

Misa made a disapproving noise, then shrugged. "Mm-mm…" she said, which – Light guessed – was supposed to be her saying 'Okay…'

The corners of Light's mouth turned upwards into a smirk.

_It will end… this easily…_

--

**Author's Note:** _Ta-dah! A surprisingly… dark instalment (if you can call it that), considering the subject matter and all. I really liked the idea of parodying a lot of DN's more serious aspects, and I hope I've delivered with this._

_The next chapter is promising to be one of my favourites, as it will involve Light, Misa and L bouncing off one another. They're all really awesome._

_Thanks to the readers, as per usual, as your support and enjoyment of this fic is really the reason why I'm still committed to writing this. Any comments and/or suggestions you want to make are, as always, gracefully and willingly accepted. You're all really awesome too._

_As an additional, completely unrelated note, I would like to mention that – this morning – I bought a copy of The Sims. I made a Light, and a Misa, and watched to see how they would react. I discovered the following:_

_Misa was surprisingly committed to her modelling job, and was actually very capable as an independent. Light stayed up abnormally late, working on a computer. What I thought was most amusing was that when Misa eventually got Light to move in with her, within his first day he ate rancid food and promptly died._

_Is Misa really that annoying to live with?_

_… Excuse my babbling. Didn't I say I would stop doing that?_

_…_

_Well, that lasted long, didn't it?_

_Stay tuned…_


	8. BONUS: Misa Review

_Hi again._

_I have decided to mix things up a little. I want to see whether anyone likes this idea…_

_This is not a chapter of the story. This is a bit of a deviation from the rules… It is, in fact, a bit of post-modern fluff. Irregular for a fic, the information below is not necessary for the rest of the story. It is not a continuation, or anything that could be deemed to be directly related to the plot of the fan fic whatsoever._

_This is a review._

_A review written entirely by Misa Amane._

_The slant I'm trying to take is that Misa has read (or rather, is reading) this fic, and has decided to write a review of it. Now, whilst that seems to have a fair few holes in it, it just seemed like a fun idea to me._

_DISCLAIMER: Death Note isn't mine. Not one bit._

--

**:BONUS 1:**

**MISA-MISA REVIEW**

**A.I – Alternate Incarceration**

**(Chapters 1-7)**

Hello Mr. FFYP-detYagami!! (What does that mean anyway? Are you really one of the Yagami family? Are you Light in disguise? I hope so )

My name is Misa Amane (better known as Misa-Misa!) and I've been reading your story. The one about Light and Misa getting chained together. I wanted to tell you that I LOVE YOUR STORY!! It has Light in it, it has Misa in it, and it's given me one of the BEST IDEAS EVER!!

My favourite chapter so far is chapter 6, because Misa goes to bed with Light (xX Xx), and has a really nice walk with him too. My least favourite chapter is chapter 7, because… because Light isn't in it enough. Could you write that one again? Can you write Light in it more? P-L-E-A-S-E??

Actually, there are a few things I think you might want to write again, to make your story REALLY good. I think that Light seems a bit too grumpy when you write him most of the time. I know he's super-serious, but it kinda seems sometimes that he's getting _mad_ at Misa. Light would never get mad with Misa, silly! Light xXxLOVESxXx his Misa!!

Another thing. All of the places Light and Misa usually go in your story are really BORING. Libraries are not good places to go on dates – Misa KNOWS.

And you really shouldn't write about Ryuzaki and the police guys in your story. They're a bit weird, and probably don't need to be in your story. Misa and Light are the important ones.

Oh, and one more thing. Misa would NEVER EVER EVER give Light a black eye. Even if Misa was asleep. Misa would NEVER EVER EVER hurt Light EVER. I almost cried when I read that bit, so don't do it ever again. Misa LOVES Light.

The other day, I showed Light your story. He didn't seem very keen on it. Maybe it isn't clever enough for Light… but I want him to like it like Misa does. Could you please make it cleverer for Light to read? Oh… wait, actually, maybe it isn't about cleverness, because I showed Ryuzaki your story too, and he said it was 'amusing', so he must have liked it. Maybe Light is a little cleverer than him too…

Other than all these things, your story is great. Alternate Incastration is one of Misa's favourite internet stories! Please keep writing it, and giving Misa good ideas!

Love

xXx Misa-MisaxXx

P.S. Why's your story called Alternate Incastration?

P.S.S. You said you wanted suggestions for things to happen to Light and Misa. How about Light taking Misa to a candle-lit dinner and then having a walk on the beach at night, and then… Light and Misa could have… XD

P.S.S.S. You asked in chapter 3 does your fic seem reasonable. Misa already said that it's good!

P.S.S.S.S. Do you think I could write a story like yours? With Light's help, of course

--

**Author's Note:** _A few things to note here…_

_1) Anyone is free to ask what my name means. This does not mean I'm liable to answer. That isn't to say I won't, it just means I'm not likely to._

_2) My story is not called Alternate Incastration. It is called Alternate Incarceration because I thought that sounded cool AND relevant._

_3) Repeated use of P.S should go: P.S.; P.P.S; P.P.P.S; etc, etc, ad infinitum..._

_4) I am not writing chapters again, Misa._

_..._

_Basically, this is a piece of randomness that I just wanted to write. I'm not trying to use this to make fun of anyone, least of all (oddly) Misa. It's just that every once in a while I like to give myself the opportunity to really get inside a character's head. This is one of those instances._

_I find that writing as Misa is very therapeutic – it allows me to forget that I have a fully-functioning brain for a while._

_I will be posting Chapter 8 soon. I just wanted something to tide me over. If anybody is willing, I would like to know if anybody likes the review – and if so, whether they think I should write more when I get a little more story done - say in about seven more chapters. If nobody likes it, no more will be done. Simple enough._

_Sorry to anyone who finds this offensive and/or puerile. Misa sometimes is._

_Thanks again to my supportive readers. At last count (30th August 2008), this story had 20 reviews, 801 hits, 4 favs, and 6 alerts. I am absolutely astounded._


	9. Chapter 8: Lies

_Sometimes, when I'm writing, I get the feeling that I'm doing something akin to using a Death Note myself: I hold a certain power over those I'm writing about and, little by little, I seal their fate – no matter how pleasant or unpleasant it is._

_Sorry to be a little melodramatic, but that's how it feels. I'd like to know if other writers out there have similar experiences because, contrary to what Light is probably feeling in my fic right now, I think it's nice to have somebody else in the same boat every once in a while._

_Enough with me. Let's get on with the story._

_DISCLAIMER: Death Note, be it the manga, anime, films, spin-off book (…) or merchandise, is not mine. Not legally, at least._

--

**Chapter Eight: Lies**

Several hours later, after Misa had finished putting on her make up, decided what to wear and – eventually – eaten her breakfast, Light urged her out of the door before she could distract herself with something else.

They began their walk to L's current base.

Misa pouted silently for almost the entire journey. Light was a little taken aback by this, as he had grown used to her constant incessant chatter over the past twelve hours or so. He even began to worry that she had become angry with him.

"Misa… You seem a little… upset. Is it anything I've done?" he asked.

She sighed, and placed her hands firmly on her hips. "… When we see him, Misa is going to give L a piece of her mind! Making poor Light do work and messing up our day…"

Light smiled. Typical old Misa. "It isn't his fault. Something must have just come up. You have to understand that other people don't always do what you want them to."

"I know," she said dejectedly. "But… I just wish they didn't."

Light laughed at this. "Doesn't everybody? I'm sure the world would be a much happier place if everyone did what you wanted them to. It's human nature."

"Uh-huh." A smile crept slowly across Misa's lips, and her arm linked with his. "I'm glad Light understands!"

After a short while longer, they reached the hotel and took the elevator to the fifth floor. As they drew closer to room number 162, the door opened. They were greeted by Watari, and ushered inside. Not far inside, L sat hunched over a laptop in his usual peculiar fashion.

"Light-kun," he said, not raising his eyes from the screen. "I see you have brought Misa-san with you."

"It would be hard for me not to, L," Light replied, raising his arm and jangling the chain of the handcuffs.

"Oh," said L. He didn't sound exactly surprised. "Was this a conscious decision between the two of you, to attach yourself to one another like this? It seems rather an extreme length to go to." His fingers gingerly tapped the keys of his laptop as he paused. Then, he added, "And, Light-kun – please refrain from calling me 'L' again. I believed that I already told you to refer to me as 'Takeshi' for the duration of this case. For safety's sake."

"Fine… _Takeshi_," Light grimaced a little. He was not fond of calling L by his current pseudonym, yet he wasn't quite sure why. It merely made him a little uncomfortable. "You said you had something to discuss with me."

"That's correct. I did have a few things I wished to discuss with you…" L cast a cold glance in Misa's direction. "I also stated that I preferably wished to discuss these matters alone. I'm afraid that your current… situation… doesn't seem to allow that, though."

"Well, Misa could always take the handcuffs off," Light said, vainly hoping that this might work. "After all, if this is important information, I guess it would be in everyone's best interests…"

Misa opened her mouth to speak.

"I don't think that's entirely necessary, Light-kun. What I wanted to discuss with you was more personal than anything actually pertaining to the case. If you and Misa-san are comfortable with this, I imagine our discussions can go ahead."

Misa nodded. Light sighed.

"First, however, you stated in your message to me that you too had something you wished to talk about with me," said L. "As you sent your message before I sent mine, I think you should go first."

Simultaneously, Light and L cast sideways glances at Misa.

Quickly, Light adopted a suitably shocked expression. "Message? I didn't send you any messages, Takeshi."

L turned away from his laptop to face the pair. His hand withdrew into one of his jeans pockets, and flipped out a mobile phone. "Really? That certainly is strange, Light-kun. If what you're saying is true, then it leaves me no option but to believe that somebody else has been using your mobile phone. That's very irresponsible of you, Light-kun."

"That's not true!" said Misa, finally springing into action in defence of her boyfriend. "Don't be mean to Light! Misa's Light is careful – he had his phone with him all the time. Maybe… maybe it was just somebody else sending you a message."

L scowled at her. "I highly doubt that, Misa-san. Only a select group of people have my mobile number, and…" he clicked a few buttons on his phone, and handed it over to Misa, "… can you confirm that the number from which this message was sent is Light-kun's?"

"… I don't know Light's number: I gave him one of my phones to talk to me on." Despite this, she still inspected the screen intently. "Can Misa borrow this for a minute?" she beamed.

"Certainly," said L, vaguely smiling back. "There is no other information that you can access, so please feel free to copy Light-kun's personal mobile number for your own use. I'm sure, as he is willing to be chained to you, that he has no problem with this. Right, Light-kun?"

Light forced himself to nod. For his plan to work, sacrifices like this had to be made…

"The mystery of who exactly sent this message still stands, however," L mused, "if both Light-kun's and Misa-san's statements are true. I suppose the only possible way for this to have occurred without Light-kun sending me the message himself," his gaze came to rest firmly on Light at this point, "is that someone is using his phone as a relay by which to contact me. Though I can't quite imagine someone putting in so much effort, this does present us with a very serious breach of security…" he reached out an arm, and snatched his phone from Misa's grip. "Light-kun, would you mind if I were to confiscate your phone for a while? I would like to analyse it, as a safety precaution."

_Damn that L_. "I guess that's okay… But that would mean that no one other than Misa will be able to contact me," Light glanced down at his wrist, "and I'm pretty sure I won't be getting a call from her any time soon. At least not a long-distance one."

"If you were to give me your other phone number, I would be able to divert all calls made from the one I am confiscating to the one which you are holding," L added helpfully. "Would that be okay?"

Light was beginning to see that there was little chance of L being anything other than a hindrance in this situation. Submitting to this and giving L his mobile phone was a pretty big risk, and gave L a perfect chance to moderate what phone calls actually reached him. This put him almost completely in the hands of L and… Misa. However, not submitting to this would be admitting that he had sent the message, which would also put him in a difficult predicament…

He sighed, and plucked his mobile from his pocket. "Fine."

"Thank you for being so cooperative, Light-kun," L swiped it from his hand. "Now, as you said that you were not the one who sent me the message, and therefore didn't actually state that you needed to discuss anything with me… may I say what I was going to tell you?"

"Okay."

"That is, the personal information I would rather have told you alone."

"Yes."

"Thank you," said L. "I would like to warn you about something I noticed about Misa-san."

"Me!?" Misa squeaked. "You can't talk about me! I'm here!"

"Would you rather we talk about you behind your back, Misa-san?"

She opened her mouth, and shut it again. Her arms folded as she gave L a venomous glare. "No… but Light wouldn't talk about me behind my back anyway. Light isn't MEAN like you."

"Then it's settled," said L, apparently ignoring Misa's remark. "Light-kun, there is something you should know about Misa-san."

Light, who had been almost as stunned as Misa had been, composed himself. "And what is that?"

"Well, only a few days ago, she came to me and began asking me all manner of questions – mainly concerning the surveillance and pursuit of individuals. She also seemed very eager to talk about you, but as this _is_ Misa-san, I didn't find this particularly of note." L turned to Misa at this point. "Did I miss anything out?"

"You weren't supposed to tell Light…" she mumbled, a little nervously.

"Oh, I remember," said L, ignoring her once again. "She was also interested in methods of mobile detainment, and so I supplied her with a set of handcuffs… the handcuffs, or so it appears, that you two are wearing… for her to examine. In hindsight, perhaps that was a little ill-advised… As you are both here now, in the manner that you are, the conversation seems to make more sense: obviously, Misa had planned to pursue you and... capture you. I would not have given her anything if I had only known what her plans might have been."

Light glowered. _Liar. You, L, are a liar. Even a pre-schooler could work out Misa's plan from that – you're the world's greatest detective, for crying out loud. You knew exactly what her plan was, and you decided it would be fun to help her out. You wanted to see what I would do._

Eventually, he said, "I see."

"I am sorry to see that our meeting has been a waste of time," L said, returning to his laptop. "However, thank you for bringing the matter of your phone to light, Light-kun. You may leave after you have given me your other number. I imagine you and Misa-san have other things you wish to do today, so I won't keep you any longer."

"… Okay, Takeshi," Light murmured expressionlessly, handing his other phone to L and watching as the pale detective deftly transferred the number to the other mobile in his possession. L handed the phone back to him. "We'll be leaving then. We wouldn't want to get in your way either. As ever, don't hesitate to call if you have anything you want me to do concerning the case."

"I won't."

"Good," said Light. "Let's go, Misa."

As the pair reached the door, L called from his chair. "By the way, Light-kun – I noticed your eye seemed a little puffy. Maybe you should see about that."

"Goodbye, Takeshi."

Light and Misa left the hotel.

Light kept his fists firmly clenched.

"… Um… Light?"

"What is it, Misa?" he snapped.

"You aren't… mad at me, are you?" she mumbled. "For planning this, or for chaining myself to you… are you?"

Light stopped. He stared firmly at the ground.

"No, Misa. I'm not mad with you for chaining yourself to me. In fact, I'm not mad with you at all. Quite the reverse," he said, smiling at nothing in particular.

"Really?" Misa said hopefully.

"Yes. I'm very, very happy that you decided you wanted to be with me. I'm happy that we can be together all the time. I'm happy that you had the courage to go through with this." Light felt the inevitable impact as Misa threw her arms around him. "In fact, I'm so happy, I think…"

"What's up, Light?" Misa said, her face buried in his chest. "What are you thinking?"

"I was thinking about how lonely and miserable L seems," Light grinned to himself just out of Misa's point of view. "And I was thinking how he pesters me all the time. I was also thinking how happy I am with someone like you around me."

Misa gasped. "OOOH!! MISA KNOWS WHAT TO DO!!" she squealed.

"Whatever are you thinking, Misa?" Light's smile broadened as she pulled away from him.

"Misa will get L a girlfriend!! Then he won't be so weird and annoy you all the time!!"

_This way, Misa will put all her efforts into getting back at L a girlfriend… whilst I can get L back by Misa pairing him up with one of her equally vacuous friends. This also gives me enough time to figure out a foolproof way of getting these handcuffs off… Everything's going as planned…_

"That…" he said, "… is a brilliant idea. Now why don't we go and do something a little more fun?"

"Misa knows what we can do! Come with me!"

--

**Author's Note:** _I swear, writing this is beyond fun. I am loving this._

_This chapter seems to take the story in a new direction. Still Light and Misa chained together, but now there's a bit more of a purpose behind it. I hope everyone likes where this is going…_

_My only qualm with this chapter is the fact that it seems a little rushed on re-reading. Then again, this is another one of those parts that I had a lot to fit into. Never mind._

_Thanks to the readers once again. You're all awesome. I'm still accepting suggestions for what can happen in the story, and anyone is free to review – in fact, I wholeheartedly support anyone with constructive criticism or observations about my fic._

_Please, stay tuned._


	10. Chapter 9: Sacrifice

_Excuse me. May I take the time to talk a little about why I like Death Note?_

_Death Note is an amalgam of all the best things in the world. It's manga. It has gothic elements. It combines subtle humour with a serious plot. It has seriously screwed up characters. It's both utterly believable and completely unfeasible. Almost all of the characters are likeable to a degree (excepting, in my opinion – Kyosuke Higuchi and Kiyomi Takada (she just gets to me). And, finally – almost amazingly – if you think about it hard enough, the only truly bad thing in the entire story is Kira._

_Not Light Yagami, you understand. Light Yagami is actually a rather respectable young man. He's very nice. He cares about people. I'm talking about Kira._

_In my mind, practically from the offset, Light Yagami and Kira have always been separate. Light uses the Death Note for the good of mankind. Kira uses the Death Note to attain power. From the very first time Light kills someone, he develops a dual personality, until – eventually – one consumes the other. In my opinion, Light Yagami really dies in volume 7 of the manga. Light Yagami dies as soon as he regains his memories of Kira._

_Like Misa, I am pro-Light Yagami. Unlike Misa, I am anti-Kira. I would be interested to know where anyone else stands on this._

_…_

_I've been talking for far too long, haven't I? How the hell did I get onto that topic anyway?_

_Let's just get on with the story, shall we?_

_DISCLAIMER: Death Note. Not mine._

--

**Chapter Nine: Sacrifice**

"Misa knows something fun we can do! Come with me!"

Light followed her willingly. The terror he would have felt if she had said this only a few hours ago had almost completely dissipated. It had merely become an undesirable stage in his plan: amuse Misa for a few hours, then preoccupy her with getting a date for L…

She led him by the wrist into town, and appeared – or so it seemed to Light, at least – to be heading in much the same direction he had gone only yesterday when going to buy Sayu's present; towards the shopping mall. A little apprehensive to allow Misa anywhere near any more clothes, he asked politely, "… Misa? Where exactly are we headed?"

She wasn't about to stop just to talk. Misa just ploughed forward, her hand clasped tightly around his. "What do you mean?" she said, sounding genuinely puzzled at his question.

"… Where are we going?"

"Do you mean where are we going NOW, or where are we GOING?" she said.

Light sighed. "Both, preferably."

"W-e-l-l… First, Misa is going to the mall. We need to buy some things for our trip. As for where we're going _after_…" she giggled. "… That's a surprise!!"

Light groaned. If it was a surprise, even he wouldn't be able to get anything out of her. Misa was stubborn about certain things, as he knew all too well. He decided against pressing the issue any further, and instead merely allowed himself to be dragged along by the tiny, determined model.

As they arrived at the mall, Misa removed the handcuff from her wrist. "Misa needs Light to stay outside so his surprise isn't ruined." Unfortunately, she latched the chain onto a nearby lamp post before Light had any chance to argue against this. "Don't go anywhere – Misa won't take too long!!"

"I don't have much of a choice, do I?"

Misa smiled. "Oh. I guess you don't! Umm… be back soon!" she dashed into the mall, leaving Light completely alone, attached to a piece of urban street furniture.

About an hour later, Misa returned. By this time, Light had become distinctly aware that her idea of 'being back soon' was less than entirely accurate. Saying that Misa took an unbearably long time shopping was something of an understatement, if that were possible.

"I'm finished!" She waved cheerfully in his direction, an abnormally small plastic bag dangling from her fingertips. "We're all ready to go to now – and look! This nice guy offered to help Misa bring all the stuff I bought out here. Shopping sure is hard work sometimes…"

Behind her, a mountain of boxes and bags followed obediently. Light watched in terror as the ponderous mound was lowered somewhat precariously to the floor by what must have been an extremely strong shopping assistant. "Is this where you want them, Misa-Misa?" he asked, a little breathlessly.

"Yup! That's okay. Misa and her boyfriend can handle it from here, mister!"

The shop assistant glared enviously at Light. "I don't know… Your _boyfriend_ doesn't look like he's up to it. I can take a little time off work if you'd like _me_ to take them for you, Misa-Misa…"

She shook her head, much to Light's dismay. "No… that's okay! Thanks for offering though!"

Begrudgingly, the assistant conceded, made his goodbyes and eventually prised himself away from Misa. As he turned back towards the mall, Light began to wonder exactly how anyone would be expected to carry even half of the unfeasible amount of shopping Misa had bought. What worried him most, however, wasn't the fact that there was so many things that he was inevitably going to be expected to carry; rather, it was the thought that whatever activity she had planned was apparently going to require every single item.

He tried not to think about what this surprise of Misa's would be.

"Were you lonely when I was gone, Light?" she said, unfastening him from the lamp post and attaching the handcuff back to her wrist. "Misa missed you!"

"I guess I was getting rather lonely," he replied. He wasn't technically lying.

"So Light missed Misa too?" Misa wrapped her arms tightly around him. "Aww… But don't worry – Misa won't leave you alone another minute today. Misa doesn't want Light to feel lonely…"

Light forced a smile. "That's… great. So, where are we going again?"

"It's a surprise, silly!" she said, tapping him playfully on the nose. "I'll just phone a taxi, and then we'll be on our way! I hope you like your surprise!"

She took out her phone, and to make sure that Light didn't overhear her telling the taxi service their destination, she busied him with the daunting task of picking up the shopping and carrying it to the corner of the street.

Light eventually managed to heave the mountain of bags into his arms, and somehow staggered alongside Misa to the corner. At several intervals he could actually feel the joints in his back popping. What the hell _had_ she bought?

When the taxi arrived, and he and the driver had finally loaded everything into the vehicle, Misa and Light clambered inside and set off.

"Okay. Now, because this is a _surprise_, Misa is going to make sure Light doesn't know where we're going. Which is why," Misa smiled ominously as she rummaged through the tiny bag she had insisted on carrying, "Misa brought these!!" She withdrew her hand, and tossed something into Light's lap.

He looked down. A blindfold and set of earplugs met his gaze. "Is this… really necessary?"

"Put them on!" she said in her most authoritative voice. "You don't want to spoil the _surprise_!!"

He sighed, and obliged. At least he wouldn't have to endure another 'love chat' like he had last night.

Almost an hour of silent darkness.

…

Light was jerked awake by something tugging at his arm.

Clumsily, he removed his blindfold. Misa's face smiled back at him, and mouthed something completely inaudible due to the earplugs still in his ears. Light much preferred it this way. In fact, he imagined he would get on rather well with her if she was mute.

Unfortunately, this privilege lasted only a few fleeting seconds before her slim fingers invaded his ears and returned his sense of hearing to him. "There!" she grinned. "Is Light ready for his surprise now?"

"… I suppose so."

Grasping his hand, she practically yanked him out of the taxi. She pointed excitedly out across the stretch of sand and surf that lay before them. "What do you think?"

Kujukuri Beach. Light was less than impressed; there were far more exciting places she could have chosen, not to mention more romantic. He assumed that Misa had, depressingly, chosen the beach for three base reasons: one, it was a prime place get a suntan; two, there was water to splash him with; and three, she had an excuse to see him wearing very little.

He gave her a withering glance.

"We're at the BEACH!!" she exclaimed, apparently ignorant of Light's expression. "This is going to be so fun! We can go _paddling_, and… get _suntans_ and do beach things! Isn't it great, Light?"

"Great," said Light.

"YAY!!"

As the shopping was unloaded by Light and the driver, Misa danced about on tiptoes, giggling almost hysterically. At one point, it almost looked as though she was hyperventilating out of sheer excitement. The bags and boxes were dumped in a pile at the edge of the beach, and the taxi finally drove away.

Light looked disinterestedly out at the sea far before them. "So," he said. "Do you have anything you want to do first?"

"Well… really it's your surprise, so you should decide what we do. But…" she smirked, "the first thing we have to do is get changed into our swimming things. Everybody knows you can't _really_ go to beach if you're not in your swimming things."

He narrowed his eyes at her. "I haven't brought any swimming things, Misa."

"That's why Misa came prepared!" she again rummaged through the tiny bag she had brought and took out possibly the smallest pair of shiny black Speedos known to mankind. "The shop assistants kept on telling me I should go for these other ones, but I liked these best," she said, waggling her eyebrows suggestively.

Light made an involuntary squeaking noise at the back of his throat, and coughed. "I… see. That's very… kind of you, Misa."

"I thought they'd suit you," she smiled, and giggled a little.

"… Anyway, erm, I imagine you got yourself something to wear too."

"Mm-hmm," Misa nodded slowly, and took a step closer to him. "I hope you like it. Misa chose it just for you…" She handed him his own tiny outfit, and removed the last contents from the bag – an equally microscopic, bright pink bikini set.

Light tried to imagine how anyone, let alone himself, would manage to get into a pair of trunks as ridiculously small as these. This thought also raised a rather pertinent question in his mind. "Misa – how do you propose we actually get changed? It isn't as though there's any amenity around here we could use as a changing room."

Misa pointed to the shopping bags. "We have windbreakers so other people don't see and – if Light's feeling a little shy – Misa brought some towels we can use to cover ourselves up with. See? Misa came prepared! Aren't you proud of me, Light?"

He looked at the Speedos. It appeared, unfortunately, that Misa had indeed been very well prepared. There didn't look as though there was any way out of putting that… thing on. That is, if it even fit him.

"I have to admit," he sighed, "you certainly did think of everything."

"So does that mean Light is happy now?"

He paused for a moment, decided against getting her unnecessarily upset, and said, "I guess you could say that."

"Yay! Light is happy with Misa!" she hugged him once again. "Now let's get those windbreakers out so we can get changed!!"

"Yes," Light mumbled, "do let's."

--

**Author's Note:** _Apologies to those readers who were expecting something special to make up for the delayed update. I had a touch of the writer's block, due to the fact that my head is too full of lots of things. This entire chapter seems to me to be a bit of a 'set up' filler._

_… Well, at least I've managed to set up something, erm, interesting for Light and Misa to do._

_I solemnly swear that I will update sooner next time. And… better._

_A random bit of information about this chapter: it happens to be the only one I've done research for (that is, outside of reading Death Note). I wanted them to go to a beach, so I made absolute sure that they could. This is another reason why I took a little longer to upload this chapter._

_A little Sims update: as I recreated Light and Misa (I have a very short attention span when it comes to certain things), I decided to try and get them to get along once again. Misa happened to propose to Light. Light said yes. Light took Misa's surname…_

_From this point on, I will never be able to look at Light Amane in the same way again._

_I would also like to take this chance to recommend to any reader the works (or, currently, work singular) of FFYP-Det-Lawliet. This is, of course, a shameless plug for one of my friends, but seeing as their stuff is actually good, that – I think – makes it okay._

_Once again, thanks go to the readers and reviewers of this story. Also once again, you're free – in fact, you're invited – to write suggestions for future escapades of Misa and Light, or review. I really appreciate any input given to me by you guys._

_Please, stay tuned._


	11. Chapter 10: Lotion

_As promised, this chapter is going to be good. Very good. Better than good, actually. Promise._

_A heads up to all readers: the chapter begins with a scene involving nudity and sexual references. Okay, admittedly not much in the way of either, but there you go. My warning is complete._

_So, not to beat around the bush, here it is. The actual 2-digit mark chapter. I'm quite proud, actually._

_One beach special coming right up!_

_DISCLAIMER: Light, Misa and Death Note are not mine. Light is OBVIOUSLY Misa's, Misa is legal property of her agent, and Death Note is somebody else's entirely._

_--_

**Chapter Ten: Lotion**

"Nngh…"

"Mmm…"

"Erm…"

"Tee-hee…"

Light glanced nervously over the towel. "Misa. You aren't peeking, are you?"

"Whatever do you mean, Light?" Misa giggled, blushing furiously. "Misa wouldn't dream of peeking… if Light doesn't want her to, that is."

"Well, in this circumstance, I think it would be best if you didn't. This is awkward enough as it is," he grimaced.

Somehow, against his better judgement, Light had been talked into getting changed behind a towel: a towel, moreover, held in place in front of him by Misa. So, not only was he attempting to get changed into an outfit that would almost certainly cut off all circulation in his legs; he was also getting completely naked in front of a woman who was almost certainly looking at parts of him he didn't want her to see.

He glanced down at his now naked form, lifted his swimming trunks in front of himself, and noted with disdain that they looked as though they would fit perfectly… on someone about seven years old. He put his feet through the leg holes, and tried to ignore the muffled gasps from behind the towel.

Slowly, he pulled the Speedos up to his waist.

His eyes watered just a little.

"So, do you like them?" Misa grinned, dropping the towel without any prior warning. "Are they comfy?"

She studied his expression.

"Are you… crying? Light isn't sad, is he?"

"Erm… No, no, it's not that," he replied, his voice an octave higher than usual. "Light isn't sad, it's just…"

"Oh. Oh!" Misa flung her arms around Light. "I get it! Light must be crying tears of happiness! Light must like his new clothes so much! Misa is so HAPPY!! But… erm… don't cry too much, okay? Misa knows you are happy, but we don't want your make-up to run, do we?"

"… Shouldn't you be putting on your own swimming costume, Misa?" he coughed, and tried to readjust his pants as subtly as humanly possible.

Unfortunately, Misa seemed to notice this, and raised an eyebrow. "Ooh, Light… ! Yes, Misa will get changed now if you want her to…" Instinctively, her hands fell to the top of her skirt, and grasped at the waistband.

"… I'll get the towel for you," Light said hurriedly, grabbing it from the floor and lifting it up in front of her.

"Aw… Okay then…" she pouted, now thankfully out of view. A few minutes, several position changes of the handcuffs (from wrist to ankle, ankle to wrist, and so on), and the discarding of numerous items of clothing later, Misa popped out from behind the towel. "Ta-dah! How do I look?"

Light could not sufficient words to describe exactly how tiny her outfit looked. He had imagined that, considering her already diminutive size, she wouldn't look quite as naked as her bikini suggested. Evidently, his reasoning ability had not accounted for Misa's taste in ridiculously small swimwear. She may as well have worn dental floss.

"You look… very striking, Misa."

"I'm so happy you think so! Misa wants to be 'striking' just for Light…"

He frowned. "… Let's just get moving, okay?"

"Okay!" she smiled. "We can do something fun now, like…"

"Like… what?"

"Oh. We still have something else we need to do before we do anything else, Light," said Misa, wandering over to a nearby shopping bag. She placed her hand inside, searched for a few moments, and brought out a large orange bottle. "I bought sun cream! So we can be safe."

Light judged the look in Misa's eyes, and could imagine the next thing that would come out of her mouth.

"Li-ight… can you help me –"

"– put this sun cream on?" he said aloud, rolling his eyes as he did so.

Misa put her hands to her mouth. "How could you guess what I was going to say? I need someone to help me get all the hard to reach areas," she said, trying to look as innocent as possible. Light assumed that 'hard to reach areas' probably meant 'everywhere', give or take a few less sensual places.

"Are you sure you actually _need_ me to help you? You are old enough to apply that stuff yourself – I imagine you've done it before," he said. He had a sneaking suspicion that, like with most things over the past 24 hours, nothing he said would have much of an effect on the outcome – but tried anyway, just in case.

"Yes, I did do that a few times before… but most of the time there are bits that I can't reach, and sometimes I got sunburned. Light wouldn't want Misa to be all icky and red and sunburned, would he?"

Indeed, Light was a little apprehensive to let Misa get sunburned. Having a small annoying model attached to him was bad enough, but a small annoying model that was whinging constantly about her back stinging or her legs being all blotchy was another matter entirely. "No, Misa, I wouldn't. Just tell me when you've applied it everywhere you can."

"Hmm…" Misa narrowed her eyes at him, obviously a little upset that he hadn't offered to do everywhere for her. "Okay then." She squirted out a little bit of sun cream into her palm, and dabbed it onto her face. Then, she applied a little to her neck, and her arms. After a long pause, as she stared hopefully at Light, she put some on her torso, down to just below her belly button.

She stood there for a few moments, looking pleased with herself. "You can do the rest, Light."

"You can do more than that, Misa."

"Nope! I can't see my back, so I might not put it on evenly – and then I wouldn't have an even tan, so I can't do that. And if I bent to put some on my legs, all the sun cream on my tummy might get messed up, so I can't do that either," Misa handed Light the bottle. "So… you should put the rest on me."

Light glanced at the bottle. He looked up at Misa.

Misa smiled.

"Fine," he grumbled.

"Wow! Yay! Light is going to… erm, help Misa!" she giggled and rushed forward, then hesitated. "Oh… I guess Misa shouldn't hug you right now, with all this cream stuff on me, huh?"

Well, at least that was a relief.

"Can you do Misa's back first? I want you to make sure you get EVERYWHERE!!"

Warily, Light squeezed the bottle and dabbed a little sun cream onto his fingers. Misa eagerly turned away from him. He placed his hand onto one of her shoulder blades.

"Ooh!" she squealed, wriggling under his palm.

_This_, he thought, _is going to take some time_.

In actual fact, it only took a few minutes – though Misa's overblown reaction to every single time he touched her skin, and her absolute insistence that he cover every square centimetre of her made those minutes last hours, if not days in Light's mind. As time seemed to drag on, she seemed to become all the more persistent in embarrassing him; eventually, even the slightest tap could trigger a moan that made other beach-goers look very suspiciously in their direction.

Finally, as he reached her toes and the groans turned to giggles, he sighed in relief. Now, at least, he could put his own sun cream on, and then they could go and do something that wasn't quite so… intimate. He closed the cap of the bottle, and got to his feet.

Misa snatched the bottle, and grinned at him. "Now, because Light did such a goo-oo-ood job, Misa will repay the favour!!"

Ah. He really should have foreseen that one. After all, Misa Amane certainly wasn't the sort of person who would pass up a chance of slathering Light Yagami in anything, especially if he was wearing practically nothing. Before he could even muster the effort to tell her that he was perfectly capable of applying the stuff on his own, she had already started; somewhat predictably, she was massaging sun cream into his chest and giggling maniacally to herself.

Trying to tune himself out of the predicament, Light Yagami considered the positives of the situation. They were at a beach: a place usually overflowing with all manner of mindless scantily-clad men and women – and today, it appeared as he took a sweeping glance, was no different. Perhaps his plan could be put into action sooner than expected, if he were to merely suggest to Misa that one of those vacuous young women sunning themselves by the sea could be perfect for L (he smirked to himself as he thought this)… And even if that worked, at least the fact that he had been so cooperative today would work in his favour later on. Misa would certai…

"MISA!!"

"What's wrong, Light?"

Light batted her hands away, took a deep breath, and composed himself. "… I think my inner thighs are already well covered, thank you." Noticing her hurt expression, he added, "You're doing a very good job."

"Thank you! I haven't even _started_ on your back half yet," she beamed.

Light prepared himself for the inevitable mauling, and returned to his thoughts.

Now, where was he?

Oh. Yes.

Misa would certainly be more than willing to do anything for him if he could keep up this 'eager boyfriend' routine, which would mean that everything would be going according to plan. This was, of course, probably the most difficult part to make sure went right: it wasn't the fact that he didn't feel he was capable of humouring her, and it certainly wasn't that he was worried that she wouldn't fall for it – it was merely the inescapable fact that he would have to keep up these high spirits twenty-four hours a day, for as long as it took for him to finally get these handcuffs off. He had to admit that L hadn't helped matters by taking his phone – one of the few ways in which he could duck out of Misa's infuriatingly 'teen romance' pastimes, other than university, household chores and, perhaps, the current case that L had taken. Not that L would include him in that any further than was absolutely necessary, now that Misa was chained to h…

"Misa."

"Yes, Light?"

"Did you just squeeze where I think you did?"

Misa got to her feet, and nodded happily. "Well, Misa _has_ finished. Misa needed a reward for all that hard work. Do you want me to do it again?"

Light wondered exactly when rubbing your hands over an attractive member of the opposite sex had become 'hard work'. "I don't think the other cheek will feel too left out if you leave it."

"Aw."

"Anyway, didn't you take me to the beach so you could cheer me up?" he said. "Why don't we do something fun?"

"Light could have squeezed Misa anywhere too! Misa doesn't mind…"

"Let's do something fun, Misa," he repeated. "We can do anything you want: we can go paddling, or just sunbathe… or anything."

Misa thought for a moment. "Hmm… Well..."

--

**Author's Note:** _Another cliffhanger. Oh dear. Anyway, I really enjoyed this chapter. It was just so fun – and surprisingly easy to write (the whole thing, concept and all, took about an afternoon). Though not much actually happened in terms of narrative progression, I hope everyone appreciates the scenario. I imagine Misa enjoyed it too._

_Whilst writing this, the weather outside is terrible. It has rained all day. I wish I could be at the beach Light and Misa are on._

_Oh – a question to all those who read this: I would like to know exactly which character is the reason you began reading this fic, and whether they are still the reason you keep reading. If not, then why do you keep reading? (Which isn't to say I don't want anyone to read this story… Please keep reading)._

_As always, much kudos to my readers and the obligatory support for reviews and suggestions. I probably can't express how much the mere act of reading this means to me._

_On a passing note, I would like to casually drop in that I am going to the MCM expo in Telford soon, and have decided to cosplay for the first time in my life. I am going, rather ironically, as Light Yagami. If anybody reading this happens to also be a Britisher, and is also going, I'll be the grumpy looking git who's chained to a slightly less grumpy looking L-a-like._

_That's enough for now. I'll update soon._

_Stay tuned._


	12. Chapter 11: Popularity

_I admit, these last two chapters haven't been exactly very adventurous. Chapter 9 was a bit of a filler in my opinion, and Chapter 10 seemed to keep very safely in the same vein as Chapters 1-7._

_Well, I'm going to be more adventurous._

_I'm going to push it up a few notches._

_A.I – Alternate Incarceration is going all professional-like. Starting now._

_I seem to have my 'persistent' head on at the moment…_

_… You have been warned._

_DISCLAIMER: Death Note is property of somebody else. No matter how much I wish otherwise._

--

**Chapter Eleven: Popularity**

Light's mobile phone rattled noisily across the table. L glowered in its direction.

It was ringing. Again.

It was also disturbing Belgian chocolates. Again.

He rolled his eyes, sighed to himself, and plucked another chocolate from the box.

Popping it from its wrapper, L slowly rolled the chocolate into his mouth with his tongue. He sat and watched scornfully until the phone finally ceased to move.

The seventh call this morning. Light certainly was a popular young man.

"Mi…"

Light's words were yet again lost as another torrent of seawater drenched him.

"Misa, cou…"

"Isn't this fun, Light?" Misa giggled. "You should splash me next – if you can!" She raised her arms and slammed them back down into the water.

Light sighed, and wiped his now dripping hair from his eyes. "Fine… I'll splash you, then." Half-heartedly, he pushed his hands through the water and sent a shallow wave in her direction.

The wave hit. It barely even got her shoulders wet.

"Augh!! You splashed me!!" she shrieked in horror. "That's so MEAN!!"

"But you were the one tha…" Light managed, before he was yet again engulfed in water. As so often with Misa, he assumed that any attempt of arguing would be almost completely futile. He stood still for a few moments longer until he was sure that she was finished.

"Are you ready to say sor…" she paused, looked up at him, and gasped. "OH NO!! YOUR EYE!!"

His makeup had washed off from around his eye, now baring the shining purple bruise for all to see. Of course, he had seen this one coming. He had, in fact, even told Misa that splashing about in the sea wasn't a good idea for that very reason.

"Yes, Misa. Perhaps you should stop dowsing me with water for a little while now."

"Hmm… Yeah. I guess we should get you back on the beach, huh?" she linked arms with Light, and began wading back inland.

"… So," said Light as they set foot on dry sand, "can I make a suggestion what we can do this time?"

Misa looked a little confused. "Sure. Misa is always happy to listen to what Light has to say!"

He stared into middle distance for a short while, then spoke again. "… I would like to start finding a date for L. After all, the beach is a prime place to find an intelligent and valuable partner," he smiled a little at this, "so I imagine that finding a potential girlfriend even for somebody like L wouldn't be _too_ hard."

"Looking for a girlfriend for L?" she pulled a face. "Aw, but doesn't Light want to do something more fun? L is so weird…"

"It would make me happy if we did," Light said, donning his most piteous expression.

"Well… okay then. If it makes Light happy, Misa will get L a girlfriend," she sighed, wrapping her arms around him and giggling at near nakedness she felt whilst doing so. "Anyway, it gives me a chance to show off my AWESOME matchmaking skills!!"

The familiar buzz of the mobile phone vibrating on the wooden tabletop shattered the silence.

L continued with his chocolates. The eighth phone call.

"We really _should_ answer that, L," called Watari from amongst a small mound of papers and dossiers. "After all, it is somebody else's phone. Someone may desperately need Light for something."

L chewed the chocolate in his mouth slowly, and finally swallowed. "That is true, Watari. There is every possibility that someone may be calling Light-kun for an urgent reason. Of course if it _were_ a desperate need, as you state, I imagine the individual would either be able to contact somebody else to help them; or, if the situation called for him specifically, they would be able to contact somebody who knows him – and so on, until eventually the information would arrive at Soichiro Yagami. He would contact me, knowing that his son has sent a message to me this morning, and I would be able to put him in contact with Light-kun."

"Pardon me, but that sounds rather like you just can't be bothered answering young Yagami's phone."

"That is also true, Watari," said L, his fingers returning to the chocolate box. "I commend the use of your exceptional reasoning abilities."

Watari smiled a little. "You are being just a little cruel to him, you know. He is your friend, after all. Maybe you should cut him some slack every once in a while."

"No," L took another chocolate. "I think it would be best for the both of us if I were to continue. After all, Light-kun and I both work best under a certain amount of pressure. An adequate opponent provides a challenge, and challenges require effort."

"Such as with Mello and Near back at the orphanage. Which reminds me –"

"No, Watari, I have not," said L, narrowing his eyes. "This conversation is slowing our productivity. Let's return to work."

Watari shrugged, and returned to his dossiers.

L carefully unwrapped the next chocolate.

"Hi there! I'm Misa Misa – pleased to meet you!" She extended a small hand, which the puzzled bikini-clad girl shook a little hesitantly.

"Like, um, hi. I, like, totally saw you in the InRock top model polls. Weren't you, like, eleventh or something?" said the girl.

"Sixth…" Misa growled. "But, erm, that doesn't matter – Misa needs to ask you a question! Will you answer Misa's question? Please?"

"Erm… uh, yeah, that's, like, totally okay. I'm so not doing anything at the moment. So, like, yeah. Okay." She looked over at Light, who was standing behind Misa, and gave him an approving once-over glance even despite his black eye.

Misa didn't seem to notice this, as she was probably far too caught up in the fact that somebody had actually agreed to give her the time of day. The last two girls they had encountered had completely ignored her and had started chatting up Light from the off. Misa had, of course, reprimanded them both with a swift kicking. Evidently this particular girl had been watching the others, and had somehow had enough brain power to learn from her predecessor's mistakes.

"Well, I have this friend, you see – and he's a bit lonely. I want to get him a girlfriend, and I was just wondering whether you'd be interested?" Misa asked hopefully. "He's a bit weird, and a bit of a pervert sometimes, and he eats sweets all the time and has black rings around his eyes… and he walks all slouchy and sits in a really weird way… and he hangs around with this old guy, and sometimes I think he likes boys because he wants to be with my boyfriend so much… but maybe you could like him… Please?"

"He totally doesn't look that bad to me!" said the girl, smirking in Light's direction.

Light wrinkled his nose as her horse-like teeth were bared. He began to doubt that even getting revenge on L would be worth spending much longer with _this_ thing.

"But my friend isn't here…" said Misa, a little taken aback by this remark. "Unless he followed Misa and Light here!" She looked around them to see if L had somehow hidden himself in a sand-dune, and shook her head. "Nope, he definitely isn't here."

Light coughed politely. "Misa, I think that perhaps that might have been her attempt at coming onto me."

"WHAAAT!?" she shrieked, and promptly lunged at the girl. The three of them were sent sprawling onto the floor, and sand was flying as Misa clawed wildly. "LIGHT IS MISA'S BOYFRIEND!! LIGHT LOVES MISA!! LIGHT WOULDN'T EVER LOVE YOU, YOU… SLUT!! YOU BITCH!! RAAAH!!"

Trying to get himself into a comfortable sitting position as the catfight ensued, Light worried a little for the girl's safety. Evidently the repeated threat of other women trying to steal away her boyfriend had taken its toll on Misa.

He mused on this. Of course, with the bimbos around here as competition, Misa really had nothing to worry about: if he were even given a choice, he would choose her every time. Yes, she was an absolute pain, and since yesterday afternoon his luck had gone from bad to worse; but at least she had something that vaguely resembled intelligence. Sometimes, he noticed with slight surprise, she could even be rather resourceful.

Though this was straying from the point. The purpose of talking to all of these women was to find a prospective partner for L. Someone who would truly irritate the detective. And for that, he would need to find someone who irritated him – preferably even more than Misa did. They would have to continue their search.

Light noticed what appeared to be blood coming from the girl's nose. Perhaps they would continue their search later…

"Misa," he said, placing a hand on her shoulder. "I think you've proven that you love me more than she does now."

Misa slowed to a halt, and sighed deeply. Light noticed that, indeed, she had done quite a bit of damage to the girl's face. Not that it made much difference, considering the ugly excuse she had to begin with.

"Why don't we just go and do something nice and calm? Like… sunbathe for a while? I'll buy you some ice cream if you like."

"Okay, Light, _my_ darling boyfriend," she said, smiling evilly at the girl, who whimpered in reply. "Misa's all done now. Misa doesn't need to spend any more time with this _bitch_."

Light helped her to her feet, and ushered her away from the potential crime scene by putting an arm around her shoulder. If this was the way she was going to deal with any girl with interest in him, he would have to think of a different way of finding L a girlfriend. Preferably one which didn't end in a bloodbath.

A mobile phone began to ring.

For once, it wasn't Light Yagami's.

It was Watari's.

He raised it to his ear. "Hello?"

"Watari? This is Touta Matsuda. Of the NPA. Erm… calling."

He raised an eyebrow at this. "Yes. And…?"

"Oh. Yeah. The chief wanted me to call you."

"… Concerning…?"

"What? Oh, I get it! Yeah, it's about the connection. We can't talk to L."

"Oh, yes," said Watari. "Unfortunately, he's had to sever all communications to his computer for a short time. We've had a breakthrough concerning the current case."

"Really!? Wow, L really is good, isn't he?" Matsuda laughed. "What kind of breakthrough? Has he found the hostages or something? Or is it top secret? I promise I won't tell ANYONE if you tell…"

Watari coughed. "Why did Mr. Yagami want to contact L? I can keep a message for him you'd like."

"Oh. Yeah. The chief wanted to ask why Light wasn't answering his phone. He's been getting phone calls about Light _all morning!_ I wish I was as popular as that… and Light's so good with the ladies too…"

Watari coughed again.

"Oh. Sorry."

"I will answer Mr. Yagami's query for you: Light's phone has been confiscated. L believes," he rolled his eyes, "that someone may be tampering with it. Tell Mr. Yagami that I will get him in contact with his son as soon as possible."

"Thanks, Watari! I'll do that then."

There was a pause, and then Matsuda's voice returned.

"So, has Misa _really_ done anything to Light?"

Watari sighed. "Yes. They're handcuffed to one another."

"Ooh! I mean… erm… Wow! Erm… I see! That's a little… kinky, wouldn't you say?"

Watari politely put the phone down.

--

**Author's Note:** _Quite a good chapter, after I cut it into place. At least, that's what I think. To be honest, I was a little worried about this one because it was going to have two simultaneous storylines, but I think it works… eventually._

_I must say that my favourite part of this chapter is Watari. He's a fantastic character who a lot of fan fiction writers seem to overlook somehow. In fact, I think he's so good I may even consider dedicating this very chapter to him._

_…_

_Insurmountable thanks once again to the readers and reviewers. I'm still willing to take suggestions of further… ventures for Light and Misa to experience: currently, I'm grappling with the ideas posed to me of Light having to go to college, and Misa having to do a modelling shoot. Expect one or both of these to pop up in a couple of chapters._

_And now, for fear of going on too long here, I shall draw my author's note to a close._

_Stay tuned._

_--_

A.I – ALTERNATE INCARCERATION

CHAPTER 11

DEDICATED TO THE FICTIONAL LIFE AND WORKS OF QUILLSH 'WATARI' WAMMY

_"He only said a few things ever"_


	13. Chapter 12: Disagreement

_w00t._

_That is, officially, a w00t. A w00t from me._

_I have been shopping. And I have bought How to Read 13. And a little Ryuk, for which to perch upon my shoulder whilst writing, if I can put him there._

_Much like last chapter, YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED._

_DISCLAIMER: Death Note, it appears, actually isn't mine. What a calamity._

--

**Chapter Twelve: Disagreement**

Light casually took a lick of his ice cream. A slight breeze blew across the beach – not quite strong enough to ruffle his hair, instead calming and cool to his skin. The hot white sand seemed to almost glow before him, and in the distance, the blue-green ripples of the sea sparkled in myriad hues.

_For a day out, this isn't so bad,_ he smiled. _In fact, it's quite good considering. Except…_

An arm wrapped around his own, and in a knee-jerk reaction, his vanilla ice cream cone fell to the floor.

… _That._

"Oops. Sorry, Light!" said Misa. "You can share mine if you want…" She lifted her severely licked strawberry cone to meet his gaze.

"That's… that's fine, Misa," he said, trying to smile. "I want you to keep it."

"Aww… Light cares about me! Thank you!" she returned to her ice cream with vigour. "Thath thuth a nithe thin' 'oo 'oo!"

"… Pardon?"

Misa swallowed her current mouthful with less than graceful urgency, and repeated herself. "It's just so nice of you! Misa is so lucky to have a boyfriend so thoughtful…"

"Yes," said Light, sincerely. "I suppose you are."

They watched the waves a little longer, silently – all except for the slurps of Misa still eating her ice cream. For the middle of the day, the beach was surprisingly quiet and serene. It was almost as though the world had decided to give them a private, romantic time together… which, ironically, Misa seemed to be completely ignoring; something that Light was extremely happy about.

However, as she finished licking up every possible scrap of ice cream (and carelessly dumped the cone in the sand next to her), her head came to rest on his shoulder. She sighed blissfully, and gazed up at him. "How are you enjoying your day, Light?"

"It's very nice, Misa. I'm so glad you decided to take me to the beach."

She intertwined her arms with his, and sighed once again. "Misa is glad too…" After a long pause, she raised her hand to his face. "Does that hurt anymore?" her finger prodded at the raw flesh around Light's eye. Light winced. "Is it getting better in the sea air? Only Misa heard once that the sea is good for… something. It's true! It's in a book or a magazine somewhere."

Light nodded helpfully. "… Yes, Misa. It's getting much better. Thank you."

_Of course_, he thought, _it would be much better if I had some ice on it. Or, better yet, if you hadn't punched me in the eye at all._

Another long pause.

"So… What are we going to do this afternoon?" he asked.

"Oh. Misa thought we could stay on the beach all day."

He raised his eyebrow a little. "All day?"

"Yup. All day."

"When exactly were you planning on leaving, then?" he said, as calmly as possible.

Misa shrugged. "There's lots of things you can do on a beach. We should leave when we've done all that we want to do."

_That_, thought Light, _would be about two hours ago. If not earlier_.

"I see…" he said. "So what else would you like to do on the beach?"

"W-e-l-l… It doesn't really matter what we do, as long as you're with me, Light… but there is _one_ thing I want to do. I want to be sitting right here, watching the sea, when the moon comes out. Wouldn't that be _romantic_?" she grinned, and squeezed his arm.

Light inhaled very, very deeply. Seeing as, at present it was – he glanced worriedly at his watch – about 1.37p.m, sundown was… a substantial length of time to wait. If nothing else, the tide would have to come in at least once during their stay…

"… I think your plan has a few holes in it, if you don't mind me saying, Misa."

"Really?" She looked a little worried. "What's the matter with it?"

"Nothing really. Except for the fact that, at some point, we could end up stuck outside in the cold, with nothing to eat, and seawater up to our shoulders."

Misa bit her lip, and slackened her grip on his arm. "Mmm. I guess you're right… But… umm… Maybe we could just go to some restaurant for a while, so we can wait for tide to –"

"We're not hanging around a beach all day just to watch the sun set." Light said firmly. "Romantic or not, it's a stupid idea."

She audibly gasped. "Romanticness isn't stupid! Love is the most important thing ever!" she pouted.

"… Fine." Light refrained from correcting her glaring grammatical error. "Romance isn't stupid. It's just not something you should spend a whole day in a tiny swimsuit for."

"Hmm… Not so sure about that… Misa would be willing to wear _anything_… or nothing… to see Light wearing those all the time!!"

He coughed, and tried to blot out the mental images Misa had conjured in his mind. "Regardless of that, we still have to think of something else to do. We can't feasibly stay here all day, can we?"

"Nope, I suppose not," she said, and a smile spread across her face. "Does that mean Misa and Light can get changed again? Like before?"

Eventually, after weighing up all of the options and drawing to the conclusion that changing into something which didn't threaten to stop blood flow to his legs was worth knowing that Misa was obviously peeking at him, he nodded.

--

Now almost completely fully clothed (and feeling all the better for it), Light shook the last few remnants of sand from his shoes. Next to him, Misa was calling another taxi to collect them and their sizable luggage.

Which reminded him…

He flipped the mobile phone from his pocket, and checked to see if he had been left any messages. Unsurprisingly, considering L was moderating his calls, there were none. He sighed and pushed it back into his pocket.

Still, there was no use worrying about having to make excuses for the moment. By some luck, he had managed to talk Misa into letting him go home for the afternoon. It had taken a lot of effort on his part, and he had even been forced into promising her various things (all of which he promptly chose to forget after their conversation), but nevertheless he _had_ done it.

In about an hour's time, he would be home. And, perhaps, he would actually be able to _do_ things. _Good_ things. _Important_ things. _Any_thing.

--

55 minutes later…

Light led Misa into the house and closed the door with a click. "I'm home," he called.

"Light, is that you?" his mother's voice came in from the kitchen, and a few moments later she entered the hallway.

She certainly did not look happy.

"Where have you been? And why haven't you been answering your phone? Your father and I have been calling you all morning."

Light glowered. L – the _bastard_. "Mom, I assure you, I can explain everything: L had to confiscate my mobile phone, because he believes that somebody might be tracking it to get to L. He was _supposed_ to contact me if I was left a message, but obviously… he's been a little distracted."

"Oh," she said, a little dumbstruck. Then, in the way that all parents seem to in order to maintain their authority and higher moral ground, she added, "Don't let it happen again."

"… I won't. By the way, why were you trying to contact me? Was it something urgent?"

Feeling a little defeated by the argument, Sachiko shook her head. "I just got a little worried when you weren't answering your phone; it's so unlike you. I was just trying to let you know that one of your friends dropped by this morning. She said she wanted to see you."

Light sensed Misa's body tensing with rage beside him. "Who was it?"

"Kiyomi Takada. You certainly are popular with…" Sachiko remembered Misa was present, took a brief glance at the furious expression on the model's face, and promptly became extremely quiet.

"Hmm. Okay. Don't worry, I'll sort things out." Knowing that prolonging this subject would be treading extremely thin ice, both Light and his mother nodded simultaneously, and wrapped up their conversation.

As his mother returned to the kitchen, Light began his ascent of the stairs. Misa followed silently, with the kind of precise heavy-footedness that only extremely angry people can muster.

They opened his door.

They entered his room.

They closed the door.

They sat down on the edge of the bed.

Silently.

"… KIYOMI!? KIYOMI CAME TO YOUR HOUSE?! …She's just trying to steal Light away from Misa, isn't she? The _bitch_. She came to see you to ask you to be _her_ boyfriend, but… but we were out. Misa wins! But… But Kiyomi still wants to talk to Light. Kiyomi got Light into trouble! The _bitch_! Don't worry, Light, you don't have to worry about _her_. You don't even have to see her, right? You can just spend time with Misa. She could see that Misa and Light love one another _so_ much that we've chained ourselves together! THAT would teach that _bitch_ a lesson…"

Light watched Misa's explosive performance with a mixture of amusement and pure terror. Who would have thought that someone so tiny would be so very violent? Not to mention loud…

When she finally slowed down enough for him to have a chance to interject, he decided to tell her. "Misa… I'm afraid I'm going to have to see Takada tomorrow anyway."

She stared at him, positively burning with rage. "WHY?!" she asked.

"Because," he said calmly, "I have to go to a lecture tomorrow… and Takada is going to be sitting next to me."

"WHAT!?" Misa shrieked. "You can't! She won't! We aren't! I'm not! And anyway, I've got a shoot tomorrow, so you can't go to your lecture and see… _her_… even if you wanted to. Which you don't. Right, Light?" She didn't so much pose her last words as a question; rather, as a statement that WOULD be true even if it actually wasn't.

Light opened his mouth, closed it, and opened it again. Eventually, he replied, "… No, Misa. I don't particularly care about Takada. But I do care about my studies – remember the library yesterday?"

Misa pouted. "… Yes…"

"So I need to go to my lecture. It's not a matter of liking the people I'm there with, it's a matter of getting on in life."

"But… But Misa has her job too! Misa needs to get on in life just like Light, so Misa needs to go to her shoot! Light can't go to his lecture with Kiyomi!"

Light frowned. He sincerely doubted he was going to get the peaceful afternoon that he had been hoping for.

--

**Author's Note:** _Ah… Takada. I've been debating over how to introduce her into the mix for some time now. It's a good job she's appeared (despite the fact that I am somewhat less than fond of her), otherwise I would have had a hard time trying to bring my little conundrum up in passing._

_Yes, modelling shoots and college are coming up. I write this with fear and trembling…_

_Thanks, as always, goes to the wonderful readers I have. Please keep reading. Please. Reviews and suggestions are also highly recommended (though, of course, I'm not pressurising you to do them…)._

_On a personal note, now that the MCM expo is over, I am completely penniless (well, not entirely…) and yet am still looking for more conventions. I actually missed the opportunity to cosplay (curse you, Yagami, and your unobtainable beige jackets), so another opportunity to rectify this would be much appreciated. Even though it will be very taxing on my wallet._

_Enough of me babbling on about nothing in particular. I'll leave you to ruminate on Light's extremely awkward present situation some more._

_Stay tuned._


	14. BONUS: Light Review

_Purely because I couldn't contain myself any longer… Here is the second bonus chapter. I was originally going to have them every seven chapters, but… I just wanted to do this. Please excuse me._

_Exit Misa Amane. Enter Light Yagami._

_DISCLAIMER: Death Note is someone else's entirely. No, really._

--

**:BONUS 2:**

**LIGHT YAGAMI REVIEW**

**A.I – Alternate Incarceration**

**(Chapters 8-12)**

Hello, FFYP det… Yagami…

I am sending you this message, first and foremost, in reference to your fan fiction, entitled 'A.I – Alternate Incarceration'. I am also writing in response to your curious choice of pen name, but that matter can wait for the moment.

My name is Light Yagami. You obviously recall me from the anime/manga series, 'Death Note' (I will not go into the fine details as to how I am aware of this: it's irrelevant to this subject anyway). I also happen to be the lead role in your fan fiction, a piece of 'literature' shown to me a few weeks ago by an extremely excitable female acquaintance of mine.

The idea behind your fan fiction is, frankly, terrible. Whilst I can of course appreciate your grasp of spelling and grammar, it seems obvious to me that your story is the product of a very misguided imagination. Whilst this is in no way criticising you personally, I think – if you were only to re-read your work – you would find that the narrative portrays certain characters and situations within the Death Note franchise in an extremely negative light.

Even the basis of your story is unethical. The very idea of Misa and myself being chained together is not only demeaning and extremely awkward for the both of us, but completely and utterly unrealistic. After all, no sane person would willingly handcuff themselves to somebody for such an extended period of time…

… Ahem.

The handcuffs mentioned in your fan fiction often seem to come into contact with water (the Light and Misa characters in your story have been spending an unnerving amount of time in the bathroom (a _very_ worrying factor to note in your story), and have recently visited the beach), which begs the obvious questions concerning rust and the like. What material would these handcuffs be made out of, exactly? It doesn't seem as though you have thought this aspect of your story out particularly well.

All in all, I personally suggest that you spend your leisure time doing something more USEFUL. It's evident that you are at least a marginally creative writer, if a little 'out there' – so why not do something with that? Something constructive. Something, moreover, which benefits others. Something not quite so puerile. Feel free to send a message back if you need any inspiration or advice on this. Perhaps you could write a heartfelt romance between L and Watari. I feel this would be far more pleasing to your audience.

Now, onto the secondary purpose of my message: your name. I have noticed many people on the internet using pseudonyms referencing my name, or Kira; likewise with L. As we have been popularised by 'Death Note', I hardly find this surprising, and usually I assume that these references are made by our prospective fans – those who support my ideals use my name, and those who support L's use his.

You use my name, yet from your story it seems blatantly obvious that you don't like me at all. I understand that you state in the author's note of chapter 9 that you are 'pro-Light Yagami', but this if this statement was genuine, what on earth would possess you to write what you have? Not to mention depict me as a self-obsessed, scheming chauvinist. I take this as quite an offence, and urge you to in some way rectify this. Perhaps you could just use your _real_ name?

Regards,

L. Yagami

P.S. Please do not give Misa ANY more ideas.

--

**Author's Note:** _Answers for the Yagami-kun…_

_1) The handcuffs are made out of whatever metal the ones L and Light are in. Smartass._

_2) I certainly hope my stories aren't as bad as stated here, and I certainly would not want to depict Light as anything other than himself. I don't consider him to be particularly self-obsessed, scheming or chauvinistic; rather, a very confident and intelligent young man. Really._

_3) If you want my name, Light Yagami, check the profile page. You'll still need to find a photo of me. You won't catch me out THAT easily._

_This is, as you will agree, a completely different tone to Misa's blathering. Light has a very authoritative tone, which always sounds to me as though he wants to come out with the longest, most extravagant words possible just to make it clear to everyone that he's really clever._

_The dreaded Chapter 13 will arrive soon. I just want a bit of time to shape it up._

_Thanks, as always, go to my readers. In this case (as I forgot to mention this earlier), especially WithABunny, who – amongst other things – pointed out the glaring problems with moving my chapters about._

_More plot-based stuff, and perhaps a few other DN side-projects coming very soon to a computer near you. Stay tuned._


	15. Chapter 13: Education

_Another benchmark. I now have to write 'teen' in the chapter title. I'm so very astounded that I've actually got this far. My bet was that I would have had no readers and given up by chapter four, if that._

_Sometimes, don't you feel happy when you're proven wrong?_

_Well, I'd better not waste any more time. Let's get down to the story. I've got a bit of a different approach to this one, so I'm really, really hoping that I get this just right…_

_DISCLAIMER: Death Note, in all its glorious, wondrous forms, is not mine. It is, in fact, not even owned by someone I know personally. Fancy that._

--

**Chapter Thirteen: Education**

Night.

A shadowy room.

A single, glowing lamp, perched on the desk.

Two figures.

Light rolled his shoulders back, and looked disdainfully at his companion, through the gloom.

Misa, unwitting, unknowing, smiled serenely. She opened her mouth to speak.

"No, Misa," Light muttered, shaking his head.

Misa closed her mouth.

"I have wanted to tell you something for a long time. Something of the utmost importance," he said, bringing his hands together by the fingertips, and swivelling in his luxurious leather chair to face her directly.

"Wh…"

Light shook his head again.

Misa closed her mouth.

"I have wanted to tell you my true feelings for you. In all honesty, Misa, I do not truly love you. Thus far, you have seen emotions in me which, frankly, are not there. Though I have no particular hatred of you, and in small doses consider you a friend – no, rather an acquaintance… the fact of the matter is, I have no loving desires for you beyond a distant platonic relationship." He smiled a little, then promptly returned to the dark expression. "I do hope you understand, Misa. You may speak now."

Misa paused for a moment, and furrowed her brow in deep thought. Eventually, after seemingly eons of pondering, she began to speak. "… Misa-Misa wants darling Light to be happy. Misa-Misa doesn't want to get in darling Light's way. So… Misa-Misa accepts darling Light's wishes."

Light arched an inquisitive eyebrow. "Will you remove the handcuffs?"

"Oh, yes. Misa-Misa will do anything for her darling Light."

Misa produced a small golden key, and placed it carefully upon his outstretched palm. Slowly, and with stunning artistic flair, he twirled the key between his fingers and lowered them to the keyhole of his handcuff.

He was finally unchained.

"Now, Misa. You said you want only for me to be happy, am I correct?"

Misa nodded silently. Her obedience was developing, though slowly.

"Then, please attach this handcuff to L's wrist. I bid you to be his eternal partner, instead of mine."

Again, Misa nodded. Without a word, she faded into the darkness.

"Excellent," Light smiled to himself. "The perfect plan. Everything is going exactly as I had deemed it to." He sat for a short while longer, then rang the butler to fetch him some more tea…

…

Morning.

A buzzing alarm clock.

Light groaned. In his experience, dreams – especially good dreams – always seemed to be far too short for his liking. He rolled over and slapped vaguely in the direction of his alarm button.

As his mind reformed coherent thoughts, he recalled yesterday's abysmal afternoon and the plans he and Misa had made for today. He seriously considered falling back to sleep, but unfortunately knew that this was impossible, or at the very least inadvisable: staying in bed any longer than necessary would begin to arouse ideas in Misa he would rather not consider.

He sat up. "It's morning. We had better get ready, Misa," he said.

The model beside him rose grumpily. "Your lecture better not go on for too long, Light. I don't want to spend any more time with _Kiyomi_ than we need to."

"I thought we discussed this last night. We're staying for as long as necessary." Light got out of bed, and pulled the chain a little to indicate that Misa should follow suit. "All we'll have to do is keep track of time, so we aren't late for your photo shoot."

"Don't worry about that. Light can watch the clock while Misa makes sure Kiyomi isn't trying anything…"

Light sighed. She hadn't stopped moaning since his mother had let slip that Takada had been trying to contact him. Even after agreeing to go on _another_ romantic walk with her last night, buying her pair of shoes and even actively hugging her back when she hugged him, still she whinged.

He had tried to strike a compromise. He had tried to make her happy. Most of all, he had tried to shut her up. And despite his efforts, he hadn't achieved much beyond hurriedly planning out the next day.

Somehow, they would have to attend both a lecture and photo shoot almost simultaneously. And neither of them were looking forward to it.

Suddenly, Light was lurched out of his pit of reflective self-pity by the trill of an unfamiliar noise.

It sounded much like a track by one of those bands with a penchant for wearing far too much makeup: GACKt or Nightmare or something like that, he didn't know or particularly care much for this sort of music. The track, however, sounded slightly tinny, as though it had been recorded in a very small, metal-walled room; and, most annoyingly, seemed to repeat itself monotonously after four or so lines. Much like…

"Umm… Light?" Misa called, holding something in her palm. "My… I mean, your phone is ringing."

He plucked the mobile phone from her hand. Who on earth would phone him first thing in the morning? On closer inspection, the number calling him was withheld.

…

Of course.

He answered the call.

"Hello L."

"Takeshi, Light-kun, you are supposed to call me Takeshi."

Light sneered. "Right, fine. Hello, _Takeshi_. Why exactly are you calling me at seven o'clock in the morning?"

"Am I disturbing something important, Light-kun? I could phone back in fifteen minutes if you and Misa-san require any privacy. After all, it's perfectly healthy for an eighteen-year old to want…"

"It's fine, Takeshi. You're not disturbing anything… _especially_ nothing like that."

"I see," said L, sounding suitably amused at this. "I have a message I need to relay. Unfortunately, I have been busy for quite a long time, so perhaps it may be a little late."

"Let me guess: my mother and father have been trying to get in contact with me all yesterday morning."

There was a pause.

"_Impressive_ reasoning abilities, Light-kun…" L replied, sarcastically. "It appears you can even predict what I am about to say."

"It's been well over twelve hours, Takeshi. The probability of at least one of them getting to me before I received this phone call is, to quote a certain individual, somewhere around 97."

"94 actually. You seem to have overcompensated to prove your point. How very like you, Light-kun."

"Was there really any point in you calling me?" Light grumbled.

"I was only trying to keep you informed…" L said, obviously trying to sound sulky. "Maybe next time, I won't call at all."

Then, the line went dead.

"Who was calling you?" said Misa, genuinely. Her expression darkened. "It wasn't _Kiyomi_, was it?"

"… Misa. The only people that I know have this number is you and L," said Light. "I highly doubt that Takada would somehow know to call this, especially given that she evidently didn't just yesterday."

"Hmm… I guess so. So who _was_ it?"

He stood still for a moment, trying to overcome such extreme stupidity. "Look… The only people I _know_ have this number is _you_…" he leaned on this word for a few moment, so it could sink in, "… and _L_."

Eventually, she nodded, still evidently half-asleep. "Oh… Misa gets it. It was L, right?"

"… Never mind, Misa," said Light, smiling to himself. "We just need to get ready. After all, we have a busy day ahead of us."

--

After yesterday's fiasco at the beach, Light felt greatly relieved to be somewhere he both knew and didn't have to be stripped almost completely naked to fit in with the unspoken dress code. To-oh University was, perhaps unsurprisingly, the only place he was really looking forward to going to today.

Of course, the process of getting there had been an absolute nightmare, but he had expected that. Misa had mentioned 'Kiyomi' so frequently and with such hatred the word had merely become a noise to him, and had spent so long selecting just the right makeup and dress to make (that word again) '_sooooo_ jealous' that Light had almost fallen asleep again before they left.

Still, they had made it. And on time, too. All he would have to do was explain politely to his lecturer that he would need to leave a little early, and try to ignore Misa's snide remarks about Takada either until it was time for her photo shoot, or until she got bored of the whole situation and finally shut up.

There were only a few other students present when he and Misa had arrived in the lecture theatre. He informed the lecturer (who, in all honesty, seemed far more preoccupied with the fact that there was a short young woman attached to his right wrist, much to his annoyance) and promptly sat down in his usual spot.

A few moments of blissful silence later, they were joined by another young woman.

"… Hello…" she said, guardedly, as her gaze fluttered over Misa.

"Kiyomi. I mean… Takada," said Light, as she sat down next to him. "This is Misa. I'm not sure whether you two have met before."

"Did you just call her Kiyomi!?" Misa pulled a face. "Does she ask you to do that? Call her by her first name? Isn't that a little _friendly_?"

Takada raised a perfectly sculpted eyebrow as regally as she could manage, and ignored this. "I'm not sure I've had the pleasure," she said politely, "but – she wouldn't happen to be a model, would she? I may have seen that face before."

Light glanced over his shoulder at Misa, and was greeted with an expression that one might find on a particularly vicious, yappy little dog. "You're right, Takada. She is a model."

"Yeah – Light's going to have to leave _early_, because he's coming on a photo shoot with _me_, Kiyomi," Misa grinned smugly. "Too bad you'll be left here all alone, whilst Light and Misa have fun…"

"Oh. So you're going to try modelling too, Yagami?" asked Takada. "I thought you were aspiring to be the head of the NPA… and… though I hate to be the one to point this out, you do appear to have a little bruising on your face, around your eye…" She pointed a slender finger carefully towards the black eye, which Misa had evidently put somewhat less effort into disguising this morning.

Light scowled a little. "No, I have another reason to go to Misa's photo shoot." He raised his hand, and jangled the handcuff around his wrist.

"Yeah – Misa and Light are chained together. Light couldn't _bear_ to be without his Misa!"

Takada couldn't mask her bewilderment. "… Handcuffs? That seems…"

"A little extreme, yes, yes," he waved his hand dismissively. "It's a long story. I'd rather not go into the details now – at any rate, the lecture should be starting soon."

Still puzzled, Takada nodded slowly. "I suppose I should check that I've brought everything I need for today," she said, and began leafing delicately through the contents of her handbag.

As Misa was grumbling quietly to herself, Light took the chance to mull this situation over. Here he was, stuck between two women most men would kill their own mothers to go out with, who were evidently in competition over him. One was a slightly psychopathic fan girl, with only enough mental capacity to carry her through a job interview for advertising nail polish. The other was a pompous narcissist with only her public image and social progression cluttering her otherwise extremely dull mind.

Wonderful.

He considered, for a moment, about using Takada to his advantage: after all, he had been looking for a prospective girlfriend to pair L up with, and setting them up together might at least stop Misa moaning for a short while. However, he quickly dismissed this plan, as it both involved having the two girls in contact with one another for a time far longer than necessary (something he was understandably apprehensive to let happen), and also held the potential to backfire; he was looking for a girl who was stupid, and whilst Takada was painfully predictable in her mannerisms, she wasn't technically an idiot. She was, put bluntly, very boring. And he wasn't looking for boring.

He had a good idea of what kind of girl L would find irritating: someone with little to no practical skill or intelligence, someone who floats aimlessly through life doing nothing of any consequence, someone who would pester him into going on dates and shopping every five minutes, someone whose personality was so mind-blowingly two-dimensional that they could be described to someone with a maximum of four words. Someone, moreover, like Misa.

Light couldn't merely settle on hoping that his choice would annoy L – for all he knew, the detective might even get on with Takada, after a push in the right direction. The only way he could make sure that he had paid him back for letting Misa run riot with a set of handcuffs was to nail him down with someone absolutely infuriating; preferably even worse than Misa.

Looking around a university wasn't going to get him the right results. A modelling shoot, on the other hand…

He relaxed further into his chair. Though today certainly wasn't going to be enjoyable, there was every possibility that it could at least be productive.

--

**Author's Note:** _… Gosh._

_I have been writing a lot today, just to make sure I got this finished before the weekend is out. The reason behind this being that I, much like Light in this fic, will be going back to my designated educational facility this Monday._

_I watch as the day grows nearer with fear and trembling…_

_Enough of that. You readers don't want to hear about my academic worryings – though it might affect my frequency of posting a bit…_

_All in all, I don't think this chapter is half bad. In fact, it's half good. And maybe even the other half good too. I always like reading and writing dream sequences, because it gives you a chance to get a better understanding of the character. I guess mine here is a little exaggerated, but then again, dreams often are OTT._

_Thanks to the readers and reviewers. Please don't hesitate to leave a comment or question – if, of course, you want to._

_On Another Note (literally), I have been successfully pestered by a henceforth unnamed individual (hint: It's another FFYP operative) to dedicate this, my thirteenth chapter, to a crazy guy called Beyond Birthday. I have not actually read the BB Murder Case, but that is not the point._

_… Stay tuned…_

--

A.I – ALTERNATE INCARCERATION

CHAPTER 13

DEDICATED TO THE FLAMBOYANT FICTIONAL CRIMES OF BEYOND BIRTHDAY

_"I don't know who he is – he's just some sort of crazy man, I suppose"_


	16. Chapter 14: Handcuffs

_Hello._

_This is my fourteenth chapter._

_I hope you like it._

_(Trying to keep things brief – after all, I do go on quite a bit sometimes)_

_Before I go on, though, I'd like to apologise to anyone who has been offended by my recent weird stuff. For some reason, I feel a little guilty for posting so much stuff that – in hindsight – probably makes it seem as though I'm completely insane._

_I'm not. And I'll try to prove it too._

_DISCLAIMER: Death Note has no affiliations with me, other than through fan fiction._

--

**Chapter Fourteen: Handcuffs**

Light settled quickly into the mundane task of mechanically taking notes whilst the lecture droned on. Though he was sure he wouldn't need them – in fact, there was very little he was being told that he didn't know already – it had become something of a knee-jerk reaction after so many years in education: when somebody with more qualifications than you talk, you write it down.

To his left, the 'refined' Takada followed suit; however, it was evident from her expression that she may actually have been learning something. To his right, Misa was staring pointedly at the clock, counting down every minute they had until it was finally time to leave.

'As discussed, the human psyche', Light's mechanical pencil wrote neatly, 'primarily develops from animalistic urges that have been passed down through its evolutionary ancestry. Perhaps the most basic of the human emotions that are a derivative of this process is desire. Desire, of course, stems from the carnal desires of the human creature to reproduce and continue its genetic bloodline…'

"Light…" whispered Misa.

'… which is, arguably, displaced in humans (unlike other animals) and mentally computed as love. Love, it could be argued, is a chemical reaction that occurs when the individual is presented with a suitable…'

"L-i-i-ight…" she whispered once again, a little louder this time.

'… from this hypothesis, we could be led to conclude that the human mind also…'

Light felt a sharp nudge to his ribs. "Light," she said.

'… inanimate object, which allows…'

"Light," she nudged him again.

'… becomes attracted…'

"Light!!"

"WHAT?" Light yelled, turning to face her. "WHAT THE HELL DO YOU WANT?! CAN'T YOU JUST SHUT UP FOR FIVE MINUTES?"

The room fell silent.

"… We have to go now," Misa whimpered.

"… Oh," he said, suddenly noticing that all eyes were on him and, somewhat uncharacteristically, finding himself quite embarrassed at this. "I… see. Okay. Okay then. Let's… go… Misa." He snatched his notes from the table and grabbed her by the arm, still feeling the other students gaping in stunned silence at him until they had finally left the room.

Misa stared up at him in terror.

Light marched quickly through the corridors, keeping his eyes firmly fixed on the horizon.

"… Light?"

"What is it, Misa?" he murmured, barely moving his lips.

"You shouted. At… me." She audibly gulped.

Light sighed. "I… didn't mean it, Misa. I wasn't angry at you. It's probably just that today is going to be so hectic for us. I'm sorry that I ended up shouting at you, of all people."

A second awkward silence.

"… Was Kiyomi bugging you too?"

Light tried not to roll his eyes. "Yes, Misa. I really wanted her to leave us alone."

Misa wrapped her arms around his waist.

Too simple. Now all he would have to deal with was the painstaking rebuilding of his public appearance at university.

"Let's just get you to your photo shoot, shall we?" he smiled.

"Uh-huh! Then it will be just Light and Misa!"

"… Except for the photographer."

"Except for the photographer, yeah."

Deciding to keep on the good side of the evidently high-maintenance Misa, Light called for a taxi to take them to the studio; after all, he wouldn't want to put her through any undue stress, especially after shouting so horribly at her like that… When they eventually arrived at their destination, he held the car door open for her like a true gentleman, and held her hand tightly as they entered the building. Unfortunately, it seemed to him that he would have to keep up this ridiculous charade of pretending to be a doting boyfriend until further notice.

The pair walked into the reception, and were directed to the correct room by a cheery young woman behind the desk.

As they entered the room and closed the door behind them, someone gasped. "Oh, Misa-Misa, you've bought a friend along? A _male_ friend, no less. He's pretty handsome, quite a hunk if you ask me – quite a catch, Miss Misa!"

Misa giggled. "Hello Narita-san! Yeah, I brought my _boyfriend_ along. Say hello to Narita-san, Light – he's my _favourite_ photographer!"

Light inspected the individual in question, slightly confused at this. Had she just said _he_ was her favourite photographer? Implying _he_ was _male_? Deciding to, for the moment, ignore this, he nodded politely in Narita-san's direction. "Pleased to meet you, Narita-san. I'm Light Yagami."

"Decided to tag along with Miss Misa today?" the photographer smirked flamboyantly, casually brushing a stray hair from his/her/its eyes. "Can't say I blame you – she's a pretty little thing, isn't she?"

"Indeed she is," he replied, carelessly.

"Well, as long as you don't distract us from our work too much, Light-chan, we'll be fine. Just take a seat somewhere," said Narita-san.

Light scowled. _Light-chan?_

"Oh. Narita-san, Light can't go and sit down. Light has to stay with me," said Misa, raising her hand and bringing the handcuff chain to the photographer's attention. "We're chained together, and we've promised not to take them off until Misa is sure Light loves her enough."

Unlike most people who were presented with this concept, Narita-san did not look concerned, or ask whether they had thought this through. He didn't even raise an eyebrow. Instead, much to Light's horror, he smiled.

The kind of smile that nobody should have. A perverted smile. An evil smile. A smile with criminal intent.

"That's even better, Miss Misa."

"Really?"

"Oh, _yes_," said Narita-san. "You see, I haven't exactly been briefed to do anything in particular with this shoot, which gives me a bit of freedom on the subject matter. But with you and Light-chan here, with your little chain thing, your handcuffs… I think this could be the best shoot you've ever done, Miss Misa."

Misa gasped. "Really?!"

"Definitely. But…" the photographer unveiled his villainous smile once again, "… I think we should go for something a little more dramatic, don't you? One set of handcuffs might not quite cut it… We need something _eye-catching_, something that'll make all your adoring fans _really_ interested."

Light yet again began to fear for his life. For someone who had not had any experience in this field only three days ago, he was getting to be quite good at it.

--

"Feel it, darling, feel it! Come on, Light-chan, don't waste your good looks! Love the camera, feel the emotion! Oh, this is going to be _brilliant_!!"

Misa giggled uncontrollably as she dangled from one of the numerous chains linking her to Light, her body hanging limply and yet somehow with dynamic quality. "Isn't this fun, Light?"

Restraining himself from speaking his mind, he merely replied with a nod.

"Light-chan, just go with it! I want to _feel_ the lust, the… the sexual tension… You're bound to your true love, you _want_ her, just _go_ for it! _Go_ for it!"

"… Surely if I did that, you would have to aim these photographs at a completely different audience," said Light. "It is, you must admit, running a little close to softcore pornography."

"But that's the _great_ thing about it, darling!" said Narita-san, still clicking furiously away with his camera. "It's so close, so tantalisingly _close_, but never fulfilled. You're _teasing_ the audience. You're _flirting_ with them. _Flirt_ with the camera, Light-chan, flirt with it!"

Finally, Light gave up, and adopted a vaguely amorous expression.

Narita-san shivered. "OOOH!! Yes! That's it, Light-chan, you _want_ her!!"

--

Tired.

Humiliated.

Defeated.

Light wished for nothing more than this day to end.

He hadn't even had any luck finding a girlfriend for L – all of his time during the photo shoot had been spend up to his neck in chains and cuffs, either straddling Misa or pinning her against the wall, being shrieked at by an extremely excitable androgynous photographer.

Put concisely, today had been a total waste of time.

And still, he grumbled silently to himself, he would have to keep going. Keep humouring Misa. Keep smiling, as if he liked nothing more than finding himself completely demeaned in public, whilst being chained to a stupid, stupid, _stupid_ girl with a _stupid_ job and a _stupid_ set of handcuffs…

He supposed there was one plus-point to the day so far: at least Narita-san hadn't allowed Misa to keep the other chains.

They had arrived back home. After the strenuous experience of modelling (and this time, Light could truly sympathise with this), Misa had wanted to relax a little. Being obedient as he was for the time being, he had of course obliged by getting another taxi to take them home.

He assured himself that this was all worth it. The more he obedient he was to her now, the more she would do for him later. She _would_ find L a girlfriend. And whilst she was distracted, he would rise victorious. Revenge, and the final discarding of Misa. All would be back to normal… No, all would be on his terms.

He _would_ win.

Misa interrupted his thoughts with a playful tap on the nose. "Light…?" she smiled.

"Yes, Misa?"

"I'm feeling all icky after modelling. All sweaty and stuff," she said, pulling a face. "Misa needs a good shower. Maybe even a bath."

"Fine. Just chain me to the towel rail, and…"

Misa shook her head. "Misa's been thinking, too… Light really seemed to enjoy the photo shoot today, so… maybe Light and Misa could have a bath together…" She raised an eyebrow suggestively.

"… I'm not sure I…"

"You don't have to be shy in front of Misa. Misa understands."

Light bit his lip.

"… Fine. I'll have a bath with you. That sounds like a… wonderful idea."

--

**Author's Note:** _Something I wrote up in just a couple of hours. I'm quite surprised at the quality, considering._

_Basically, I wanted to include a slightly more dangerous aspect to the story: something a little more risqué. Perhaps I'm looking for a reason to actually justify this being rated T._

_Of course, I'm not going to change the rating, so rest assured that nothing graphic will happen. I get embarrassed with graphic scenes anyway, so I really couldn't imagine writing one. Perhaps I'll make Light get out of it somehow. Then again, perhaps I won't._

_Another little note; I suppose most people would have noticed the rapid change in pace over the past few chapters. This is not because I'm bored or anything like that. It's because I wanted to move the plot on a little. After all, There's a lot of development I'd like to work through. Sorry if this doesn't seem to work for some people._

_Thanks goes most prodigiously to the readers and reviewers of this fic. All reviews, suggestions and observations are important to me, so please, please keep writing them._

_… I appear to have calmed down from my slightly manic self, as present over the last chapter (and publication of my mini-fic). That's good to note._

_Stay tuned, please._


	17. Chapter 15: Damp

_A bath, or maybe a shower._

_Yes. I suggest you steel yourself. This is going to be one helluva chapter if I manage to get things down right._

_Light and Misa in the bath. It's perhaps not quite as popular an idea as L and Light in the bath, or Matt and Mello, but – understandably – it's definitely the most likely._

_DISCLAIMER: I am a fan of Death Note. If I had made it up, I wouldn't be: I would be its creator instead. This is fan fiction, not original fiction... Obviously._

--

**Chapter Fifteen: Damp**

Light bit his lip. He couldn't see any way out of this.

"… Fine. I'll have a bath with you."

"Oh! Oh wow!! Yay! Wow, yay!" Misa clapped her hands together, and hopped excitedly from one foot to the other. "Light and Misa – in a bath… in _Light's_ bath!!... Light and Misa in Light's bath together!! Wow! Yay yay yay!! Yay, Light! Misa in a bath with Light! With _Light_!! Misa and Light!! NAKED!! In a bath!! Together!!"

"… Yes, Misa. You and I, naked in a bath together."

"I'm going to run the bath RIGHT NOW!!" she beamed, hugged Light tightly around the middle, squealed in delight, and began to tug in the direction of the bathroom. "I'm going to run the bath, and then we can get in the bath and Light will be NAKED!! With Misa!! In the BATH!!"

A nervous bead of sweat made its way down Light's cheek. She certainly seemed to be getting into the idea. As he was practically pulled through the door and towards the Point of No Return, only one, very desperate thought remained in his mind.

_I HAVE to do something about this, quickly…_

With a manic determination, Misa barged through the bathroom door and quickly began running water into the bath. "Misa and Light in the bath… Misa and Light… in the BATH!" She grabbed a bottle of bubble bath and began pouring it liberally. "… in the BATH!!"

Light raised an eyebrow. "Misa. I imagine we'd have a bath much quicker if you put the plug in first."

"Oh, yeah. Misa forgot about the plug; this is so exciting! Can Light put it in, please?" She giggled at this, and it took him a surprising amount of time to understand quite why.

He had been far too busy devising ways to stall her.

"… Maybe we should rinse the bath first?" he said, hoping that this would work. "After all, I couldn't dream of letting you to sit in a dirty bath. Just imagine how horrible that would feel."

"Light is so thoughtful for his Misa, but," she ran a finger across the porcelain, "it looks pretty clean to me already. Anyway, Misa wouldn't want to keep Light waiting for his bath…"

Light cursed his mother and her dedicated cleaning regime, and begrudgingly inserted the plug into the plughole. In what seemed like only seconds, he was faced with the instrument of his imminent demise: a warm, bubbling, inviting-looking bathtub full of water and soap. To think that his downfall would be caused by a hygienic facility was all the more demeaning.

Misa's face had become an epitome of lust. So vacant yet so deliriously happy was she that it seemed only a matter of time before she started involuntarily drooling. "Now Misa and Light have to get NAKED!"

Light nodded slowly. It was better to face destiny with grim acknowledgement than to go down as a blubbering wreck. "Okay, Misa," he conceded. "I suppose now is as good a time as any to get undressed. And bathe… together."

She began to fumble with her belt buckle.

Then, Light smirked.

"Of course, there are a few things I think should be done before we do. Important things."

Misa glanced up at him. "… Important things?"

"Important things."

"What kind of important things, Light? They won't take long to do, will they?" She had a look not entirely unlike desperation about her.

Light shook his head. "No. They won't take long. Come with me." He calmly led her out of the bathroom, down the stairs, to a small and rather insignificant looking cupboard.

He knelt down, slowly.

Then, he opened the door.

Next, he took a look inside the cupboard.

He reached one of his hands inside.

He rummaged about a little.

…

"This is taking for ages!!" Misa wailed.

Eventually, Light's hand emerged, clutching a lumpy, brown paper bag. "We're almost ready. I just need one more thing from the kitchen," he said, getting to his feet with agonising care and precision, and dragging the frantic, frothing model behind him. Somehow he managed to spend a criminally long time searching through various kitchen drawers until he found what he was looking for: worryingly, a box of matches.

"Have you got everything yet? Pleeeease?"

Light looked from one hand to the other, and examined them carefully, for effect. "… Yes. Yes, I suppose I have."

"So, are you finished?"

He sighed. "Yes, Misa."

Without another word, Misa grabbed his hand, sprinted back up the stairs and into the bathroom once more. The door slammed behind them, and her hands returned to the clasp on her belt.

Light tutted, and waved the paper bag in front of her. "Are you sure you don't want to know what's in the bag first?" he asked, with a smile on his face. "After all, I did say that they were rather important."

Misa looked frantically from her waist to the bag, then to the bath, and back again. She seemed to be suffering some horrendous inner conflict, no doubt weighing up whether something Light had deemed important was better than the prospect of getting in a bath with him.

With a pained expression, she said, "… Okay. Can Misa see what's in the bag?"

_Got you_, he smirked.

He made a conscious effort to rummage in the bag as slowly as possible, and finally, with the greatest of theatrical flair he could muster, brought out one of the objects.

Misa stared at it for a moment. "A candle? Light needed candles?"

Light nodded.

"I guess the matches make a lot more sense now… But why are candles important? It's not really that late, and I don't think we're having a power cut anyway…" She stopped suddenly, and gasped. "Unless… Unless Light brought some candles so we could be all _romantic_ when we're in the bath!!"

Light nodded again. "Yes. I wanted to do something that would help set the mood."

"Kyaah! Light, you're so wonderful!!" she squealed, wrapping her arms around him, and giggled with rapt amazement when he returned the favour and embraced her. "Misa is so happy!!"

"I'm glad," he said. "Now, you can get changed while I light these candles for us, okay?"

"Anything you say, Light!!"

Smiling to himself, he struck a match as Misa whipped off her belt and started work on the rest of her outfit. By the time she had stripped completely down to her underwear, he had lit four of the seven candles, and placed them in strategic, artistic places around the bath; a minute or two later, and both Misa and the mood were ready.

"Misa, you can get in the bath now."

She eagerly obliged, sinking herself into the bubbles and getting into a comfortable position from which to watch him getting changed.

… He wasn't about to deny her a good show.

First, his top. He pulled it slowly upwards, and, as just as he was about to pull it over his head, pretended as though it was getting stuck and slowed down even further. When he eventually 'managed' to remove it, he folded it neatly, placed it out of the way, and moved seamlessly onto his belt. With this, he wasted no time and smoothly slipped it out of his trouser's belt loops with such dexterity that it was hard to follow quite how he had managed it. Then, after he had dumped this somewhat less tidily alongside his top, he began the 'arduous' task of removing the rest of his clothing. From hereon in, he would have to take it as slowly as humanly possible…

After what seemed to Misa to be an eternity, her eyes were met – for the first (official) time – with a completely naked Light Yagami. It didn't look as though she could even think of tearing her gaze from him now, and she was gripping the side of the bath so tightly that her knuckles had turned white.

Light slowly lowered himself into the bath alongside her, and grinned to himself as she instantly began to fawn over him.

_Exactly as planned!!_

"Will you put a little more hot water into the bath, Misa? It doesn't feel quite warm enough to me," he said.

"Oh, yes, yes, Light! Misa will do anything for her darling Light!" Misa promptly turned the hot water tap, and stopped the flow when he nodded.

"Thank you, Misa," he said, and relaxed further into the water.

Now, he thought as he zoned out from the inevitable groping that was to come, there was no denying it. Misa was motivated purely by desire – more often than not for him – and now he was using this to his advantage, she would do anything he asked. More than that, he had proven that the majority of her obedience was the product of waiting: if you dangled the proverbial carrot _just_ out of reach, she (like many people) would jump at the bait; she would do ANYTHING for it.

This, he could use. All he would have to do was wait for the right moment, and close the trap.

… There.

"Misa…" he mumbled nervously, putting a hand on one of her shoulders, "… Could you… not… touch that?"

"Not touch what, Light?" she asked.

He nodded down the length of his torso, at where her hand was placed. "There… It's not the fact that I don't appreciate your… eagerness in this situation. It's just that… I agreed to get in the bath with you to make you happy, and make sure you could do what you wanted to do. I'm just not sure that I'm ready to go… that far… in our relationship yet."

Misa looked from her hand, up Light's body, and to the embarrassed expression on his face. "… Aw… Poor Light's nervous! It's… um… umm… Yeah, that's okay. I'm sorry, Misa shouldn't have been so… umm…"

"It's fine, it's just…"

"No, no, Misa doesn't want to make Light do anything he doesn't want to…" she said, smiling genuinely but with a definite tone of disappointment in her voice. "We can just… cuddle and things. Is that okay for now?"

"Yes, Misa," Light smiled back, though for a completely different reason. "Yes, that's fine."

It was done. Now, Misa would spend her every waking moment trying to please him so he would agree to have sex with her… and now, no matter how it turned out, and no matter how painful it might be throughout the process, he would have no way of losing. If it all worked out as he planned, she would put in as much effort into getting back at L for him, and everything would work out perfectly. If he, however, was faced with a situation where he had no option but to give into her desires, this would mean that she would probably unchain him anyway: after all, Misa's idea of 'showing your love for someone' probably stemmed completely from having sex with them; and if he 'showed his love for her', she would – or rather, _should_ – unchain him. Of course, this was a little hit-and-miss, considering her way of dealing with situations, but he would think of a way. At least now he was back in control.

He thought back to yesterday morning, and to his dream last night. It was true that everyone really just wanted the world to revolve around themselves, and for all around them to comply to their every wish, but of course that was impossible.

Or was it?

--

**Author's Note:** _One of the cleverest chapters I've ever written. I kept my proof-reader guessing all the way through, which is something I don't feel I manage to do all that often._

_This chapter really doesn't mark anything special in A.I. in my opinion – it just grounds Light Yagami's approach to situations. I hope I've got that across as well as I'd hoped…_

_Thanks to all who read and review this story: you're the real driving force behind this, so please keep reading…_

_I haven't anything more to say (which is odd, considering my usual author's notes), so I shall bid you adieu. Until next chapter._

_Stay tuned._


	18. Chapter 16: Deduction

_On our way out of the bizarre situation… So no more ogling Light's naked body for Misa after this._

_(Misa probably would have a fit at those words)_

_… Am I talking to myself again? This is even more weird than usual._

_Chapter sixteen. A.I. is now legally able to smoke, have sex and buy lottery tickets in Britain._

_DISCLAIMER: Death Note, believe it or not, belongs to Tsugumi Ohba and Takeshi Obata. I know, I know._

--

**Chapter Sixteen: Deduction**

L mused as he carefully cut a slice of strawberry shortcake.

Today had been… difficult. Not, he imagined, quite as difficult as Light-kun's had been – but difficult nonetheless.

It wasn't the case, in so many words. The case alone was quite simple. What complicated things was the fact that everyone else seemed to consider it their duty to get in the way. Ironically, they all seemed to think that they were 'trying to help' when they did so…

He was relaxing with cake. Cake didn't pester you for information. Cake didn't make things unnecessarily complicated for itself. Cake was straightforward, to the point, and (as an added bonus) very tasty indeed. If people were more like cake, he thought, the world would be a better place.

For one thing, there wouldn't be stupid criminals going around committing murder and kidnapping innocent bystanders…

… And without criminals, there would be no need for L.

He shook his head, and put his fork delicately into a piece of cake. Perhaps it was better that stupidity existed in the world: otherwise, he would be out of a job. If everyone acted in the way he wanted them to, things would get boring very quickly. He wouldn't even be able to amuse himself with watching Light-kun squirm…

He wondered just how Misa's plan was progressing; her ridiculous plan to get Light to fall in love with her – how far had he been pushed by now? L sincerely doubted that he would have cracked yet. Of course, knowing the kind of young man Light was, there was no questioning that he had devised a Plan. Some way he could get rid of Misa and, simultaneously, get his own back on a certain world-renowned detective who seemed to have sold him out.

L hadn't sold him out. He had done nothing of the sort. He had merely deliberately misinterpreted Misa's intentions and aided her on what could – theoretically – have been considered to be a completely harmless, innocent venture. Of course, if Light read his actions with any other meaning behind them than this, that was his choice.

Anyway, it made it all the more interesting to watch.

Misa giggled as Light stepped out of the bath. "You're all _wet_…"

"… Yes. Yes I am. I've just had a bath, remember?" said Light, trying to make his last remark sound as flippant and friendly as possible.

"Mm-hmm... Light had a bath with Misa. And now Light's out of the bath, he's all _wet_," she eyed the towel rail. "Light needs to get dry again… and Misa does too…"

Light shrugged.

"We could always towel one another down…" she said, a little more forcefully, as though anyone with half a mind would be able to miss her motives the first time round.

"… Okay," he said. After all, it was only a small step away from applying sun tan lotion to every square inch of someone's barely clothed body… and he had spent the last hour or so in a relatively small tub of soapy water with her, which had inevitably dulled the blow of seeing her naked.

"Yay!!" Misa leapt from the bath and surprisingly didn't slip over on the wet floor tiles. She skipped over to the towels on tiptoes, and plucked a fluffy pink one from the rail. "Can Misa do Light first? Please?"

Light smirked. "Actually, I was going to ask whether I could help you dry off first. I want to do something that shows my appreciation for you. A way of thanking you for giving me such a good time these past few days."

Predictably, her arms wrapped around him. "Oh, Light, you're so _thoughtful_… You really care for Misa, don't you? Okay, you can dry me first." She passed him the towel, and stood back a little.

_Make her think you want her. Indulge her a little. And every time she suggests something, offer her something better,_ he thought to himself, and he began work. _That's the way to get around Misa_.

"Oh…" Misa moaned as the towel was dabbed down the length of her leg. "That is…"

"… so good. The best cake I have had for a while, Watari. Thank you."

Watari smiled. "Really? It's a new recipe I've been trying."

L raised an eyebrow at this, and looked at the crumbs on the empty plate. "New recipe? I had noticed a significant difference in the overall taste and consistency, but I hadn't really explored the possibility of it being due to a new recipe to any substantial degree…"

"Does that mean I outsmarted you, L?"

"… No," he scowled a little. Pausing for a moment, he breathed deeply, and continued. "I would like to have a look at this 'new recipe' of yours later, Watari. I want to see how anyone could have dared to improve on strawberry shortcake."

Watari tried not to smile. "Of course. Would you like me to get you something else for now?"

"Nothing at the moment. Everything I need pertaining to the case is within reach, and I'm not hungry any more," he replied. "In fact, feel free to take a few hours off if you want."

At this, Watari narrowed his eyes a little, but decided not to argue: any offer of time off during a case wasn't something to be sniffed at. He politely made his way out of the room, leaving L completely alone.

…

Time to think.

What was Light-kun planning? He was planning _something_, there was no doubt in L's mind of that. Some ingenious little way of getting back at him, some annoying little trick… Some trap…

He would have to consider the facts.

Light Yagami was physically bound to Misa. Of course, he wouldn't be enjoying that; it would be hard to imagine _anyone_ enjoying being handcuffed to another person for twenty four hours a day, let alone someone as… vocal as Misa-san.

Knowing what he knew, Light Yagami would draw to the conclusion that L had something to do with his incarceration. So, he would not only be resentful towards Misa, but to L too…

…

Light Yagami was childish. Light Yagami hated to lose. Most of all, Light Yagami hated to work on other people's terms. He was much like himself in these respects. Ultimately, the question here was…

_What would I do in his situation?_

Get revenge. Better than that, put the opponent in an even worse predicament.

And what, considering the circumstances, would Light-kun believe to be an even worse predicament?

He would find a girl equally as grating as Misa-san, and partner her off with L.

Light wouldn't be able to use Misa herself, because that wouldn't function within his plans of freeing himself: if he planned to make her believe that he loved her, she would be too devoted to him and wouldn't agree to it; and if he planned to make her give up on him, he would have to discourage her to the point of detestation, and then she wouldn't take part in his ploy either. Instead, he would _have_ to resort to an external source.

So what was Light-kun planning?

Simple. Whether he was planning on making Misa believe he loved her or not, her obsession with him would make her easy to manipulate into helping his cause. He would use her connections with similarly vacant-minded models to find a perfect source of annoyance for L. This would get the job of revenge over with, but also put him in an advantageous position: leaving Misa to do all the leg-work would provide him ample time to figure out a way of getting rid of her.

Exactly what he himself would have done.

Now, L faced the even less difficult challenge of deciding exactly how he would counter this plan.

This was becoming quite an enjoyable hobby.

--

**Author's Note:** _Yes, short, I know. And it took me so long to write too. Sorry about that. I just found it so hard to hit the right notes with L, which is perhaps why I didn't choose to write a fic mainly about him…_

_A longer chapter will follow as soon as possible, with more misadventures from your favourite Kiras… if you can call them that._

_My main motivation for writing this was to prove that L and Light are both scheming, manipulative gits. This isn't to say that I don't like them – quite the reverse – but I just thought that it would be a good idea to bring that to light. L in particular is often overlooked as being a negative character in any way, which seems a little weird to me: it's his very nature to lie as much as humanly possible, to get his job done._

_But enough about that. And enough from this almost depressingly short chapter._

_I'd like to once again thank all readers, new and… seasoned. All reviews are welcome (even negative ones – oddly, I don't think I've had one of those yet), but not necessary – at any rate, if you don't want to leave feedback I hardly think that me pestering you for any would be particularly productive._

_That was a long-winded way of going about that. Even for me._

_…_

_Stay tuned…_


	19. Chapter 17: Obedience

_Right. One A.I. chapter coming straight up._

_This time, with GUSTO. Whatever gusto might be._

_It's got gusto at any rate. And lots of it._

_What am I even talking about any more?_

_DISCLAIMER: Tsugumi Ohba and Takeshi Obata would be very upset if I said that Death Note was mine. It's theirs really, I'm just borrowing._

--

**Chapter Seventeen: Obedience**

Love is a beautiful thing.

Waking up next to a short, twitching female model that was currently dribbling all over your bed pillows is somewhat less so.

Light stretched elaborately and yawned. Through some miracle, he had managed to have a decent night's sleep, and was feeling all the better for it. Misa had been very cooperative after their bath together, and hadn't even asked to go on one of their 'romantic' walks: in fact, most of the rest of her day was spent gazing at him, with a dreamy look in her eyes.

Of course this was a little disconcerting – after all, being watched with such intensity could never be a comfortable experience for anyone – but on the whole he had to admit that he much preferred _this_ Misa to the loud obnoxious one who kept on bugging him to go on dates with her. If this was the kind of reaction he would get every time he took off his clothes in front of her, he might consider making it a habit.

Today, he decided, they would actually begin work on finding L a girlfriend. As soon as Misa woke up, he would take her downstairs and treat her to a romantic breakfast, and then… FINALLY… his Plan would commence.

He sat in bed for a while, grinning in sado-masochistic glee at the thought of this. His _Plan_. He could imagine it: in only a few short days, everything would be back to the way he wanted it.

_When this is all over,_ he thought to himself, and the mere idea of it gave him goosebumps. _When all this is over…_

…

Next to him, Misa made a high-pitched grunting noise as she fidgeted in her sleep, sounding not unlike a piglet. In a subconscious effort, she drew her hand up and placed her thumb in her mouth, and snuggled a little closer to his body.

It appeared Light would have to wait a little while longer for his Plan to come to fruition.

No matter.

This would give him a little more time to revel in his own hedonistic imaginings.

--

Seven hundred and fifty six.

Light had counted three times – there was no denying it.

In his room, he had seven hundred and fifty six books. That, he realised, was quite a lot of books. Probably more than he would ever need to read.

If you read them all, one after the other, you could probably finish _just_ before Misa woke up.

He returned his gaze, longingly, to his alarm clock. It was 10:37.

10:37. In the morning, he had to keep reminding himself. Exactly two hours, forty-one minutes and… fifteen seconds since he had woken up. She had been asleep for so long that, on several occasions, he had considered checking her pulse.

The frustrating part was that he _couldn't_ wake her. Waking her up would put her in a bad mood, and putting her in a bad mood with him would ruin his plans completely. All he could do was sit, in silence, and hope in vain that she would feel him lightly nudging her in the back so she would wake up of her own accord.

Nudge.

Nudge.

Nudge.

"Mmm…?" said Misa.

Light held his breath in hope. Perhaps – perhaps she was finally waking up!

"Mmm…" she said again, arching her back a little. "MmmLight… mnum… MmmLight…"

She rolled over to face him, and began to snore.

…

_That's it_.

Light had had enough. It was time for plan B.

He lay back down in the bed, and got himself into a comfortable position. Turning to face her, he neared in, and pursed his lips.

If Misa didn't wake up after Light Yagami kissed her, they had either found themselves in an alternate universe or she would be certified dead.

His lips met hers.

Her eyes immediately blinked open.

As she grabbed his pyjama top and pulled him in, Light suddenly realised that he was going to receive a lot more than he had bargained for. Just because Misa was going to listen to his every word didn't mean things were going to be easy.

--

"For me?!" Misa squealed as her breakfast was placed on the table in front of her. "Light made this for Misa? That's so _romantic_!!" She beckoned him towards her and planted a kiss on his cheek.

"It wasn't really supposed to be a romantic gesture," he lied. "I just wanted to do something nice for you. After all, didn't you want me to show you my true feelings for you? Isn't that the reason you put these handcuffs on?"

"Aww! That's so _sweet_!!" Another peck on the cheek. Light assumed that this was soon going to replace Misa's general tendency towards hugging him every five minutes. After all, their relationship was 'developing'…

He placed his own, far more modest breakfast next to hers, and sat down. He made care to inch his chair a little closer to her before he began eating.

They ate in silence: Misa was evidently far too intoxicated with flowery thoughts to be able to string together a sentence; Light was far too wrapped up in his scheme to care about anything else.

When he had finished, and Misa was just about to stick a fork in her last remaining pancake, Light coughed and raised his hand politely. "Might I just… intrude? I'd like to say something, if you wouldn't mind."

Misa nodded, her expression one of complete and utter blind adoration. "Of course Misa doesn't mind, Light! Misa _loves_ to hear whatever Light has to say."

"Well… it's just that I was thinking about one of our conversations earlier this week. I'd rather not bring this up, but it's something I would _really_ like to do. Do you remember talking about how lonely L is, and how he pesters me all the time?"

"… Yes," she said.

"I thought your idea of getting him a girlfriend was really, really good. So I was wondering… perhaps we should do that. I know it isn't what you really wanted to do, but I promise that if you help me with this, I _will_ make it worth your while…" he smiled, and raised an eyebrow suggestively. "Perhaps if you were to show how much you loved me by getting L a girlfriend, I might feel a little less nervous about… taking our relationship to the next level, if you know what I mean."

Blackmail. Moreover, sexual blackmail. Even Light felt a little cheap at having to pull this one. But this was the way it had to be – this was the Plan.

Misa, however, didn't seem quite so fazed by this. Despite the countless times she had missed the point and been confounded by his hidden meanings in conversations, she had no trouble in deciphering what he meant here. "So if I get L a girlfriend then Misa and Light can… make _love_?"

Light nodded.

"Misa will get started on it right away!" she beamed. "Misa will do _everything_ she can to help Light!"

They left the table. The last pancake lay untouched.

Light was smiling.

"Okay… Okay," Misa said, frantically. "Okay. First, we get ready to go out. Then we stop off at my place so we can find all my friend's phone numbers in my address book. Then, after that, we can go out and see if we can find anyone else who might be interested in going out with him. Maybe after we could go on one of those websites for sad lonely people, and sign up as him so we can get more choice that way too…"

"You mean a dating network site? Isn't that going a little far?"

"Light wants Misa to get a girlfriend for L, doesn't he?"

"… Sorry. We'll do things your way then, Misa," said Light, not in the least bit disappointed by this. "After all, being a young woman as attractive as yourself, you probably know the mechanics of starting relationships better than anyone."

Misa giggled uncontrollably for several minutes.

"Thank you Light!!" she kissed him. "It's so _sweet_ of you to say so!!"

_This is almost too easy,_ he thought. _I could probably get her to roll over and play dead if I wanted her to._

He almost seriously considered this as they climbed the stairs and began getting ready. He could, probably literally, ask her to do _anything_, and she would do it. The possibilities were endless, and – despite the fact that he would have to keep on humouring her – he couldn't help but marvel at the idea of it. Somehow, over one night, he had created his very own personal servant who – for a small fee of fake devotion – would act obediently on his every whim.

Love _is_ a beautiful thing.

And perhaps Misa wasn't so bad after all, once you got to know her.

--

**Author's Note:** _Again, a little short… but this chapter seems to have a lot more content in it; it makes more sense to me than last time. Perhaps I enjoyed writing this one more because, from this, I get the feeling that it's really moving somewhere._

_Does anybody have any ideas about what they think might happen? I have a few ideas knocking around in my head, but I just want to open it up to you readers out there so I can get a feel for how the fic is coming across._

_Also, I'm just nosey about things like that. Sorry to be so blunt, but there you go._

_Thank you to everyone who reads and reviews this story. Whether you like it or hate it, I'm just glad that you've taken the time to read something that I've written._

_Stay tuned…_


	20. BONUS: L Review

_Installment number three._

_A very… interesting review._

_Meet the world's greatest detective._

_DISCLAIMER: Death Note is not, and I repeat, NOT mine. Really. It isn't. Not a bit._

--

**:BONUS 3:**

**L LAWLIET REVIEW**

**A.I – Alternate Incarceration**

**(Chapters 13-17)**

Hello.

I have been reading your fan fiction story, 'A.I – Alternate Incarceration' for a while. Finally, I have made the effort to send you a message – a review – to air my views.

First and foremost, I would like to show my appreciation towards the ideas behind your story. Using an existing idea within the Death Note narrative and applying it to Light and Misa is a little unimaginative, but I completely sympathise with the intentions. Moreover, the overall structuring and development of the characters within the situation is remarkably accurate: Light-kun – Light Yagami, I mean, has quickly developed from an upstanding young man and into a manipulative, self-obsessed individual; Misa-san has been suitably grating throughout. Even the World's Greatest Detective, L, has been as accurate to his character as possible for you to emulate.

The overall story has obviously been well thought out, and I personally like the awkward predicaments within which you place your two protagonists (or would that be a protagonist and antagonist?). My favourite moment was Light-kun finding himself in a particularly demeaning photo shoot: I took my time imagining what would happen to his credibility and popularity after they had been printed and published…

This isn't to say that I disapprove of the new plot twist you're introducing. It was inevitable that Light-kun would find a way of swinging the situation to his immediate favour, and Misa's complacency was similarly only to be expected… but as the story progresses I become all the more interested in the actions taken by L. Despite being present only sparingly, it's clear to me that his influences are what shape the outcome of the narrative itself. I have a very good idea of what his next move to counter Light-kun's plan will be, but I would rather see your interpretations of his character than discuss them with you here.

Ultimately, I hope that you continue writing 'A.I – Alternate Incarceration'. It's rare that I find a piece of fanfiction that compels me, but something about this particular story is very appealing… Perhaps this is due to the fact that you aren't afraid to embarrass your male lead role.

On a side note, I have a few questions I would like to ask:

Could you please elaborate on L's current case? From the amount of work he is doing on it, it doesn't seem particularly interesting… Therefore, why did he decide to take this case? This is one of the weakest points in your writing.

Is there any significance in the inclusion of the other Yagami family members, the Japanese task force, Kiyomi Takada and the… mysterious… Narita-san? And was there any relevance in mentioning Mello and Near?

Finally, I would like to ask what the exact recipe for the strawberry shortcake was. Did it, perhaps, have orange rind mixed in with the cream? I ask this question merely for personal satisfaction.

I await your response,

Hiroshi Toyama.

P.S. Please give Misa some more ideas.

--

**Author's Note:** _Stop lying, "Hiroshi"! I know you're really L! At any rate, the answers to the questions posed are as follows:_

_1) Protagonists? Protagonist and antagonist? Perhaps both, perhaps neither. Does it really matter?_

_2) Basically, L's case during A.I. concerns the serial murders and kidnappings of numerous Japanese government officials. The reason why he's taken it is because it's interesting in a global politics sense, but unfortunately it hasn't turned out to be anything more than that. I hope that sounds plausible._

_3) The characters mentioned MIGHT be important. Then again, they might not. You'll just have to keep reading._

_4) No orange rind, sorry. It's much like any standard strawberry shortcake, but with just a few hidden additions. I'll tell you that there's cinnamon involved, but that's all I'm willing to say… It's a closely guarded and completely fictional secret!_

_…_

_Obviously, A different tone again. I don't know if I achieved it, but I imagined that L would be quietly amused by the idea of Light being stuck in a situation like this. I might have flattered myself a little by saying that he was 'compelled' by my work, but then again I suppose if it was annoying Light, he would find it fun to persevere with. This review is quite full of big words…_

_Chapter 18 is already floating about in my head, practically fully-formed (which is very rare for me to experience). It should be written and posted within the next few days._

_Thanks to readers, for all the moral support and general readingness. If that makes sense. I'm just happy you're reading, basically._

_Stay tuned._


	21. Chapter 18: Pursuit

_Death Note is an interesting thing. Somehow, it managed to single-handedly draw me back into modern manga…_

_Therefore, I have a lot to owe to it. Which is why I'm taking writing A.I. so seriously. I know it's a little silly, but this almost farcical fic is my own little way of thanking Ohba and Obata for making Death Note up…_

_Now that I say that, it sounds like I'm actually making fun of them. Really, I'm not._

_DISCLAIMER: See above._

--

**Chapter Eighteen: Pursuit**

Light Yagami opened the small black book and glanced down the list of names. He could hardly believe how many there were… But these were only the tip of the iceberg.

Very soon, there would be many more names. His mission would be complete quicker than he ever could have imagined.

"Impressive, Misa," he said, still perusing the book. "You certainly know a lot of people, don't you?"

"Misa is popular! Misa is a star," she grinned. "Of course Misa knows a lot of people… but don't worry, Light's the _only_ one that really matters to Misa…" She snuggled up to his shoulder, and wrapped her arms around him.

"And I couldn't be happier about it. So… shall we start work on getting L that girlfriend?" Light smiled, pulling her even closer to him. "After all, that's what we both want, right?"

"Oh, yes!" Misa giggled. "You can read out the names and numbers, and I'll phone them. If we work together, we can get this out of the way in no time… and then maybe we could do something a little more _interesting_ when we're done…!!"

A pitifully predictable wink shot his way.

"Yes, Misa. Perhaps we could," he said, winking back. "But, before we get too distracted, I want to make sure you've remembered what we were talking about before. What are the rules about these phone calls you're going to make?"

Surprisingly, Misa didn't seem to be fazed by him talking to her in such a patronising way: though, then again, she probably wasn't paying much attention to _how_ he was speaking… "Misa remembers! I tell them I have an…"

"Eccentric."

"… yeah, a weird friend who is looking for someone to love. I don't mention that he's L, because nobody's supposed to be told that he's L: instead I have to call him Takeshi. Umm… if they say they'd like to meet him after I tell them what he's like, I say that I'd like to meet up with them before they do so I can make sure that they're definitely right for him. If they ask why, I say that he's very… umm…"

"Reclusive."

"yeah, that, and that he's not very comfortable around certain people. Did I get everything, Light?"

Light planted a kiss on her cheek, and smiled. "Yes, Misa. It was very good of you to remember everything; I'm proud of you."

Misa's cheeks flushed pink. "Thank you! I'm so happy..."

"… I'm happy that you're happy," he said, "but we really do need to press on with this, otherwise we might not have time for anything more romantic afterwards."

"Oh no!" Misa flapped a little, and hurriedly fumbled her mobile phone open. "We'd better get working straight away! Call out the first name, please!"

Light leafed to the first page of Misa's black address book, and found the first female name on the list. "Inoue Yamana, 0XXXXXXXXX."

Misa tapped the digits into her phone, lifted it to her ear and waited for Inoue to pick up.

Eventually, she said, "Inoue-chan? This is Misa-Misa… I haven't seen you in a while – sorry! I've been too busy with my _boyfriend_… Oh, haven't I told you about him? His name's Light… yeah, I thought so too, it's so unusual… and he's so handsome and smart… He's so _wonderful_… He's sitting right next to me now, actually, but he's giving me a funny look…"

She giggled a little.

"Not that kind of funny look! Misa's Light is a little shy with that sort of thing at the moment… no, it's something else. He's rolling his hands at me like he wants me to say someth… Oh, oh, I get it! Sorry, Light-chan! Misa is on it!"

Light massaged his temples a little as his gaze returned to the address book.

"I called to ask you a question. I've got this guy friend called Takeshi, and he's very lonely. I was wondering if you'd be interested in going on a date or two with him? … No, not a double date… No, I don't want to spend _that_ much time with Takeshi, he's really weird… He sits all funny, and eats sweets all the time and is all pale, and he seems to spend all his time with a weird old English guy in a hat… Oh. So you don't want to go on a date with him? You sure?... Oh. Okay… Umm… Bye then!!" Misa put the phone down.

"Inoue said no, Light. I'm sorry…" she mumbled. "Maybe we'll have more luck with the next one."

"Erm… yes. I have a couple of pointers you might want to think about before we do though," Light corrected his posture and turned directly to face her. "First of all, perhaps you could try going for the hard sale. For example, instead of saying that Takeshi sits oddly or eats sweets all the time, you could say he 'has a liberal approach to the constraints of the physical norm' and 'doesn't feel the need to abide by our diet-obsessed societal structure'… Or," he added, noting the extreme perplexity on Misa's face, "you could just say he was shy and sweet. For example."

"Wow!" said Misa. "That makes him sound much cuter! But what do I say if they ask what he looks like?"

"Just say he sets his own style. He likes to keep things simple and rugged," he smirked. "And most importantly, mention that you could lose yourself in his big, dark eyes."

She visibly shivered. "How can you make something so weird and wrong sound so nice?"

"It's a knack I have."

"Well, Misa will try hard to be as good as Light. Next number, please!"

Light read out the number, and relaxed a little as the phone conversation began. She finally seemed to be learning.

--

"Next number, please," said Misa, her thumb poised above the mobile phone keypad, a slightly fatigued look in her eyes. She had been talking for about three hours solid now, and whilst this was nothing out of the ordinary, the application of Light's helpful pointers truly taxed her brain. Still, she wasn't about to give up on something that would make Light happy… especially with so much at stake.

He shook his head, and closed the address book.

"What? Are we finished?" she asked hopefully.

"We're finished. You did very well, Misa."

"So I've phoned everyone in my book now?" she mused. "Hey! Does that mean we can do something fun now?"

Light folded his arms. "… Hmm… Well, I suppose we can for a little while. But ideally I'd like to continue working on our project afterwards. It would be better for us both if we got it over with as soon as possible – wouldn't you agree?"

Misa frowned, then smiled, then frowned again as yet another subconscious battle began inside her mind: the decision between having a lot of pleasure _now_ or moderating herself so she could have even more fun later… Eventually she replied, "Yeah. Misa and Light need a little rest to do something fun now, but we can come back to this to try and get L some more attention later."

"I really appreciate your enthusiasm for helping me out – after all, we've already managed to find," he paused for a moment, "seventeen prospective partners for him. It's all down to your dedication – you must really care about me and what I want."

"I do! I really do! Misa really _really_ cares for Light! Misa would do _anything_ for Light!"

"And I would do anything for you, Misa," he smiled, and placed a hand on her shoulder. "How about I take you out for a nice romantic lunch, just to show my appreciation for all your hard work?"

Misa said something, but nothing coherent. It sounded like a cross between a creaky floorboard and a whistle, as she appeared to inhale and exhale at the same time. The only way in which anyone could possibly hope to accurately describe it would be to say that she was speaking in love hearts.

"I thought you'd like that," Light moved closer to her, now wrapping his entire arm around her shoulders and hugging her tightly to him. "Come on – we'd better get changed into something a little more appropriate. I want to make sure you're as happy as you can be: perhaps I could even let you _help_ me get changed…"

The amount of heat emanating from Misa now could be comparable to a blast furnace. If she was still breathing, she was very good at hiding it.

Light just smiled to himself.

--

The restaurant was unusually quiet, especially considering that it was midday. Only a few tables were actually occupied – mainly by high-flying business types and the odd upper class dining party.

In the very centre of the room, two 'lovers' were seated, gazing 'longingly' into one another's eyes.

Light absent-mindedly pushed a stray vegetable across his plate. From the look in her eyes, Misa was definitely heading in the direction he had assumed she would. If he just kept applying the same methods he had been doing, she would crack before long: either she'd be reduced to a smear through the sheer effort of keeping up with his constant demands, or become completely engulfed in her own hormones.

It was almost a waste. Despite all her irritating faults, she was proving to be a very good and obedient pawn – if you knew the trick to make her work correctly. And better yet, if you dangled the right bait in front of her she didn't even mind being used…

Still. He would soon be rid of her, and all of _this_: working constantly just to keep her happy, having to take her out to expensive, romantic restaurants in the middle of the day… and Order WOULD be restored.

"Light…"

"What is it, Misa sweety?"

Misa flushed crimson and giggled. "Um… I just wanted to know what you were thinking of. You're looking even more serious than usual!"

"Oh… Well, what I was thinking about really does require serious thought, so I suppose that makes sense…"

"Ooh! What is it?" she leaned forward excitedly, then hesitated. "… It's not something _really_ serious, like boring things, like schoolwork or something like that, is it? If it is then Misa doesn't really mind if you don't tell her."

"… No. I was thinking about… our relationship." He adopted a suitably earnest expression, and continued. "About where it's going, how I feel about you and… most importantly, I was thinking about our commitments to one another."

"Commitments?"

"Yes, our promises. I just wanted to know whether we were both on the same footing… I want this to be an equal relationship between the two of us, and to do that we both have to respect one another's feelings and opinions. Right?"

"Light must really care about Misa to say that! That's so _cute_!!" she leaned further over the table and kissed him. "Light is so thoughtful and wonderful… Misa is so happy just to be near you…"

"But… if your only wish is to be with me all the time, what happens if I need some space? If the only thing that makes you happy is being by my side, and there comes a time where I can only be happy if I'm left alone… what would happen then?"

Misa suddenly seemed to be hit with the potential gravity of the situation. "… Oh no! I don't know… I don't know _what_ I would do! Oh no!"

Light clasped his hands together, and kept his eyes firmly fixed on hers. "Let me put it this way. More than anything else, I want you to be happy. But in order to make sure you are, I need to know what makes you happy. So, if I wanted to be alone and would be unhappy if I wasn't, what would be more important to you: would you want to stay with me even though it meant I would be upset, or would you care about my feelings above your own and leave me be?"

"… To Misa, Light is more important than the world… If Light wasn't happy, Misa could never be happy. So," she looked pained as she prepared her next words, "… Misa would make sure Light was happy. Misa would leave Light alone so he could be happy again…"

_Perfect_.

"That's so considerate of you. I'm so lucky to have such a kind, caring girlfriend," he said, smiling softly.

"Thank you…" she said. "… but you don't need to be alone now, do you?"

"No, Misa, I don't."

"… And if you did, and I went away, when you were happy again I could come back, right?"

"Yes, Misa."

Misa smiled. "I'm so happy…"

"I'm sorry if I've upset you – let's just enjoy our meal for now," he said. "We have all afternoon to be serious about getting L a partner."

--

**Author's Note:** _Back on track with chapter length. Also, back on track with plot progression – this seems to be steaming along quite nicely._

_A note to readers who haven't read the manga – the part where Misa is 'speaking in love hearts' is an indication towards a frame where Misa's speech bubble has no words in it – just love hearts. I tried to work out what that would sound like, completely for the purpose of referencing it here…_

_In my opinion, Light is getting a little creepy now. It doesn't seem to even be about getting revenge any more…_

_By the way, I'm still interested – perhaps even moreso than before – to know what people think is going to happen. If you think you have an inkling (especially about what L's plan might be (as I'm personally revelling in anticipation of writing that!!)), don't hesitate to share it._

_Once again, thanks to everyone who reviews and/or reads this fic. I always wait in fear to see whether I've offended people or not, but thankfully I don't seem to have done so yet. I sincerely hope I don't in the future…_

_Stay tuned._


	22. Chapter 19: Network

_Not going to waste time on this one._

_DISCLAIMER: Death Note hasn't, isn't, and will never be mine. Ever._

--

**Chapter Nineteen: Network**

Meanwhile…

"Watari."

L chewed his thumb, staring with vague interest at the computer screen in front of him.

Sighing, Watari plodded back into the room. "I was making smores, you know. You are interrupting the creation of smores."

"I imagine we will both get over it."

"… What is it that you wanted, L?" the old man said, adjusting his amusingly patterned apron.

"I would like you to relax. I would like you to clear your mind of every conscious thought. Then, when you have done this, I'd like you," L twisted his thumb around, still slowly sucking as he did so, "… to pick a number."

There was a short pause.

"… You want me to pick a number," Watari said, flatly.

"Yes, Watari. Please pick a number."

"… Is there any reason you want me to do that?" he asked. "And is there any particular limitations you'd like me to uphold: a number from one to ten, for example, or one to one hundred?"

The detective tore his relentless gaze from the monitor, and turned to face him. "I did put some thought into my actions, Watari. Of course there is a reason behind this… but all will come in good time. First, you have to choose a number. Any number in the world, excepting zero, infinity, minus numbers, fractions, anything that involves a decimal point, algebraic symbols and those numbers which don't exist."

Deciding not to labour the discussion for longer than necessary (the mixture in the other room was in need of some urgent attention), he answered.

"Three thousand, four hundred and seventy six."

"Thank you, Watari," L swivelled back to his computer. "You may return to your smores now."

A little bemused, Watari left the room.

L tapped lightly on the keyboard, and scrolled down the long list in front of him. Three thousand four hundred and seventy six… About half way down the page. The M section.

_That should do nicely_, he thought.

He smiled.

--

He smiled. "Good work, Misa. If we continue working at this speed, L should be meeting the love of his life within the week."

"I hope so. That would be really good," said Misa, her train of thought far from L's love life. "How many pros… prospec… prospector girlfriends have we got for him now?"

"Twenty up to now, if we include that waitress and the two girls we saw on our way home," Light wrapped his arm around her. "And we only started looking this morning. You've been so helpful."

"Thank you! Misa has been trying hard to help Light and his… friend."

"… Do you think it would be possible, then, for us to start work on the dating network sites?" he asked, a hopeful tone in his voice. "After all, seeing as you're _so_ very good at convincing all these girls into wanting to go out with someone as _weird_ as L, I bet you could pretend to be him easily. You have brilliant skills as an actress, and the fact that you'd only have to type out messages would make it even simpler."

Keeping her eye on the prize, Misa replied with a determined, "Yeah!" and clenched her fists tightly. "Misa can do it!"

"That's the fighting spirit I like to see in a woman," he commented, his smile broadening.

Misa stared in awe at him for a few moments, then – with an almost impossible amount of effort – restrained herself from bouncing off the walls. Instead, she clenched her fists even tighter and furrowed her eyebrows. "Yeah! Misa is going to help Light!" she exclaimed, adjusting her expression in an attempt to look as determined as possible. "Misa is going to fight and win the girl! … for L, I mean!"

Light was impressed. He didn't even have to outright tell her any more – perhaps he was making a breakthrough here. Maybe, eventually, she would be able to grasp the concept of reading other people's emotions correctly… though that was probably pushing it a little. He shook himself, and began work.

He lifted himself from the edge of his bed, walked across the room and turned his computer on. Moving a pair of comfortable office chairs into position, he invited Misa to sit down first – like the gentleman he was.

And, once they were seated, they began.

--

_Name: Takeshi Shiratai_

_Location: Kanto region, Tokyo, Japan_

_Build: Slim_

_Hair Colour: Black_

_Eye Colour: Dark blue_

_Star Sign: Scorpio_

_Occupation: Freelance private investigator_

_Likes: Reading, watching films, nights in, romantic dinners, sports_

_Perfect Match: A fun-loving, bubbly lady with lots of character. Someone to bring me out of my shell, and aid me into larger social circles. Preferably dedicated to their cause and with GSOH. Young and good looking a must._

Light paused for a moment. "Why did you say 'good looking a must', Misa?"

"I don't want to have to talk to _ugly_ people!" she said, looking genuinely disgusted. "Eww!"

He didn't argue. This way, they would be all the more likely to receive messages from conceited people who _thought_ that they were good looking – exactly the kind of deluded, annoying trait he was looking for in a partner for L. "That sounds… plausible," he said. "So now all we have to do is search the website for any potential matches."

"Okay! Misa is on it!" Misa's hand guided the mouse clumsily around the screen and clicked vaguely in the right direction.

The hunt was on. And, if the site header was to be believed, there were millions of people to choose from… all of them desperate and, Light surmised with a smirk, over half of them stupid enough to fall for 'Takeshi'. A whole pantheon of idiocy.

As Misa sent a 'friendly' message to the first of many victims, he could only try to contain his excitement. He could finally see his plan in action and - better yet…

HE KNEW HOW TO GET RID OF HER.

After the torturous few days he had been forced to endure… After the hours that had stretched into what felt like weeks… After all the pain and humiliation she and L had caused him… The end was in sight. All he needed to do now… was to reach out and grasp it.

--

Elsewhere, a phone was ringing.

A figure, sitting alone, cast a disapproving glance at it. Who would be calling at this hour in the morning? Reluctantly, the figure reached out, picked up the phone, and answered it.

"Hello?"

Through the receiver, a familiar crackling noise met their ear. As the white noise faded to a dull whisper, a distorted voice began to speak.

"This is L."

"I guessed as much. So what are you calling me for?"

"I need some outside help on a project I'm working on," L said.

The figure's nose wrinkled. "The kidnappings?"

"No. Not the kidnappings," L replied. "I have no reason to involve anyone else in my current case."

"What, then?"

There was a pause.

"I was wondering… Would you be interested in taking a vacation?"

Another pause.

"Look. What the hell are you talking about?"

"I need you to come to Japan as soon as possible. Preferably within the next twelve hours. You will need to find suitable accommodation within or around the Kanto region of Tokyo. Do not bring anything with you that will make you seem suspicious: especially no weaponry. The only item I require you to have is a laptop or PDA connected to the internet."

The figure shrugged.

"Really, what is this about?"

"Watari is sending an email to you as we speak. The documents attached to this email will give you all the necessary information you will need to carry out your mission within this project."

Here, the phone call ended.

The figure sighed, and started packing for the trip to Japan.

--

**Author's Note:** _Ooh. Ominous. Terribly, terribly, terribly short... but ominous._

_Who is this mysterious figure? What is L's plan? And, on a similar note, how is Light expecting to get rid of Misa?_

_This is generally a part of a narrative I never manage to get to. I always chicken out before anything really mysterious starts… and though this story is inherently silly, I'm getting pretty excited about writing the next few chapters._

_Okay, so maybe this one is only a thousand and a bit words long, and has somehow taken me five days to write, but I think I'm generally happy with it. This chapter is intended to be more of a 'process' than anything else..._

_Thanks to all the readers out there who are reading this. I can only ask that you continue to read for as long as this story is keeping you entertained… Any comments or reviews are, as ever, appreciated._

_Stay tuned._


	23. Chapter 20: Discovery

_Okay. This is where everything starts getting a little messy, people. The big build up is beginning. Within the next few chapters, I promise you that the mysterious figure's identity will be revealed, as will L's cunning plan…_

_Trust me._

_… But let's not get bogged down with these sorts of things. I can't just go around missing out important plot elements, just because I want to hurry things along. This means that, unfortunately, there's even more of this story to read._

_Chapter TWENTY. That means I've written quite a bit…_

_DISCLAIMER: Death Note. Whose? Not mine, that's for sure._

--

**Chapter Twenty: Discovery**

"What a pain…" the figure tapped a few keys on their PDA, and watched with disinterest as the shiny corporate logos flashed on and off the loading screen.

Eventually, after what seemed like an age, it was ready for use.

1 new email. L didn't wait around.

The figure opened it, and read the contents of the attached file. Once they had finished, they shrugged, which was not the kind of response most would have if confronted with the information L had sent.

It was a break from the regular drag of work, at least.

--

"Wow! I still can't believe you're taking me on another romantic dinner date!! Twice in one day – wow!" Misa squealed, grasping onto Light's arm and momentarily cutting off the circulation. "When we get married, can we do this _every_ day?"

"Maybe," Light replied jovially, "but if we did that, we might end up getting bored of it. And we wouldn't want that, would we?"

"Oh, Misa could _never_ get bored spending time with Light!!" she beamed. A few moments later, however, when her brain had caught up with her mouth, she added, "but maybe we could take it down to just _one_ romantic dinner date a day, if Light was getting a bit bored…"

"Well, with you as company, it might take quite a long time for that to happen," he said, and endured another bone-crunching embrace.

It was getting tiring already, if he were to be honest. But he had to persevere. If churning out blatantly over-romanticised remarks was what Misa wanted from him, it was what she was going to get… not to mention more dates than she ever dared dream of. Sure, two dates in the space of twenty four hours might seem a little excessive by normal standards, but…

Their taxi arrived at the restaurant. In contrast to their earlier meal, Light had decided to find a more sociable place to eat this evening: in fact, he had managed to secure a table at somewhere rather extravagant. They entered and were shown to their table.

A few moments after they had perused the menu, Misa spoke again. "I'm so excited, Light! You know, I think I'm really starting to understand how much you love me! Maybe today will be the beginning of a new chapter for Misa and Light… What do you think?"

"Definitely," he smiled darkly. "I can feel our relationship blossoming into something truly beautiful."

Master and servant. God and worshipper. Something along those lines.

"So, have you enjoyed today, sweety?" he added.

"Sweety!! Yay!" Misa giggled. "Well, of COURSE I've enjoyed today! I've been on SO many dates with Light!! How couldn't I be happy?"

"My thoughts exactly."

She opened her mouth to reply, but instead of her own voice coming out, another gratingly high-pitched squeak pierced the air.

"Aaaah!! Miiiisa-chaaan!!"

Suddenly, without any prior warning, a young woman and a large, suit-wearing man seemed to materialise next to their table.

"Miiiisa-chaaan!! I didn't think I'd meet you heeeere!! I haven't seen you in aaaaaages!!" the girl erupted. "I mean, I know I ooonnnnly talked to you this moooorning, but… this is just tooooo amaaaaazing!! You haaaave to introduce me to your sssseexxxy guy friend, Miiiisa-chaaan!!"

"… Oh. Umm, hello, Ame-chan," Misa replied in an unfamiliarly stoic tone. "This is Light, and he's my boyfriend. We're on a date!"

"Oooooh, I wish _I_ was on a date, but I've just come to talk to some booooring people about some job they want meee to do!!"

"I guessed it was something like that, seeing as you have your manager with you, Ame-chan. Hello manager-san." Misa almost appeared to be as irritated by Ame-chan as Light was, which astounded him somewhat; though he supposed he could put the animosity down to their date being disturbed.

"… So. So. Sooooo," Ame-chan continued, her impossibly cutesy voice rattling the glasses on the table. "Talking about going on a daaate reminds me!! You phoned me about this guuuyyyy, riiight?! This haaaawwwwt guuuuyyyyyy?! Can you tell me a little more about him?! Pleeease?! It's just, it's just, it's just this Takessshhhi guy you were talking about sounds sooooo haaaawwwwt!!"

Misa frowned. "Umm… Okay… but – "

Light tensed a little.

" – but Light knows him a bit better than I do."

"Oooooooooooh!! Two haaaawwwwt guys are frieeeennnnds?! Imagine what we could dooooo with them, Miiiisa-chaaan!! But, but anyway… can yooouuuu tell me a little about your friend then, Liiiiigghht-kuuuuuun?!"

"… There really isn't much to tell, if I'm being honest, Ame-ch…" Light glanced at Misa. "… if I'm being honest, Ame-san. Misa already told you most of it – you'd probably have to talk to him in person to find out any more."

"Meet him in perrrrrsson?! Ohhhh, I can't waaaiit!! Hey, if we meet up with yooouuu two after your daaaate, could we alllll go and see him toniiiight?!" Ame-chan bobbed up and down on her heels in desperation. "That would be sooooo coooooool!!"

He shook his head. "I… doubt that would be a good idea. After all, he is rather shy. As Misa mentioned over the phone, it'd be best if you waited a few days until we contact you again."

"Yeah," Misa nodded. "Light's right, _as usual_! Maybe Ame-chan _should_ wait a while."

"Oh. Ooookaaaaayy!! But don't make me wait tooooo long, alright?! I wanna meeeet this huuuunnnnk!!"

Light had to stop himself from snorting in laughter. L? a _hunk_? Obviously his and Misa's description of him over the phone was better than he'd thought.

"Welllll… anyway, I'd better get moooooving!! I've got a job to land!! See you two loooooovebirds later!!" Ame-chan chirped, and waved animatedly as she and her manager made a few steps from the table.

"Bye, Ame-chan," said Misa, waving half-heartedly in her direction.

jingle jingle

...

The world seemed to stop.

Ame-chan's manager's eyes glimmered as he caught sight of Misa's wrist.

"What's that you're wearing, Misa-san?" he said. "It looks… like a set of handcuffs."

"Huh?" she said, looking at her raised hand in puzzlement. "… Oh. Oh, yeah. Misa and Light are chained together. We want to prove how much we love one another."

The manager cracked a smile. "I see. Ame-chan, would you mind staying with your friend for just a moment? There's something I need to do urgently."

"Oh!! Okay, I'll wait here, manager-san!!"

He left the restaurant.

Light braced himself for the inevitable.

…

Sure enough, moments later the whole room seemed to be crawling in flashes of cameras and the mindless yammering of rabid reporters. The paparazzi had arrived.

--

In the end, they hadn't been able to have a meal. The evening had been spent being jostled from one reporter to another, answering banal questions and posing for every photographer they passed.

As unbearably hungry and harassed that he was, Light couldn't help but sigh with relief. At least now he was home, with only Misa to keep him company. Considering the people he had encountered this evening, this was a welcome change: she was the cleverest, friendliest person in the restaurant… other than himself.

She was also going to be plastered on the front of every tabloid newspaper in Japan by tomorrow morning… and he could scarcely even begin to imagine what would happen when Narita-san's photo shoot was published…

For the moment, he didn't care. He was exhausted after the strain of the day, and all he wanted to do now was curl up and go to sleep. He asked Misa if she felt the same…

… and surprisingly…

"Actually, Light, I want to do something before we go to bed. I want to check whether L has had any interest on his dating site… thingy."

He had to admire her dedication. When she wanted something, she wasn't one to give up on it easily: much like himself, in certain respects. Even he hadn't been aware how much she would do just to have sex with him. Not wanting to miss out on this show of obedience, he allowed her to check.

6 messages. For a profile that had been posted only hours before, this was quite impressive.

Light was most interested in the fourth message, sent by a member who called themselves 'kittycute27162'. It read:

_Hello takeshi u r rly cul can i mary u i thnik ur hot n cyut ur profl is AMZAING1_

… and, after checking out her profile and finding that she was an underwear model, it sealed the deal. Despite the difficulties, their work over the past twenty four hours had been worth it. With candidates like Ame-chan and kittycute27162, the bar was set for how stupid L's girlfriend would be.

"Misa."

She turned to face him. "What is it, Light?"

"Thank you for all your hard work today. You've been brilliant so far, and I know that now, it will only be a matter of days before we find a girlfriend for L." he smiled, and placed a hand on her shoulder, feeling an involuntary shiver run through her as he did so. "With just a little more work, we will be finished… and then, who knows? Perhaps, even as early as next week, this will be over… and I'll be able to show you my… _true_… appreciation for your efforts."

"Oh… Light…" she murmured softly.

_However, Misa, I'm not planning to keep you here until then. In only a few short days, both you and L will be out of my way..._

--

**Author's Note:** _Stop it, Light. You're scaring the hell out of me._

_Sorry to say that I haven't included too much about the identity of the mysterious figure in this one; suffice to say that the events covered above were (in my mind) more important to establish at the moment. More mysteriousness to be coming in the next chapter, so hold onto your hats. If you wear a hat._

_Again, took me a while to write this one, but I assure you that next time I post something it'll be a veritable uploading bonanza._

_Thanks to readers, reviewers, and people who have hit the little 'favourite' or 'alert' buttons for this story. It's just nice to know that someone likes this enough to get past the first, admittedly rather dodgy chapter. If you'd like to profess how much or how little you like A.I., feel free to review or leave some kind of comment._

_Stay tuned._


	24. Chapter 21: Stupidity

_A.I – Alternate Incarceration has reached 21. Now legally able to do almost everything, except for old age pensioner-type stuff, and some other things…_

_I really should research these things. Though, then again, researching something just because I've written twenty one chapters on one fic is kind of a stupid thing to do._

_I'll just get on with writing, then._

_DISCLAIMER: That thing, with the Shinigami and the kid with the creepy notebook in… no, you're looking at the wrong guy. I don't own that._

_EDIT: 22nd Oct: A little problem with the times. It's supposed to be 11.50 in the morning, not the evening. Sorry if this mistake or update has caused any inconvenience._

--

**Chapter Twenty One: Stupidity**

"How was your flight?"

"The usual."

"You haven't brought any weapons with you?"

"Not a one."

"And otherwise, have you done as I requested?" L asked inquisitively.

"To the word. Light Yagami and Misa Amane now believe that I'm an underwear model who calls herself kittycute27162."

"Interesting choice of name…"

"I thought so too."

The line was silent for a few seconds.

"So, what is this all about?" asked the figure. "What have you got against this Yagami guy anyway?"

"I have nothing _against_ him. In fact, in some small ways I am trying to help him. After all, he _is_ trying to find me a girlfriend. I'm just providing him with an extra option."

"What you mean is, you're making him believe that I'm some sort of air-headed bimbo so you won't really have to go out with anyone."

"More or less," said L. "I prefer my own interpretation, though."

"Couldn't you just go out and find an actual girlfriend instead? Wouldn't that be easier than having to draft me into the country and going through all the trouble of devising this plan?"

L didn't answer. It was probably better that way.

--

All they had to do was keep up the air of stupidity long enough for Light and Misa to take the bait. Just make them believe that kittycute27162 really _was _out there, and had an unreasonable obsession with one 'Takeshi Shiratai'. It was relatively simple, if you thought about it like that.

In practice, however, it was much more difficult than they had first imagined.

The terrible spelling didn't come naturally. L's brief stated that they were dealing with a very perceptive young man, who would probably be able to see the difference between someone who was genuinely bad at writing, and someone who was just pretending for a joke. It was hard work, having to 'forget' every rule of punctuation and grammar they had ever learned. They were even beginning to fear that their mind was going to dry up and die for good by the end of this ordeal.

As well as this, they had to moderate their approach. Every message they sent would have to be as forward and manic as humanly possible, but without coming across as being intentionally so. How could people who really were this stupid manage to keep track of these things? The more they thought about it, the more it became clear that a dumb person was infinitely more complicated than a clever one.

--

"Hmm… I don't know…" Misa frowned as she looked down at herself. "Light, do you think this skirt matches my earrings? I can't go around wearing things that don't match…"

Light rolled his eyes. Only a few days ago, he had been told in no uncertain terms that 'A man can't choose a woman's clothing' – not even someone as fashion-conscious as himself… and yet surprisingly, after taking her on two dates yesterday, she had changed her opinion. Now that he was considering the possibilities of developing their relationship further, he had suddenly developed a sense of style and colour co-ordination.

"I think you look perfect, Misa," he said, his voice the epitome of smarminess.

"Thank you, Light! You look perfect to Misa too!"

Light sighed. "… I'm still wearing my pyjamas, Misa."

"I know!!"

He really should have been expecting that one. "… I don't know why you're worried about how you look this morning. I was planning on staying at home – you have to admit, yesterday _was_ a little hectic."

"Well, it doesn't really matter if we're going outside or not," she said. "Misa just wants to look her best for Light."

"Hmm… anyway, if you don't mind, Misa, could we check whether L has received any more interest on the dating site before we do anything else?" Light asked, donning a hopeful smile. As if she had a choice.

Minutes later, they were sitting in front of the computer. Misa practically purred in delight as she watched him rather than the screen, and snuggled closely to him. It took the computer an almost unnatural amount of time to load, or so it appeared to Light.

Finally, when the whirring and buzzing of the electronics had dulled to a whisper, he clicked to access the internet.

After an abnormally long space of time (what was wrong with his computer this morning?), his homepage finally popped up.

Being the kind of young man that he was, Light Yagami had put a lot of thought into his choice of homepage. He had chosen a webpage that was both practical, and was unlikely to give any other people who happened to be with him any negative impression. He had chosen a webpage which could provide him with up-to-date global news and general information. That is to say, he had chosen not to change his home page from the default.

He would, therefore, usually find himself greeted by images of politicians, or film stars, or sports celebrities when he accessed the internet.

Today, however, the faces that looked out from the screen were far more familiar to him.

_Idol Misa-Misa chained to Mystery Boy_, read the headline.

"Wow!" Misa clapped her hands as she saw the screen. "Misa and Light are famous together! I bet I'll get a call from my manager soon! Misa is so famous now – isn't that great, Light?"

Light grimaced at the photograph. They hadn't even captured his best side.

"Ooh, can we read the full story, pleeease?" she squeaked, hugging his arm tightly and reminding him – disturbingly – of the encounter with Ame-chan they had had last night. Begrudgingly, he clicked on the link.

The story was, as most gossip stories are, completely meaningless. The reporter was far too interested in speculating upon the mechanics of being handcuffed to another person, and the possible implications of the matter to say anything worth reading. Despite this, Misa was still e#nthralled.

"Oh, and now let's check if we're anywhere else! I want to know how famous we are!"

Light narrowed his eyes a little, but still obliged. He typed 'Misa-Misa' into a search engine, and waited.

…

Even Misa went quiet.

News sites. Gossip sites. Fansites. All frothing with rumours and studded with photos. There were even videos, which neither of them could remember being made, but had been regardless.

Literally thousands of entries. It seemed as though the whole of Japan – maybe the world! – had latched onto them.

Contrived as it was, they had become celebrities overnight.

Light stared stupidly at the screen, his mouth agape; Misa likewise, though with just a hint of a smile on her lips.

Eventually… _eventually_, he regained some of his composure. "Erm," he said. "Let's… just… check the dating site, shall we?" With his somewhat shaky hand guiding the mouse, the page disappeared and was replaced with L's profile. He sighed in relief, and logged in.

"Twelve more messages for L," Misa pointed at the screen. "He's pretty popular now, isn't he?"

"… Not as popular as _we_ seem to be," Light mumbled. He opened the first message: another abomination from kittycute27162.

_Hello takeshi u r sondin sexcsi frm ur profl pls pls ples get n tuch lv kitycute271_

Poor girl. She couldn't even spell her own screen name correctly. He shrugged, and opened the next one, which was from…

…kittycute27162.

Sent about three minutes after the first.

_Hello takeshi i frogot 2 tel u tha u sond cyut 2 did i say tha b4 i dnt no pls get n tuch1_

… Well, regardless. The third message was from…

Light shook his head in disbelief. Another one.

…

They couldn't _all_ be from…

Could they?

He made a quick check.

…

They were. They WERE.

THEY WERE.

Twelve messages, all from one illiterate underwear model who seemed bent on stalking the world's greatest detective. All sent within the space of thirty five minutes. Had he not still been dazed by his new-found fame, he might have considered falling off his chair in shock.

Instead, he settled on grinning dimly at the monitor.

How stupid _was_ this woman?

Hurriedly, he began typing out a reply. They had to contact her – she was perfect. A challenge for Ame-chan.

_Hello kittycute27162, _he wrote. _I have been reading your kind, intelligent, wonderful messages, and I must say that I am enamoured towards you. You sound so, so beautiful and I would very much like to meet you in person. However, I am a very shy person, and I do not go out very often. Because of this, I would like you to meet two of my friends, so they can mediate between us until I feel I can bring myself to meet you in person._

_If you are interested, and are free to do so, you can meet my friends at the Note Blue club in Aoyama at 11.50.a.m on June 12__th__. However, I would still like to keep in contact with you via this site until then regardless. With love, Takeshi._

He slapped the send button, and folded his arms in triumph. "It looks as though we might have found a girlfriend for L, doesn't it, Misa?"

"Yeah, I su…"

Misa stopped, and pointed at the screen.

"New message."

Almost unsurprisingly, the name kittycute27162 popped up once again. It appeared that the girl had nothing better to do.

_Hello takeshi omg u repld i am so hapy i luv u i luv u i wud lyk to m8 wt u on jun 12 bt how wl i no ur frnds lv kittycute27162_

Light flexed his fingers.

_Oh. Hello there kittycute27162. I didn't expect a reply quite so soon, but I'm very happy to see that you are so eager to talk to me._ He paused for a moment, then continued, smirking, _You will be able to recognise my friends quite easily by the handcuffs they will be wearing… but the main problem we are facing is how they will be able to recognise you. After all, you are the most important person in this situation._

_Please could you tell me your name, or anything about yourself that we could use to identify you? I would appreciate it SO much. With love, Takeshi._

Send.

"I'm starting to get a little jealous, Light. You're saying 'I love you' to this girl more than you're saying it to me this morning," Misa pouted.

"Oh Misa, you know I'm pretending to be L. And anyway, I would never mean to…"

Misa pointed at the screen again.

"New message."

_Hello takeshi1 omg u rpeld agen ths iz so hot i luv u moar now r u rly frend wt msia misa tha is so hot 2 i wilt el u my name it is delilah i am not frm japan i am frm owt of japan so u wil no me coz i am not japnes an i am delilah get in tuch sono lv kittycute27162 or delilah ;0_

"So her name is Delilah?" asked Misa.

"It would appear so," he sneered. "I'll just send one last reply, and then we can do something a little more pl…"

"Nope. Light has sent Delilah too much love. Misa is a little jealous. If we have to send something back, Misa is going to send it." With that, she leaned over and tapped hurriedly on the keyboard.

_Thank you very much Delilah. We will see you very soon. Takeshi loves you a lot, love Takeshi._

Unfortunately, she then sent the message.

But of course, Light mused, Delilah didn't seem to be the type of person who would notice the 'subtle' differences between Misa's writing and his own. She was far too stupid for that.

--

Elsewhere, the figure smiled. They sent another message, though they doubted they would be receiving a reply any time soon.

Everything was working out just as L had said.

--

**Author's Note:** _Okay, not the greatest chapter I've ever written, and I get the feeling that my air of mystery is quickly dispersing, but I've written it – and that's that._

_Considering that I've written it over a period of twenty-four hours, along with TWO other things (admittedly they aren't very long, but there you go), I don't think it's TOO bad. And I'm still on topic, which is comforting to note._

_Next chapter will be the final unveiling of the mysterious figure's true identity. But that might be a while (I need to recover from writing this…). So in the meantime, I've left some more reviews for you to read._

_I like writing reviews :D_

_Thank you, readers, for putting up with this kind of writing quality from me. I only hope, for everyone's sake, that I can improve my abilities for next update._

Don't touch that dial – reviews coming up after this short commercial break.


	25. BONUS: Near Review

_The first of a review double act. Okay, it's a little tenuous, but I'm willing to overlook that: I hope you all are…_

_DISCLAIMER: Death Not mine. I mean, Death Note mine. I mean Death Note's not mine._

--

**:BONUS 4:**

**NATE RIVER REVIEW**

**A.I – Alternate Incarceration**

**(Chapters 18-21)**

This is Near.

While reading A.I., I noticed that there were various entries made by the characters of Death Note, in the form of reviews. I have no clue as to whether any of these 'reviews' have actually been sent by L, Light Yagami and Misa Amane… but I thought, as it was an interesting idea, that I would send in my own. I understand that you may or may not wish to publish this publicly, as I have no real involvement in the story, but that doesn't concern me. I don't particularly care about the overall outcome of this.

A.I. – Alternate Incarceration is an interesting idea. It's clear from what has been posted that you're a capable writer, and also that you have put at least a marginal amount of thought into what you have written (which is refreshing to note). However, to elaborate on a point "L" made in his review, the fact that this is the product of already existing concepts in the Death Note story is a little disappointing. You haven't exactly been original with this story.

This also counts for your other stories too, where you fall between childish parody and banal accounts of events not quite covered in the canon narrative.

Another flaw I have noticed is your inability to create mystery. Though I can see you have put effort into it, I had worked out L's plan and who the "mysterious" figure was by chapter 12. You will either have to try harder next time, or give up on suspense altogether.

Other than these factors, it isn't a _terrible_ piece of fan fiction. I may even consider reading on, if you continue to update. I won't be marking it as a favourite story, though, or signing up for an alert.

It isn't _that_ good.

--

**Author's Note:** _Gosh. That was brief._

_Then again, Near isn't one to mince his words. He didn't even ask any questions, which must be some kind of record…_

_…_

_This was surprisingly easy to write. I have no clue as to whether I've got Near with the tone I would have liked, but I was going for the 'stoic pessimist' approach… I'm not entirely proud of my writing ability (or skillz) here, but I'm… satisfied._

_Don't touch that dial – part two of the review double feature is coming up RIGHT NOW!_


	26. BONUS: Mello Review

_Next up…_

_Well, it wouldn't take a child genius to work out who comes JUST after Near._

_DISCLAIMER: Death Note doesn't belong to me._

--

**:BONUS 4a:**

**MIHAEL KEEHL REVIEW**

**A.I – Alternate Incarceration**

**(Chapters 18-21)**

Even though I'm sending this at exactly the same time that Near is, and we're both on high-speed broadband connections, I bet this review is going to arrive in your inbox _just_ after his.

Bastard.

Anyway, I'm Mello. I'm not going to tell you any more than that, because you don't need to know. All I have to say is that I'm writing a review of your story (A.I., I mean), and you'd better post it.

Not to put too fine a point on the matter, it sucks. Sure, it isn't the worst fanfic I've ever had the misfortune of reading, but that doesn't mean it'd rank in my top 10.

It wouldn't even rank in my top 50.

Look, I know you're putting in some effort with this, and I know you've got a pretty decent grasp of grammar, but nobody cares. Nobody in the whole world wants to read a story about two Kiras being chained together and having a ker-razy adventure. If you haven't noticed, everybody's favourite character is L, and even though you've written him in, the fact of the matter is still that you're talking about Light and Misa going on dates all the time.

Who cares? I don't. Matt wouldn't if he could be bothered to read it. Nobody does.

Next time, couldn't you write about something better? Something that wasn't a stupid rom-com AU? You could write about the bio-terror case, or maybe even the Winchester Mad Bombings (though actually I've read a GOOD fic about the latter, so perhaps not that one). Really, you could write about _anything_ and probably come up with something better than this.

Okay. I admit that the story isn't terrible, and that really you're making a good job of a bad idea (I mean, it only took you EIGHTEEN chapters to include anything vaguely interesting, but never mind). It's just an inescapable fact that this is shit.

…

But, then again, it's not one of those 'Ask L/Near/Matt/B/MELLO' things. At least I won't have to hunt you down and kill you.

P.S. I hate the fact that the mystery character is me. Change it, now.

--

**Author's Note:** _Oh, thanks Mello. I'll answer some of your… questions, now:_

_1) Who cares? Well, on last count A.I. had 9 favourites and 11 alerts, so that can't exactly count as no one, can it? I am sorry that you and (potentially) Matt don't like it._

_2) I actually have a good idea for my next multi-chapter fic. It's quite good, in my opinion, though I guess that wouldn't mean all that much to you, would it, Mr. Keehl?_

_3) Why do you assume you're the mysterious figure? Is it just because of the 'M' section thing, the fact that L knows you, and the mention of weaponry? I'm not saying you're wrong, of course… I'm just saying you might not be right._

_For reference, there really is a Winchester Mad Bombings story out there. As endorsed by FFYP-det-Lawliet (I unfortunately haven't had a chance to read it yet), it's a fic written by A.Pseudonym. If YOU have the time to find it and read it, please do so._

_I hope Mello is as violently uncompromising as I intended him to be. This, much like Near's review, was pretty easy to write… but then again, it's not how easy it is, but how good it is that matters._

_Anyway… Stay tuned._


	27. Chapter 22: Interview

_The mystery of the mystery character will be revealed!_

_In just a few short moments, the secret will be unleashed!_

_It's not really that exciting, but anyway!_

_The mysterious figure is none other than…_

_DISCLAIMER: Death Note isn't mine, alright?_

--

**Chapter Twenty Two: Interview**

kittycute27162.

Otherwise known as Delilah Steen, an underwear model who came to live in Japan.

An alias, for the present moment, of one Mary Kenwood. Better known to the world as Wedy, the notorious thief and master of breaking and entering.

She smiled vaguely at the screen of her PDA, and sent another message to the unwitting Light Yagami, though she doubted he would reply again any time soon.

It was remarkable to think that everything was working out just as L had said. Of course she had faith in the detective's work – after all, he had managed to tail her down and blackmail her into working for him, which was no mean feat… but it was still unbelievable to see his deductions first-hand.

Yagami had fallen for the bait. Despite the fact that the boy was supposed to be a genius, it had been… almost easy to convince him. And now, he had even arranged a meeting.

She wasn't entirely comfortable with the idea of acting, but L had been obstinate on this one. Regardless of her own feelings, she would have to prepare herself for June 12th.

--

_Two days later…_

_June 12__th__, 2004. 10.37.a.m._

Light seamlessly moved his hands down Misa's back, rubbing his palms in a circular motion just underneath her shoulder blades. She whimpered softly in approval.

Over the past few days, he had learned a few interesting facts about himself – one of which happened to be that he was surprisingly good at giving massages. At least, Misa seemed to think he was good at giving massages.

He had to admit, this week had been vaguely enjoyable. Whilst every moment had been filled with embarrassment and frustration, and spending every living moment with Misa had paradoxically both ruined his public reputation and made him a household icon...

… It had been worthwhile, because…

He had surpassed himself. Each moment of agony he had suffered had made him stronger. He had proven not only that he was able to overcome Misa (a simple task) and outwit L (a little more difficult), but also that – in this game of life they all played – he _deserved_ to win. Who else could go through such hardship, and endure such pain?

There was no way he was going to deny fate by letting this Plan slip through he fingers. He was going to win, no matter what.

Hence the massages.

And the trip to the fair.

And the numerous, sickly-sweet stuffed toys that now littered his room.

They were all just part of the Plan. Part of the Plan, he had reminded himself so often over these past few days… All part of the Plan…

Much like today. Today, he and Misa would be meeting the… intriguing Delilah for the first time – and though they had amassed over fifty prospective partners for L, she was important. Other than Ame-chan (who had been pestering them relentlessly for more information on 'Takeshi'), Delilah was the only candidate with such a tentative grasp on reality (and grammar). The race, as it were, had many runners, but only two real competitors.

Absent-mindedly, he moved the position of his left hand and inched his fingertips forcefully down the length of Misa's spine. The resultant moan of pleasure was something he had grown immune to hearing – in fact, he would probably feel more uncomfortable if she didn't react that way.

He leaned over to her ear, and whispered softly, "Misa, darling… I think it's about time we start getting ready. We have to get to Note Blue in an hour."

"Mmm… but can't Light just do a _little_ more?" she mumbled hopefully.

Behind her, Light sneered. _Ungrateful, self-indulgent bitch_… "I'm _so_ sorry, sweety, but I can't. After all, we have a public engagement, and…"

"Engagement?!" Misa giggled, and struggled to turn over, despite the fact that Light was somewhat inhibiting her movement. "Do you mean…?"

"We're meeting someone in public, Misa. Much as I would _love_ to get engaged here and now, I'm still a little shy about developing our relationship in that way." He oozed. "Anyway, we've arranged to meet someone in public, and I wouldn't want your celebrity status to be marred by not keeping to your word."

"Aww… Light cares so much about Misa," she sighed as he rose and began passing her clothes to her. "Okay then, but you have to promise that you'll make up for this afterwards!!"

"Don't worry, Misa – I'm _more_ than happy to do _anything_ to please you."

--

Unsurprisingly, they arrived a little late. It had become glaringly apparent to Light, over the past few days, that baby-talk and kisses really ate into a schedule…

… As did being gawked at in the street. Since the fiasco in the restaurant, the gossip end of the media had exploded with 'sordid' 'true life' tales behind Misa-Misa and her mysterious 'love-slave boyfriend', as one tabloid newspaper had kindly put it. At first Light had been mortified by people coming up and asking if any of the rumours were true: whether he was fathering her child, or they were into S&M, or – amusingly – if he was a police detective; but much like every other horror he had been experiencing, he soon became numb to it. As their improbable popularity continued to soar, he had relaxed into the situation with unnatural ease.

He wasn't shocked, therefore, to find that their entrance into Note Blue was acknowledged with a clamour of hushed voices. Eyes began to bore into them from every angle. Including…

"Oh, hi!" called a woman, bounding up from her table and practically floating over to them. "You're those people, aren't you? That Misa-Misa and that guy, right? With the chain thing?"

Light took a quick glance – blonde, stereotypically attractive, wearing a pair of sunglasses inside, and in an outfit so ill-fitting that, to the more perverted mind, it was very well-fitting indeed… If this wasn't the underwear model they were looking for, she probably didn't exist. "Good to meet you – Delilah, isn't it?" he extended a hand, and smiled.

"Yeah, my name is Delilah," she said, completely ignoring his friendly gesture. "You're going to tell me more about my lovely Takeshi-chin, aren't you?"

Even Misa had to shudder at that one. He recovered quickly."… Yes, I suppose we are… but our main reason for meeting with you today, Delilah, is to find out more about you. We need to get to know as much as we can, so Takeshi can see whether you're right for him. Think of it as… something of an interview, I suppose."

"I'm pretty good at interviews!" the woman beamed, almost dazzling them with her perfectly white teeth as she did so. "All the guys who ever gave me a job said I made a really good impression."

"If you were wearing what you're wearing now, I imagine you would," Light smirked, as Misa glared disapprovingly.

"Well… well…" Misa put her arms firmly around him, "Misa's the one who's judging whether you're right for Takeshi, and Misa is going to be tough!"

"Does that mean you don't want me to go out with him?" Delilah pouted. "But Takeshi is my everything!"

Sensing the potential grounds for a catfight lingering in the air, Light placed a protective arm around Misa's shoulder. "What my girlfriend meant was that we have to judge things fairly. Though you seem like a very nice person, we can't just go on first impressions… So, should we find somewhere to sit so we can begin?"

"Oh! Yeah, I got a seat before you got here. It's over there," Delilah pointed to the vacant table she had come from only a few seconds before.

They sat, and began the interrogation.

"So, Delilah," Light began. "What would you say were your best qualities as a prospective partner for Takeshi? What do you think really makes you a step above the rest?"

The woman thought for a minute, obviously making a show of it by tapping her forefinger to her lips as she did so… or at least pretended to do so. "Umm… hey. Does that mean that there's more people that want to go out with him?"

Before he could answer, Misa blurted out the truth instead. "Yeah, he does have some people that want to go out with him. He's pretty popular, which is kind of weird… but I guess none of the people that like him have ever met him, so that makes sense…"

"…_Anyway_…" said Light, but was quickly interrupted.

"I have love rivals!? But Takeshi is _MINE_!!" Delilah practically screamed the last word, and stamped her foot firmly on the floor. "No one can take my Takeshi-chin away from me! I won't LET them!"

Again, shudders. "… _Anyway_, that isn't important now, Delilah. We should really just carry on with the…"

"He's MINE, you know. MY little snuggles. My little Takeshi-chin!! When I find out who wants to steal him away from me, I'll… I'll…"

Light sighed. "Look. Please don't blow this out of all proportion. You were a member of the dating service too, right? I trust you've had some other interest besides Takeshi…"

"No!" she replied, flailing her arms wildly. "Takeshi is the first one that ever gave me a reply to my message, and so I love him and he has to love me!"

"… But… but it's perfectly reasonable for someone to have more than one person they're considering going out with, right?"

Both Delilah and Misa gasped in horror. Suddenly the table was in uproar, as the two women began shouting about 'one true love' and clutching their hands to their chest in meaningful gesture.

Light began to wish he had never brought up the subject in the first place. This was certainly _not_ exactly as planned.

--

**Author's Note:** _So. There you have it. Mary Kenwood, a.k.a. Wedy. Probably nowhere near as exciting as anyone thought it might be. Still, I always thought it would be interesting to use her in something like this, as she's somewhat overlooked in the series…_

_This is the first chapter I've been wholly happy with for a while, but unfortunately it's taken me about a week to write it. What, am I turning into 'Regular Posting Man' or something? Something must be done about this… Then again, I suppose I've been finishing off my little Halloween project this week, so I suppose I might be excused this time…_

_If you would like to review, I'd be interested to know whether I managed to bamboozle anyone with the identity of the mystery character. This is purely for referential purposes – I'm not going to make fun of people if they got it wrong or anything… I just want to know how I did at writing it._

_Thanks to all readers, be they casual or avid, young or less young, approving or disapproving. Whoever you are, if you're reading this, I have reason to thank you for one reason or another._

_Stay tuned._


	28. Chapter 23: Test

_Okay. I'm feeling good about this one… After all, the last one was pretty good, if I may say so myself. At the very least I'm not embarrassed or depressed that I wrote it._

_Which should mean good things for Chapter 23, right?_

… _Let's hope so._

_I'll be crossing my fingers and toes… which might make it a little difficult to type this out, but I'll persevere._

_DISCLAIMER: I don't_ do _manga. I have never written an illustrated story that ever lasted more than four pages, and that was definitely never published. Hence, Death Note = not mine._

--

**Chapter Twenty Three: Test**

Calm had been restored to the table at Note Blue.

Light forced a smile to both of his female companions. "So," he said. "Shall we continue with the interview?"

"Yes," said Delilah, who was sipping casually on the drink he had just bought her.

"Yes," said Misa, who was sitting on his knee.

"Okay. And this time, we'll start _slowly_. Is that okay with you, Delilah?"

Delilah nodded, slowly.

Light sighed. "… Okay. Okay. So, what first attracted you to Takeshi?"

The woman stared blankly at him for a few moments, her mouth slightly agape. After a few moments, she said, "That's not how a dating site works. On a dating site, you check every day and send a message to everybody who is new. So, if there's something like… thirty new guys that have got on the site, you send thirty messages and see which ones get back to you. That's how I found my Takeshi-chin."

Light shuddered, and raised an eyebrow. This information was coming to him from a woman who was outraged that a man could consider going out with more than one person. "I… see," he said. "So what you're trying to say is, you believe it was destiny that drew you and Takeshi together?"

"No. I just sent him a message on the dating site."

"Hmm… So, now that we've established what first attracted you to him," he said, completely aware of the irony of these words, "I would like to know what you like most about him now that you've been able to get to know him a little better. I hear that you've been talking to him quite a lot lately."

"Oh yeah. Me and Takeshi have love-chats all the time!" Delilah beamed.

"Ooh. Misa and Light haven't had a good love-chat for _ages_, have we, Light?" said Misa, putting her arm around the back of his neck in a most uncomfortable fashion. "Still, I guess that's because we've been too busy trying to find a g…"

"_Love-chats_, eh? Yes, I think Misa and I really should have more of those. I feel that they really work to strengthen the bonds of a relationship. Now," Light adopted a teacher-like stern expression, "if you could please answer the question."

"What was the question?"

"…What do you like about Takeshi, now that you know him a little better?"

"But… I've never met him really." Delilah looked crestfallen, and looked over the top of her sunglasses hopefully. "Can I meet him soon?"

"You'll be one step closer to meeting him if you _answer the question_," he grinned, trying not to lose his temper with the idiotic woman.

"Really? Wow, so if I answer the question I'll be able to meet my lovely Takeshi? That's great! But… but I don't think I'm wearing the right things. Can I go and get changed somewhere before me and Takeshi go on our date?"

Light massaged his temples. "Just… answer the question, please."

"Umm…"

--

"So," Light gasped hoarsely, his fingertips pressed firmly on the table. "So. This is _almost_ over. The interview," he croaked, more to himself than for anyone else's benefit, "… is _almost_ over."

"Really?" From behind her sunglasses, Delilah looked at him, puzzled. "Wow, I thought it'd go on for way longer than this!"

"It's four o'clock in the afternoon. We've been sitting h… We've been _sitting here_ for FOUR hours…" he tried to look at her, but his eyes kept wandering out of boredom. "… f-fou… Four… hours…"

"Time's just flown by, hasn't it?" she smiled vacantly. "I've been having so much fun, talking about my Takeshi with my Takeshi's friends… You're so nice, I think you'll be my friends too! Today's been really fun, I can't believe it's been… how long as it been?"

"Four… four…" Light stared pointedly at his watch, hanging on to his last ounce of sanity. "We've been _sitting here_… for four hours, Delilah."

"Wow… that's kind of a long time, but it really didn't feel like it!" she said. "Like, it's a long time if… you're doing something boring, I suppose, but this was fun, right? So it didn't… _feel_ like a long time."

"Yeah!" Misa chirped, as Light groaned silently to himself. "It's been really great talking to you, Delilah! Maybe we can meet up again sometime soon! That would be great!"

"Maybe we could double-date – you with Light-kun, and me with Takeshi-chin! That would be so romantic, I think!"

"Oh, yeah! Yeah, that's a really good idea! Hey Light," Misa turned to him, grinning broadly, "doesn't that sound like a really good idea?"

He thought he was going to be sick. "… Umm… I think we would have to arrange that at a later date… and, at any rate, we haven't had the chance to tell Takeshi what Delilah is like. We can't expect him to just agree to a double-date if he's never met her – that would be unfair."

"What's there to think about? She's PERFECT for him! I mean, she's really pretty, and… that top – where did you get it from, Delilah? Do you think they might have one in my size?"

"Well, I think I got it from…"

"Look. LOOK. No matter what anyone here wants, the whole reason we met today was because we want to get Takeshi a girlfriend, right? We all want to make him happy, don't we?" Light explained, hoping that he wouldn't lose control and start shrieking at the top of his lungs and killing everyone within a five-mile radius with his bare hands. "All of this means," he added, sweetly, "that we can't just make a decision without considering his feelings… which consequently means that it would be best, for everyone concerned, if we were to decide on something at a later date."

Delilah raised her hand.

"Yes?" he said.

"I wanted to meet you today because I think Takeshi-chin sounds hot. Does that count as the same thing?"

"… Yes. It does," he lied, shuddering as he did so. "So everyone agrees that we should talk to Takeshi first, and contact Delilah when we've reached a decision?"

"Yeah," Delilah nodded. "I mean… oh. No, I mean. No. I don't agree, actually."

"Umm… I'm sorry, Light," said Misa, "but I don't really agree either. Delilah's perfect for Takeshi… Misa wants them to be together, just like Misa and Light! That would be so _cute_!"

Light bit his lip. Was there really a way for him to argue his way out of this? This woman certainly was perfect for his Plan, as she'd managed to almost drive him to insanity on several occasions over the space of only a few hours… not to mention her persistence, and devotion to L, even though she hadn't met him yet.

… But… There was still the nauseating Ame-chan… And they had only spent a few minutes with her…

…

"Alright then. I have a proposition for you then, Delilah."

Two blank faces stared at him.

He coughed. "I might have a… solution, but you'd have to agree to what I'm about to say, Delilah," he reiterated.

"Oh. Okay then, what is it?"

"… A love test," he said, smirking sadistically. "I would like you to prove to Misa and myself that you deserve to be his girlfriend. No limits. Do everything within your power to prove your devotion for him, and when you've convinced both of us that you're worthy… you can be his girlfriend."

"Ooh! A love test, that's so romantic!" Misa squealed. "I wish I'd thought of that! You're so romantic, Light!"

Slowly, and somewhat inevitably, Delilah's arm was raised again. "Umm… I think the love test is romantic too, but… it sounds a bit hard. It doesn't sound like an easy solution…"

"I never said it was going to be easy," Light sneered. "But I suppose if it's too tough for you to go through, Takeshi will just have to go out with Ame instead…"

"AME!?" the woman gasped. "My Takeshi-chin can't love someone else! I'll win the love test no matter what!"

_Perfect_.

"Okay then. I'll give both you and her a week to prove your love for Takeshi to us – starting from tomorrow – and when the seven days are up, I will tell you who I… I mean, we have decided to be his girlfriend." He took his wallet from his pocket, and took out a small scrap of paper from it. "To make it fair on you and Ame, I will give you both the address at which Misa and I are living, and Misa's mobile phone number. Is that alright with everyone?"

Two nods.

He scribbled down the information, and passed the paper to Delilah.

"Thank you," she said, smiling vaguely and frowning at the words.

"I expect to be hearing from you during the week," he said. "Good luck to you. Now, Misa – we'd better go and leave Delilah to her thoughts. She has a lot of work ahead of her, and we don't want to hold her up any longer than we need to."

"Okay, Light," said Misa, who was still in a euphoric haze over the prospect of a love test. "Bye, Delilah-san! See you soon!"

Then, they left.

--

"A love test," L's voice crackled. "Against a woman called Ame?"

"Yes," she murmured to the screen. "I need to 'prove my love' to them. Any thoughts?"

"Hmm… well, considering that Misa-san is involved, I can only assume that the Ame that was mentioned is the popular model of that name…" There was a pause, and Wedy sat in silence for a few moments before he spoke again. "Watari will send you Ame-san's personal details and home address in just a few moments."

"But what am I supposed to do?"

"As Light-kun has narrowed it down to just you and Ame-san, there's no doubt that he believes Ame-san would be willing to participate in this love test. I need you to monitor her actions, and… make sure that you beat her."

"I hope you're not expecting me to go and kill her or anything," Wedy frowned.

"No. I just need you to… win," he said. "Sabotage whatever plans she devises, or – failing that – merely do something that would 'prove' to Light-kun that you are more obsessive about meeting me than she is."

He severed the communications link.

Wedy wondered why she had ever agreed to this.

--

"A love test…" Misa sighed. "Oh Light, that's so romantic!! Just like in those movies about olden times, like Romeo and Juliet…"

Two hopeless romantics, doomed to a short-lived future of pain and suffering… all in all, a rather accurate analogy. Light was quite impressed. "So, are you going to phone Ame and tell her the news?" he asked. "We have to give them both the same chance, you know."

Misa's face fell. "Hmm… Yeah, about that… Why did you say that Delilah and Ame-chan were the only ones going to compete? How come you've narrowed it down to those two?" Hurriedly, she added, "Misa doesn't think it's _bad_ or anything like that, Light always knows best, but… Misa worked really hard to get all those other girlfriends for L, and… Ame-chan is really annoying!!"

"Well, of course, Misa, I appreciate the work that you've put int…" he paused, and let the words sink in. "… Did you just say you think Ame is really annoying?"

"Well yeah, she's all loud and talks all the time and won't leave Misa alone and she acts like she's all cute and stuff but really she's all weird and kind of slutty and she's such a _bitch_ sometimes and…"

She stopped, looked up at him, and blushed a little. "… Erm… But if Light thinks she's okay for L, then Misa won't argue, of course…"

He wrapped his arm firmly around her shoulder. "I'm very glad to hear that, Misa – because, whilst you've found so many prospective partners for L – and I _truly_ thank you for that – you have to agree that I know him better than most. I know what kind of person he likes, and what kind of person he doesn't like… which is why I've narrowed it down to those two. I know that you like Delilah, and you would like to see her get what she wants, but unfortunately we have to put our feelings, and her feelings, aside for the moment. What I want more than anything is to find L a permanent girlfriend, who fits every requirement… When we can be sure that the girl we have chosen will do this, I think I'll feel a lot more comfortable.

"Then, Misa, we can begin focussing on our own relationship."

He smiled. She smiled.

"I'll phone Ame-chan and tell her about the love test," Misa swooned.

Everything was running smoothly. Admittedly, he hadn't planned on having to make up this _love test_, and unfortunately this would slow things down quite a bit… but he was coping. The Plan was still working.

He would HAVE revenge.

--

**Author's Note:** _I feel as though I've gone a little off-track on this chapter… Writing it, I got the distinct impression that I wasn't quite hitting everything that I wanted to say…_

_A little disappointing, I think. Not bad, but… I will need to try a lot harder for the next chapter. The plot's getting a lot more difficult for me to handle now, so I won't have much of a chance if I don't put enough into writing it.._

_Unfortunately, despite the fact that I've had the past week off, I've barely written anything. My laziness is inexcusable – and I must do something to rectify it. I'm extremely sorry, of course, if my increasingly relaxed approach to posting (I've taken over a week to release this?!) has become something of a nuisance…_

_There will be more. Lots more. I just need to give myself the proverbial boot up the backside and write the upcoming chapters. Then, perhaps, I might be a little more happy with my progression._

_Thank you, all readers (yes, I'm talking to YOU), for taking the time to have a look at A.I – Alternate Incarceration. If you would like to review, then please review. Regardless of whether you do or not, I'll just be happy knowing that you've taken any amount of time to get as far as these words._

_I'd better start work on the next chapter._

_Stay tuned._


	29. Chapter 24: Link

_Have you ever had one of those terrifying moments where you feel as though you're useless and will never be able to do something ever again?_

_Such as, for example, writing?_

_This week, I had one of those moments. It is a horrible, horrible experience, and to anyone else who HAS ever had something like that, or happens to be going through that right now, my humblest and most sincere sympathies go out to you._

_Ahh… but that's almost completely nothing to do with this at all. That is that, and this is Light Yagami chained to Misa Amane. So, without further ado, I'll begin._

_DISCLAIMER: I'm sure I've told you this a million times before, but did you know that Death Note isn't mine?_

--

**Chapter Twenty Four: Link**

Once upon a time, there lived a princess – the most beautiful princess that ever lived. Every man who laid eyes upon her instantly fell madly in love with her, and every woman who saw her became – like, totally jealous.

Princess Ame-chan.

Once upon a time, there lived a prince. He was tall, dark and handsome, just like in the movies. He was pretty shy too, which was cute sometimes. He lived high up in a tower, far away from the rest of the world, looking nervously down for someone who could be his one true love.

His name was Prince Takeshi.

One day, the prince gave out a proc… a pro… a… the prince said something. He said that there would be a grand love test, just like in the movies, and whosoever won this test would have his hand in… boyfriend…dom.

The task was set, and Princess Ame-chan, who would score with only the hottest guys, knew what she had to do. She would win the contest, and Takeshi would be hers and hers alone for three to four weeks minimum!!

But… hmm…

What to do first? How could she prove that she thought he was a really, really hot guy? She had heard from her prince's messenger (that ditzy, ugly Misa-chan) that there was another girl competing for his hand, and though Ame-chan knew that he would totally dig her, like, totally much more than the other girl, she still needed to make sure that the opposition was well and truly defeated. She needed a really good plan, something that would prove – without a shadow of a doubt – that it was Ame-chan, and not Miss Ugly Pants, who was going to go out with the sexy Prince Takeshi!!

As in most difficult situations, her first port of call was to phone her manager. He was clever, right? He'd definitely know what to do to make someone love her.

--

Through a gap in the curtains, Wedy monitored the ridiculous girl. Ame Hirokawa, aged 19 – though you would be excused for thinking that she was much younger than that – the model, up and coming idol, and love rival to the fictional Delilah Steen.

For the next week, Wedy's entire life would have to secretly revolve around this girl, if she wished to have any chance in fulfilling L's plans. Every moment she wasn't trying to impress Light and Misa would be spent only a few feet away from this obnoxious waste of space: watching, taking notes, trying to find just one iota of weakness that she could exploit…

This was, by far, not her area of expertise. If the job hadn't specifically called for a woman, she imagined that Aiber would be able to fit the bill far better than she ever could…

For once, couldn't L have given her a decent job?

--

The monitor in hummed softly, its sterile white glare reflecting onto his large, dark eyes. His spindly fingers moved swiftly, mechanically across the keyboard. The space around him was crowded and dark, filled with towers of books and video tapes. Rare, empty plates were scattered around his crouched, unmoving form. There would have been something haunting about the scene, if it weren't for the comically large marshmallow cookie clenched between his teeth.

For the past few days, L's current case had been put on something of a hiatus. Of course, he realised the importance of finding these criminals – but at present, there was something far more interesting weighing on his mind…

Light-kun had devised a plan; he was trying to get him a girlfriend. Not just any woman would do, of course… Light-kun's predictably extreme plan seemed to require pairing him off with the most ridiculous, air-headed woman imaginable.

The plan was childish and irrational. No other young man would ever dream of going to such drastic measures to seek revenge for something so innocent. After all, what harm could be done in merely giving a girl something that would allow her to fulfil her dreams? What could possibly be wrong about handing over a set of handcuffs to Misa-san, knowing full well that she was planning to chain herself to Light-kun permanently?

Oh, alright. So maybe she was stupid, and annoyingly persistent, and more than capable of sending anyone onto the edge of sanity even without being handcuffed to them… but most young men would jump at the chance to spend every waking moment of the day with an attractive young model.

L couldn't help but smirk to himself.

Regardless of the ethics of the matter, there was no denying that Light-kun was planning on getting his own back… and a fine job he was doing, too. From the way things seemed to be working out, L would be lumbered with the most annoyingly stupid woman imaginable by this time next week.

Unfortunately for Light-kun, the most annoyingly stupid woman imaginable didn't actually exist. Wedy, or rather, 'Delilah Steen' was unlikely to lose to her love rival when she was receiving such support from Watari and himself…

Yes.

Light-kun's plan was working out perfectly.

--

Everything was working out perfectly.

He needed to keep focussed, but the end result was now inevitable. This challenge L had set was drawing ever closer to its grand finale, and soon he – Light Yagami – would be crowned as the victor.

For the past week, the single, glimmering image of freedom at the end of the tunnel had been his one driving force… and now, despite the impossible hardships placed in his way, his goal was within reaching distance.

There were no obstacles facing him any more. He had taken them all out, one by one. All that lay between him and his prize – his triumph over Misa and L, his vanquishing of evils; was the seven days of the love test. Ample time to prepare himself for that imminent, glorious moment…

He calmly turned his right wrist, feeling the metal of the handcuff graze his skin. He remembered a time – it felt so long ago – where it had felt so threatening. He could vaguely recall the feeling of entrapment, the panic of believing that the chain which linked him to Misa tethered him to a future of pain, and suffering, and servitude.

He had been so wrong.

The chain was a constant reminder of the corruption he was facing. Gripped firmly to his arm, it was proof that he was the innocent party, and that the ones who imprisoned him deserved to be punished.

And so, over the space of only a few short days, he had changed the rules of the game. What once was his incarceration had now become Misa's: for her crimes against him, she was not only bound by the metal links of the handcuffs, but also by her servitude to him. A fitting sentence, in his opinion.

But there was still more work to be done. Much more.

--

On the other end of the chain, Misa was smiling.

Tomorrow, perhaps, they would go shopping. There were a pair of shoes she'd seen not that long ago, and it wouldn't be fair on anyone if she didn't get them – she'd look so good in them, she just knew it!

And maybe, while they were out, she could buy Light something for being such a good boyfriend. He'd been so nice lately, and was taking her on dates _all the time_… It looked like her little plan to make him love her had worked after all! Now, she guessed, it was time to show him how much she loved him.

But what did boys like? She'd never really been very good at buying things for boys, because she could never think of what to get them… Hmmm…

Light wasn't like other boys, though. Light was special. Light was her true love, Light was her whole world. He wasn't just some guy – he could never be 'just some guy'.

Light belonged to her.

So she had to make the present something special – something he would really like… Something that would go to show just how much she cared.

Ummm…

What did Light like again? She knew he liked _her_, but what else…?

"Light?" she asked, sweetly.

--

**Author's Note:** _A little different. Also a little late – I would have preferred to post this much earlier, but I never seemed to get around to writing the ending…_

_This chapter is probably just another one that's here to clear my head a little. From this point on, these are the five characters I'll be honing into, so this is more about setting the mind frame than real entertainment… Actual comedy will return momentarily, as will plot progression and dialogue…_

_I hope to have another chapter done before the week is through, but I'm not sure how plausible that is, given that it's me writing the thing… especially seeing as the week will be through by the end of tomorrow..._

_Stay tuned._


	30. Chapter 25: Magnetism

_Let the ridiculous love test ACTUALLY commence!!_

_DISCLAIMER: If I owned Death Note, what a bizarre world that would be._

--

**Chapter Twenty Five: Magnetism**

Ame-chan huffed impatiently. She had been kept waiting for… ten minutes now, which was simply unacceptable. "Are we reeeaaaady yet, manager-chan?!" she screeched.

"Just one minute, honey, I promise, and we'll be on the air." He beamed at her for a moment, then quickly returned to his dark, muttered conversation with the cameraman.

She pouted, and hurriedly prepared the best tantrum she could muster.

"… But I waaaannt to do it nowwww!! It's not faaaiiiiir, you're beeeeing meeeeeeean!!"

Her manager rolled his eyes and angrily pushed the cameraman towards the pile of equipment. "Just hurry it up, the little bitch has gone off again," he seethed under his breath, and in the split-second it took to turn around to face her, adopted the same, fake smile he had been wearing for the past four years in the business. "Okay, Ame-chan, darling. We're starting right now, don't you worry about it!"

Ame-chan smiled putridly, and clasped her hands together. "Oooo-kaaaay!!" she squeaked. "Just tell me when I'm oooonnnn, won't you, maaaaanager-chaaaan?!"

A few moments later, just as she was beginning to get bored again, the studio lamps came on. The little red light on the camera flashed.

"Action!" called her manager.

The performance was about to begin.

Though usually slower than the average toddler, Ame-chan was no stranger to the media. She'd been in every beauty pageant in and around Tokyo ever since she was four, and now – especially after so many victories – playing to the audience had become second, if not first nature. When the lights came on and that magical lens of popularity fell upon her, the world became hers for the taking.

She stared straight at the camera with confidence. Her sugar pink lips lingered on a pout for a moment, then stretched as she giggled with her own special brand of 'cuteness'. She cocked her head to the side, and effortlessly forced her cheeks into a blush. "Hiiiiiii, Takeshi-chaaaaaan…"

The plan was, of course, genius. The best way to tell someone that you love them, as her manager had said, was to tell them directly, right to their faces. However, seeing as they didn't know where to find her _dear_ Takeshi-chan, her knight in shining armour, she would have to speak directly to him by other means.

She would make a short film, like a personals video for a dating service, where she would tell him her every last reason why she loved him, everything she would ever want in a first date, and the… fringe benefits he would be rewarded with by choosing her over that other girl. After she had phoned her manager yesterday, he had contacted the best script writer available and made him stay up all night to write her lines.

The things she would go through for love…

"… As you've deeeefinitely been already tooollllld… my name is Aaaame-chan, and I reeeeally want to go out with…" she pointed playfully at the camera, and giggled her special giggle once again, "… yooooooou…

"Yep, you heard riiiight, hunky!! It's me, Ame-chaaaan, voted the fifth prettiest model in the InRock poll, and I… want to goooooo out with yoooooou… You're soooo lucky, aren't you!? I think so!!"

In the darkness of the studio behind the camera, she heard groans which she could only imagine to be her manager gaping in awe at her amazing talent with ad-libbing. The original script hadn't even _mentioned_ her superior position in the InRock poll – obviously the script writer was too stupid to realise how important this fact was.

"I'm making thiiiiis little video," she continued, "to show you juuuuuuuust how much loooooooove I feeeeeeel for you, and hopefully, by seeeeing how much yoooou meeeeean to meeeeeee, Takeshi-chaaaan, I'll be aaaable to win your heeeaaarrt…"

Slowly, carefully, she readjusted her shimmering bikini top, and raised an eyebrow to draw Takeshi's attention to the fact that she was wearing only this and a miniscule plaid skirt.

She was sure to win his heart this way.

--

This morning, Misa received a phone call.

Of course, there was no big surprise about that. Ever since the incident in the restaurant that had brought her and Light into the public eye, she had become quite a popular young woman. It was highly irregular for more than two or three hours to go past without her receiving at least one phone call or message of some kind.

This morning, however, it was not her manager, fuming about 'not being told about this', nor was it someone asking for an exclusive photo shoot or interview with her. It wasn't even the chairman of her rapidly expanding fan club, stalking her again.

This morning's phone call for Misa was unusual for two reasons.

Light was awoken by the sound of familiar, tinny music, and the low buzz of a mobile phone vibrating across a desk. Somebody – no doubt it was L – was calling him. Sleepily, he sat up, stretched out his arm, and picked up the phone.

"Good morning, Takesh… L. What is it this time?"

"Ooh, hello…! Haven't heard that sexy voice in a while – this is turning out to be a good morning for me."

Light shivered himself fully awake. This voice was certainly not L's.

"… Narita-san?" he groaned.

"The one and only, Light-chan!" the photographer giggled to himself. "I'd really love to just sit here and talk to you, but unfortunately this is a business call. Is Miss Misa awake?"

Light glanced over at the model sharing his bed, who was stretching groggily and smiling the kind of smile people make when they don't quite know where they are or what's happening. "Yes – she must have just woken up when the phone rang."

On the other end of the phone, there was a thrilled little gasp. "Ooohh, I can't believe I hadn't thought about that! Of course – you and Miss Misa are sharing a bed, aren't you?" Narita-san was obviously grinning from ear to ear as he said these words. "… Ahem. But anyway, I'm sorry to have disturbed you two, but this is rather important."

Not wanting to talk with him for any longer, Light passed the phone over to Misa. Clumsily, she held it to her ear.

"Nyum… Hello…?"

A long pause.

"… Nari… Naruto-san?" she said, her eyes still struggling to focus. "Ummm… Hang on, I'll get it? Oh, OH! Oh, yes, Narita-san, hi! I didn't think I gave you any of my numbers, how did you get this one?... Oh… Really? So how did my fan club get it?... No, I didn't tell them…"

She placed a hand over the receiver. "Light, when your fan club gets hold of your personal phone number and starts giving it out to people when someone asks them for it, is that illegal?"

Light stared blankly for a moment. "… Yes, Misa. Yes. Yes it is. It's very illegal."

"Oh," she said, then smiled. "Okay, thank you, Light!" She removed her hand from the receiver, and continued the conversation with Narita-san.

"I just asked an _expert_," she winked, "and he said it was against the law too. What should we do, then?... Really? You think it's bad enough for the police to get involved? Wow… Yeah, well Light's dad is a policeman guy, so maybe we could ask _him_ to get on it…"

Light frowned. His father wasn't just a 'policeman', by any stretch of the imagination: he was the detective superintendent of the NPA, thank you very much.

"… What was that, Narita-san?... No, I don't think there's any police stuff in the house… No, Light's dad is one of those police guys that doesn't wear any uniform… Truncheon? I didn't know they still had –"

"MISA," Light said forcefully. "Ask Narita-san why he called."

"Oh. Light just asked me to ask you why you called... Mm-hmm… Oh, really?... _Really_?! Wow… Hmm, I don't know. I mean, if you do that, won't you lose a lot of money?..."

She gasped.

"_REALLY!?!?_ Ohmigosh, that's amazing! Misa's even more popular than before, then?... Are you serious, though? If you sold the photos from my last shoot in an auction, would they really get _that_ much?..."

This time, her mouth moved as though she was gasping, but no sound came out.

"… THAT'S THE MINIMUM ESTIMATE?!?! Well, umm… Does Misa still get her regular wage from this, or… No? You'll put it up too?... How much does Misa get then?"

Silence descended upon the room.

Misa dropped the phone.

Light picked it up, and held it to his ear. "You'll have to excuse Misa for the moment," he said, patting her comfortingly on the shoulder. "She seems to be momentarily paralysed."

"Ah," said Narita-san. "Well, I suppose that's understandable, seeing as her wage has just increased seven-fold."

"… What was she originally paid, then?"

Narita-san told him the figure.

One quick mathematic equation later, and Light was considering dropping the phone too. "I… see…" he gasped. "I'll… just, erm… pass the phone over… to… Misa… now… " He slotted the phone back into her frozen hand, and shakily manoeuvred her arm so that it was back by her ear.

"Umm… umm… erm…" Misa gurgled. "Erm… Yes. I, umm, I think you probably should sell it in that auction, umm, then. That would be, umm, good. I think… Thank y-you, for, umm, calling, Narita-san…"

Somehow, she managed to put the phone down.

This decided it. The next time they went on a date, Light was going to make Misa pay. After all, she was definitely good for it.

--

"Sooooo, my little pupuuuuurin, Takeshi-chaaaan… This is what you'll get… if yooooou choose meeeeeee!! Bye-bye!! I hope this video gives you gooooooood dreeeaaams!!"

Ame-chan's manager cringed under the protective veil of darkness. It wasn't unusual for the girl to be nauseating or embarrassing… but _this_ was just disgusting. A blatant disregard for human decency, the most sickly, horrible thing ever committed to film…

… He couldn't wait to upload it to the internet. The publicity…

"That's a wrap," he said, absent-mindedly rubbing his hands together.

"So?! How did I dooooooo!?" the girl squeaked.

"Fantastic, as can only be expected, from someone as talented as you, Ame-chan!" He casually strolled over to her, picking up the discarded plaid skirt and dropping it delicately into her naked lap. "So, how do you plan to get this video to Takeshi, then?"

"Ohhhhh yeeeeaaahhh… I forgot about thaaaaaaat!!" She stood up and pranced over to her tiny handbag, knelt down, and plucked out a small piece of pink notepaper from its depths. "… I've got this addreeeeesssss… It's where Miiiiisa-chan and Liiiiight-chan are living, and they're the ones who are taking eeeeeeverything to Takeeeeesssshhi-chan!! Could you pleeeeeease take it there, pleeeeeeease, manager-chaaaaan?!"

"… Ame-chan, I really think that this needs more of a personal touch," he said, feeling her eyes instantly flare as he did so. "This is love we're talking about, and you really need to make an effort."

"But I haaaave been making an effort!! Yoooou juuuuusst waaaaaaatched meeeeeeee!!"

"Yes, but…" he closed his eyes for a moment. "… Okay, look at it this way. If you go to his house personally, you might get seen. If your public finds out that you're taking part in a love-test, think of how popular you'll be! You could be a bigger than Misa is now!"

Ame-chan's face lit up. "Reeeeeeaaally?! I can get publicity from… just going ooooouuuut!? I'm suuuuuuch a STAAAAAAAAR!!!"

Then, as a few more words sank into her brain…

"Heeeyy… Misa-chan isn't biiiiig!! She's shoooooorrrrter than meeee…"

--

**Author's Note:** _It's official. A.I. is back!!_

_Yes, I am officially 'happy' with this one. In fact, I'm more than happy. It seems I'm usually happy with chapters that I write in the space of just a few hours…_

_Maybe I should pay attention to that little self-observation. Hmm._

_More will undoubtedly be hitting a screen near you very soon. Not literally, of course, because that would be unnecessarily physically violent for a chapter of a fanfic…_

_A question to all readers – seeing as this chapter is packed full of them, I'd like to know if my OCs are in any way credible, or likeable. Have I fallen into the horrible trap of making them pointless one-dimensional beings? What's your impression of them as characters? Was it a bad idea for me to include them?_

_I could go on like that for hours._

_Thanks goes, as it always does, to the readers of this fic. Though I don't quite understand why you read this – seeing as I'm such a temperamental writer that my chapters jump all over the place – I am extremely grateful that you do, for whatever reason._

_Stay tuned._


	31. BONUS: Misa Strikes Back

_A strange new twist on the bonus chapter gig, seeing as I can't think of which other character should write a review. If anyone has any suggestions or requests, feel free to send them my way._

_For the meantime, however, I've decided to revisit an earlier reviewer, just because I liked writing as them – and anyway, they promised to do this in their review anyway. XD_

_Take it away, Misa!_

_DISCLAIMER: Death Note is, like, sooooo totally not mine. Totally._

--

**::BONUS 5::**

**MISA-MISA FANFICTION**

**A.I – Alternate Incarceration**

**(Chapters 22-25)**

Hello again Mr FFYP-det-Yagami!

It's Misa-Misa again, and this time… Misa tried real hard and wrote something really good! It's a story, a bit like yours, and because it's a story and you're writing a _good_ one (but it's been getting a bit weird lately, and I don't like Ame-chan… but Light and Misa are going on dates a lot, so that's nice!) I thought you could read it and tell me what you think.

So here it is. It's not as long as your story, but I think it's a little bit better, maybe!! :D

--

A Love Story

By Misa Amane

(Editing by Mochi)

Once upon a time there was a _beautiful_ idol called Misa-Misa. Misa-Misa was so popular and famous that everybody in the whole WORLD knew who she was and LOVED her!!

But Misa-Misa had a problem. There was this boy who was really cute and called Light Yagami, and he didn't know who she was! She was in _LOVE_ with him.

So she made a really clever plan to make Light be in LOVE with her. She went to see a creepy detective who gave her a shiny pair of handcuffs with lots of pretty jewels and things on it. Her plan was almost ready!

Then she went and found Light. He was looking really _sexy_, and Misa-Misa almost forgot what she was doing, but then she remembered and then put one bit of the handcuff on her and one bit of the handcuff on him!

THEY WERE CHAINED TOGETHER!!

"What is this and who are you?" said Light hotly. "This is a really pretty handcuff, but why is it here on my arm?"

"This is a handcuff with jewels on it, and I'm Misa-Misa – the prettiest and most famous person in the whole world!" I said. "It is pretty, and it's on you because I want to make sure you LOVE me like I LOVE you!!"

"You LOVE me?" Light made a squee. "Well I think I would LOVE you but I don't know you well yet so let's get to know one another!!"

Misa was sad that Light didn't LOVE her yet. But Misa-Misa was happy that he was so caring and wanted to get to know her.

"Let's go and do something together then!!"

So Misa and Light went on lots and lots of romantic dates and kissed all the time and spent all the time together and had a _bath_ together and then Light was in LOVE with Misa.

"I LOVE YOU, MISA!" said Light.

So Misa and Light got _married_ and had some _sex_ and then some babies. They had three babies called… really cute names, and Misa-Misa dressed them up in pretty things and everyone thought they were the cutest babies in the whole world.

Misa-Misa and Light were really happy. Then they were made king and queen of the whole world and even though Misa didn't need to keep the handcuffs to make Light LOVE her, sometimes he asked if they could wear them a bit because he wanted to be with her all the time so much, because he LOVED her so much.

The End.

--

So what do you think? Pretty good, huh?

Anyway, I would really like it if you told me what you thought, because I'm writing it for a surprise for Light, and I don't want him to know yet, which is why I didn't ask him. Will you tell Misa what you thought of her story? Oh, and Mogi helped with it too.

Love

xXx Misa-Misa xXx

--

**Author's Note:** _Erm… Very… nice, Misa. I can see you certainly have a… a certain flair with imagination. This is very creative work but, umm… I think that you should keep to modelling, and I should keep to writing. You're very good at modelling, aren't you?_

…

_I only edited one thing whilst writing this whole thing – and that was the capitalisation of the word 'LOVE', because I thought it'd be funnier if I did it that way. Writing as Misa is hilarious, and always easy for me to relax into, because her character becomes more realistic the less you pay attention to what you're really doing. If anyone wants to clear their mind completely, I highly recommend them writing a few paragraphs as her – it really does the trick._

_This really is a bit of a cop-out chapter, if I'm being honest. There I was, saying "More will undoubtedly be hitting a screen near you very soon", and then I didn't post anything on this for over a week. The words 'time' and 'management' obviously have no meaning to me. Argh._

_Thank you to all readers, for putting up with me, despite my tendency to lose track of time/plot. Your perseverance will not be in vain… or at least I hope it won't be._

_Stay tuned. I'll try to stay tuned too this time…_


	32. Chapter 26: Rivalry

_Warning to all readers. This here is probably the longest chapter I have ever written for anything ever. This statement isn't only referring to the actual length… It also happens to be so long-winded in its narrative that I could probably publish this as its own story._

_I'm not using this as an excuse for the extreme lateness of this, though. I'm sorry if all these delays have irritated any of you out there – if it's any consolation, I'm irritated with myself for not posting this for so long. It was just… difficult…_

_Feh. Anyway, here it is, in all its monochrome wondrousness, for your enjoyment. A.I.26._

_DISCLAIMER: No, Death Note isn't mine. Why do I have to keep telling you that? XD_

--

**Chapter Twenty Six: Rivalry**

There was a pleasant breeze this morning. Light Yagami smiled to himself as he walked down the path, the tinkling sound of the handcuffs rattling merrily about his wrist. Just beside him, Misa gazed in wonderment at the crisp blue sky above them, her mouth slightly agape.

Light's brain was blank, but for a few numbers rattling about.

They stumbled along, stupidly, vaguely in the direction of the mall. They would have no trouble trying to keep to their budget today.

"So… Misa…" he said, eventually. "What do you… want to… do… today?"

"Mmmmhwhawhat?"

"Hmm…" he replied. "I… see."

--

Though it may – for some people – be hard to believe, Ame Hirokawa was not stupid. Ignorant? Yes. Self-centred? Naturally. But stupid?

Never.

Could a stupid person get _this_ far in the entertainment business? Could a stupid person make all those around her adore her so? To call Ame-chan stupid was as ridiculous as calling her ugly or lazy. And _nobody_ called her ugly or lazy.

She sneered triumphantly at the disc in her hand, as she languished in the back seat of her luxury car. No stupid, ugly, lazy person could have ever made a video so beautiful for their one true love.

Undeniable proof. Ame-chan was not ugly, not lazy, and certainly not stupid. It stood to reason.

In the seat in front of her, the chauffeur scowled. He'd been called out on his day off to cart a bratty little woman around, all because she wanted to give some retard boyfriend of hers a present, and she'd have a tantrum if no one took her. Or at least that's what he'd been told by her manager, before the pompous bastard had had to go to his 'urgent meeting'.

… Stuck-up little cow. He hoped her boyfriend dumped her.

It took a relatively short amount of time for them to arrive at the guy's house – in fact, the trip was so brief that the chauffeur wondered why he had been called out in the first place – and eventually, after he had realised that Ame wasn't about to open the door herself, he got out of the car and 'politely' ushered her to the front door.

Ame rang the doorbell.

The door was opened by a friendly looking woman wearing an apron. The woman smiled at Ame. "Oh, hello – I don't believe I've met you before. If you're looking for Light or Sayu, I'm afraid they're b…"

"Helloooo, cleeeeaaning lady!! My name's Aaaaaame-chaaan, and I'm heeeeeere to see Liiiiiiight-chan and Miiiiiiiiisa-chan!! Can yoooooou taaaaaaaake me to them?! It's sooooomething impoooooooortant!!"

Sachiko Yagami frowned. "I don't think you're listening to me – first of all, I'm not a cleaning lady, and secondly, I was trying to _tell _you tha…"

"Hurry uuuuuuup!! I caaaan't just wait around aaaaaaallllll daaaaaaaaayyyy!! Just caaaaaall them and tell them that Aaaaaaaaaame-chaaaan's heeeeeere!!!" the horrible little model snapped. "I don't take thiiiiiiiss from my oooowwwwwnn servants, so whyyyy should I take it from yooooou!?!"

"Now, now listen here! You can't just go around insulting people li…"

"I demaaaaaaand to seeeeeee them!!"

"Look, you horrible little girl," Sachiko retorted, reaching the end of her tether with her impolite guest, "I'm not a cleaner, Light and Misa have gone out for the day, and I really don't think you're in any position to demand anything, with those kind of manners. Now go away, and don't come to this house again."

The door slammed shut.

Ame rang the doorbell again.

And again.

And a few more times.

"Cleeeeeeeaaning lady!! Let me iiiiiiiin!!" she whined. "Whyyy did you clooooossse the dooooooor!?"

Unsurprisingly, no one answered.

Defeated and frustrated, she headed back to the car, threw open the door, and clambered clumsily inside. The chauffeur would have thought it funny, if it hadn't meant that he would have to spend even more time with her.

"… So… You want me to, erm, take you home then?" he asked, hopefully.

"We-e-e-lllll… It looooooks like Liiight-chan and Miiiisa-chan aren't in right nooowwww… But I neeeeeeeeed to get this video to them todaaaaayyy!! So, what weeeeeeee have to doooooo iiiiiiiis…" she furrowed her brow in deep thought, looking much like an ape wearing make-up as she did so, "… yooooou just have to driiiiive around the block a feeewww times until they come baaaaaaack!!"

Unsurprisingly, he didn't grace this with an answer.

"Soooooo… let's get moooooovvviiiing!!"

Keeping his mind firmly fixed on the job – he was a _driver_, she was a _customer_, and the customer is _always_ right – he started up the car again.

--

By midday, Light and Misa had finally recovered from the morning's phone call. A few hours' worth of heavy-duty shopping and regular intakes of strong coffee had jolted them out of the dazed state they had been blundering about in and now, as they sat together in Light's favourite café, they could – at last – have something that resembled a conversation.

Or, more accurately, Misa could have a conversation, whilst Light nodded smiled when it was required of him.

"… So, Misa decided she would get Light a present for being _such_ a good boyfriend," she beamed, rummaging around in the mountains of shopping bags and pulling out a clothes hanger with what looked like a few bits of stray black lace dangling from it. "Isn't it _sexy_? Misa hasn't tried it on yet – obviously you know that, because you've been with me allllll the time! – but I bet it'll look AMAZING on me, don't you?"

Light nodded and made the appropriate appreciative noises, even though he had no idea how she would begin to put the frilly, practically nonexistent lingerie on.

"But I won't be wearing it until we're going to, you know…" Misa giggled, "… DO something. There's no point in me wearing them unless we're going to DO something!"

Light nodded sagely. Of course she was right, he thought sarcastically to himself. What was the point in wearing a set of extremely expensive underwear, unless you knew you were going to take it off five minutes after putting it on?

She returned the clothes hanger to its prospective bag, and turned – her eyes now large and watery with hope – to face him. "Light…" she said softly, and held onto his arm, "Misa doesn't want to push you, but… it'll be soon, right? I'll be able to show you how much I really love you soon, won't I? All this waiting will be over…"

He somehow smiled expressionlessly, and placed an arm around her. "… That's right, Misa. It _will_ all be over soon. And even though it might be difficult now, believe me, it will be worth the wait."

"Oh, Light…" she sighed, wrapping herself around him. "Misa is so happy, it's all so w..."

Abruptly, a very old, very large portable radio landed with a thud on the table in front of them. On the bench across from them, a familiar person sat down.

Without even having to look over at their new, uninvited guest, Light wrinkled his nose. "Hello, Delilah."

--

"Look, it's not like I have a problem with the pay check I'll be getting from carting your ass around all day… but we've been driving 'round the same couple of streets for the past few hours now! I can't just keep 'going around the block just one more time', y'know! I _have_ got better things to do! This was supposed to be my day off, and here I am, stuck in a car with a girl who obviously doesn't know when to quit and go home! Now let me drive you home, or get the hell outta my car!"

This is what the chauffeur would have liked to say. Of course, thanks to his company's stupid policy about keeping the customer happy and not threatening to throw them out of the car while it was moving, he couldn't.

He looked at the clock. It was 3:41 p.m. He tried to work out how long he had been sitting here, in the driving seat, but unfortunately his brain kept failing him after he calculated that it must have been at least a quarter of the day.

Ame was huddled miserably in the back of the car, giving him a look so venomous he was starting to feel a little queasy. Her tiny arms were folded in defiance, her thin-lipped, grimacing mouth sneering with disgust and rage. From the expression on her face, he half-expected her to explode at any moment.

Despite himself, he knew he needed to choose his words carefully.

"Miss," he said, in the happiest voice he could muster.

She flared her little nostrils, snorted like a pig, and seethed. "WHAT," she spat. The sickly, sing-song tone had worn itself out, and all that was left in her voice were the tones of a horrid, selfish, spoiled little girl.

"I think, umm… that maybe we should just… call it a day?" the man winced. "After all, you're looking kind of tired, and I wouldn't want to –"

"CALL IT A DAY. _NO, _I'M NOT GOING TO CALL IT A DAY, YOU STUPID MAN, SO JUST SHUT UP AND GET ON WITH YOUR JOB."

He shut up, and got on with his job.

They continued their endless orbit, as minutes melted into years.

_If I sit here much longer,_ the chauffeur thought, _I'm either gonna fall asleep at the wheel, or…_ He glanced up at the rear view mirror, and shuddered, _… or I'm gonna crash this car and hope I survive in the wreckage._

Then, suddenly…

Ame yelped, somehow managed to trip over herself whilst still staying in a seated position, and pointed out the window. "LOOK!!" she said, regaining a little of her former, annoyingly chirpy self. "IT'S THEM!! STOP THE CAR!! IT'S LIGHT-CHAN AND MISA-CHAN!! STOP THE CAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARR!!"

The chauffeur almost sprang out of his skin, and involuntarily jerked the steering wheel in his grip.

About two or three metres ahead of Light and Misa, a car slammed into a lamppost.

Without any care for the wellbeing of the driver, Ame scrambled out of the door and bolted down the street. She didn't even try to slow down as she neared the pair, and ran straight into Light – knocking both him and Misa to the ground.

"AAAHLIGHTCHAAAAANI'VEBEENLOOKINGFORYOUAAAALLLLLLDAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAYYYYY!!" she shrieked, punching him repeatedly in the chest as she did so. "YOU'RE _SUPPOSED_ TO TELL MMMMMMEEEEEEEEEEE BEFORE YOU GO AAAAAAAANYWHERRRRE!! YOU BASTAAAAAAARD!! I'VE BEEN DRIIIIIIIIIIVING AROOOOUUUND WITH A STUUUUUPID MAN AAAALLLLLLLLL DAAAAAAAAAY WAAAAAAAAAAAAAIIIIIIITING!! YOU CAAAAAN'T JUST GOOOOOO ON A DAAAAATE WITH STUUUUUUPID MISA-CHAN WITHOUT TELLING MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!"

Light tried to raise his hand in protest, but was winded by Ame's fist hitting his stomach again. It wasn't a very pleasant experience.

"AND ANNNOOOOOTHER THING!! YOUR CLEEEEEEEANNER IS A BIIIIITCH AND I HAAAAAAAAAATE HER _SOOOOOO_ MUUUUCH!! YOU SHOULD FIRE HER, SHE WAS MEEEEEEEEEAAAN TO MEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!! SHE SLAAAAAMMMMED THE DOOOOOOOR WHEN IIIIIII WAS OOOOONNNNLY…"

Time stopped.

A wondrous thing had happened.

Someone had shut Ame up.

"_Never_ hurt Misa's Light," Misa rubbed her knuckles, the sheer force at which she had hit Ame still stinging. "And _never_ say Light can't go on a date with Misa – for _any_ reason! And… and…" she screwed up her face and wailed, "_GET OFF MY LIGHT!_"

Slowly, Ame stopped seeing stars and – warily – removed herself from Light, who was currently feeling as though his torso had been reduced to pulp. She staggered backwards, and crudely shoved a few of her fingers into the side of her mouth. When she removed them again, they were covered in blood.

She stood, silently, caught half way between unimaginable fury and inconceivable sorrow.

Light eventually rose to his feet, a little shaken, and glared with disbelief at the girl in front of him. Misa, who now stood next to him, stared at her with contempt.

"So…" Light coughed politely as he tried to massage some feeling back into his upper abdomen, "… Ame. You, erm… wanted to see us about something, I gather."

Ame might have nodded, though it might also have been the beginning of her developing a nervous twitch.

"And… that would be…?"

From _somewhere_, she pulled out the disc with the video on it, and – after she had mastered hand-eye coordination again – handed it over.

Light looked at it, and frowned. "So. This disc would be…?"

Ame mimed turning the disc over in her hands.

"Ah," he said, flipping it over and reading the scrawled marker pen message:

AME-CHANS' LOVVE MSG TO TAKEHSI

"I see," he said, nodding. "Well, thank you very much, Ame. I'll make certain that Takeshi gets it."

There was silence. Light held onto Misa's arm tightly, just to make sure that a catfight didn't ensue.

"So… we'll be seeing you again later this week, then, won't we?" he smiled as pleasantly as he possible. "Now, Misa and I don't want to hold you up, and I imagine you have a lot of important things that you need to be getting along with – especially seeing as this is only the first day of the love test and all. So…" his voice trailed off.

After a few moments, he gently pulled on Misa's arm, and they continued walking home.

Ame stood, quaking.

Minutes inched by, and the chauffeur stumbled out of the car. As the crash wasn't too severe, he had thankfully escaped injury. Without a word, he guided the stoic young woman along the road and into the back seat of the car.

"Let's, um, get you back home. How does that sound?" he said – very politely, he thought.

Ame said nothing, and settled herself down in an awkward fashion.

The chauffeur got into the driver's seat, and started up the engine. "Let's, um, put some music on. That'll… be… nice, won't it?"

Again, nothing.

As the car squealed and began moving – cautiously – the static noise of the radio slowly transformed into the sound of two voices.

A news report.

"… _appears that Misa-Misa, an up-and-coming idol who was recently been seen handcuffed to a mysterious young man, has hit the jackpot. It's reported that the photographs from a recent photo-shoot of her chained to the young man is currently up at auction, and could possibly fetch up to a mammoth fift…"_

Ame groaned. It was slightly reassuring to see that she had not lost quite _all_ of her senses, but simultaneously the chauffeur couldn't help but fear for his safety.

"… _among the highest bids for a photo-set ever recorded in Japan."_

"_And that,"_ chimed the other reporter, _"is the four o'clock update."_

A cheery, cheesy little jingle filled the car.

"_Now,"_ said a new voice – this time, a woman's, _"once again – as promised – we bring you a message sent into us by a very romantic listener. A message of love we've been asked to play once every hour today, from one Delilah Steen."_

Ame furrowed her brow. She was sure she had heard that name somewhere before.

The message began.

"_Hello,"_ said the recording. _"My name is Delilah Steen, and I want everyone to know that I love my Takeshi-chin so much. I couldn't love him any more than I do, because I couldn't, because I really, really, REALLY love my Takeshi-chin. And, and… And I'll make sure that my Takeshi-chin stays as my Takeshi-chin FOREVER. No one will steal my Takeshi-chin away from me, never… And… "_

The chauffeur took a worried look through the rear-view mirror. He was glad, at the very least, that it wasn't _too_ far to Ame's house…

--

**Author's Note:** _Of course, somehow this chapter ended up being a little too Ame-centric for my tastes… but I'll get over that. I'm just glad I managed to actually write this down._

_Either way I look at it, I'm relieved that it's done now, and I can get on with the next stage of this… frankly rather bizarre plot._

_Thank you to all readers – if you want to leave a review, and tell me whether you thought I'd done something well, or something not so well, or… if you don't think something makes any sense (because, frankly, I'm beginning to think that about some of the things I've just written)… then feel free to do so. I'm not going to pressure you into writing comments, because – well, I don't really have the authority to push you into doing anything. The fact that you've read this shows that you can at least tolerate my writing, and I salute anyone for being able to do that! XD_

_Stay tuned._


	33. Chapter 27: Overworked

_This is probably the most ironic chapter I've ever considered writing. Who would have thought that art would really mimic life so accurately? Or…_

… _or is it the other way around?_

_XD_

_DISCLAIMER: Death Note isn't mine. Not really._

--

**Chapter Twenty Seven: Overworked**

Legal dossiers littered the floor. A dozen half-drunk cups of coffee lay scattered about the place. A telescopic zoom camera, sound amplifying and recording equipment, at least three laptops wired up into a single network, literally hundreds of photographs pinned to the eastern wall…

If anyone were to walk through the door, it would have been impossible for them not to get ideas.

A rented apartment – currently the residence of one tall, platinum-blonde woman with shades and a big fur coat, who predictably called herself 'Miss Smith'. She'd specified the room she wanted – one with a BIG window, overlooking the classier side of town. With all the surveillance equipment, the fact that the blinds were constantly drawn, and the "don't ask questions" attitude she was packing, even the stupidest person would come to the conclusion that she was spying.

But of course, people don't _really_ go around spying in such an obvious manner, right? Any spy worth employing wouldn't make it so easy to work out. This 'Miss Smith' character couldn't be a spy, could she? Obviously, if she _had_ been a real spy…

Wedy couldn't help but smile at this. In her line of work, the name of the game was to keep yourself as inconspicuous as possible. If you get caught, it's all over…

If you were to ask any regular, run-of-the-mill criminal how not to look suspicious, they would almost invariably tell you that you should keep a low profile, act natural, and pretend as though you were doing nothing out of the ordinary. Drawing attention to the fact that you're committing a felony is – to the average criminal – suicide.

However, if you were to ask a really _good_ criminal, the answer would be very, very different. In current-day society, everyone is automatically suspicious of everyone else. Paranoia is rife, and therefore, every single person on the planet is – in most people's minds – probably guilty of something. Even the most regular, unassuming of people could be plotting to steal your car, or murder your grandmother, or commit benefit fraud. The only way to escape this suspicion is to make the fact that you're a criminal so blatantly obvious to world that, to the logical mind, it would be ridiculous to assume that you really _were_ a criminal. Thieves don't really wear stripy jumpers and black masks, murderers don't really go around with their arms steeped in blood, and spies don't really wear leather catsuits. Only people invited to costume parties or really weird people do things like that.

It was all too simple. By making it so glaringly apparent that she was spying on someone, it instantly made it less likely that anyone would really believe she _was_ spying on someone.

Simple.

What _wasn't_ simple, however, was the work she had to do. As she was 'legally indebted' to L, Wedy wasn't surprised to find that his plan was so drastic, or that he expected practically superhuman results from her… but even though she knew it was coming, it didn't make it any easier to cope with.

L was a slave driver. An absolute, one hundred percent slave driver. If he hadn't been, then she probably wouldn't have been expected to spy _and_ act _and_ perform ridiculous plans all at the same time. If he hadn't been, she might have had – at the very least – someone else working with her, so they could grumble about things together. That would have been nice.

But, as always, reality prevailed. And as the old adage goes, reality bites.

She was slumped, ungracefully, on the apartment couch. She knew that there was little reason in checking the binoculars at the moment, as the tracker she had slipped into Ame's morning drink indicated on the screen that she was still away from home. More than that, the tiny microphone she had concealed in Ame's left earring was picking up the sound of traffic, which meant that she had to be outside. The brat didn't seem to be talking very much, which was a little suspicious… but Wedy supposed that even the biggest loudmouth didn't have to talk all the time.

The poor little thing was probably still recovering from her little fit this afternoon.

_What a relief_. She had freedom, if only for a few moments. Perhaps… Perhaps she could even get some sleep. That would be nice…

That _would_ be nice…

…

…

And then, just as the first stages of sleep began to permeate her skull…

*beep boop*

…

*beep boop*

"… M-muh?" her eyelids slowly retreated upwards. In a haze of half-sleep and exhaustion, she inched herself back into a sitting position and tried, desperately, to work out what piece of hardware was making that damned noise.

*beep boop*

It obviously wasn't her phone – that was on silent… and at any rate, the noise was a little too far away…

*beep boop*

Was it the tracker? The microphone? No, it wasn't those either, it couldn't be… What was it?

*beep boop*

In her desperate, dazed state of mind, she began to think those stupid thoughts – the ideas that had no real rhyme or reason…

"Microwave? … Doorbell? TV?" she mumbled to herself.

*beep boop*

It had to be coming from _somewhere_…

*beep boop*

Anywhere…

*beep boop*

_Please_…

*beep boop*

If only she could find what was making the…

*beep boop*

…

*beep boop*

Out of the corner of her eye, she noticed a flicker on one of the laptop screens. A white light, flashing on and off.

*beep boop*

…

*beep -*

On came the light.

*- boop*

And off again.

Stopping herself just before doing a victory dance around the room, she calmly stepped over to the laptop and tapped a few keys on its keyboard:

_What is it, Takeshi?_

Finally, the annoying beeping stopped. The screen froze, flashed, and faded into a glaring white. A large gothic letter 'L' burned itself into the centre. A small text box appeared neatly below the letter 'L' and, after a few moments, words typed themselves into the space.

_I heard your broadcast. I'm quite flattered._

Wedy pulled a face, and typed her response.

_Seeing as you were the one who suggested that I sent that recording in, I somehow find that a little hard to believe._

A pause, and then…

_I made a lot of other suggestions too. The fact that you went with that particular idea goes to show something about you, I think._

She groaned audibly at this. Thankfully, L couldn't hear her on the other end – or at least she _assumed_ he couldn't. Thinking too deeply about things like that probably wasn't advisable…

Eventually, she typed back.

_So? What is it that you wanted?_

As soon as her fingers left the keyboard, the laptop chirped a happy "ding!" and – instantly – the almost completely white screen became littered with seemingly hundreds of windows, popping up at a rate of knots.

She stared, dumbstruck for a few moments.

Somewhere within the jungle of windows on the screen, a message appeared:

_Watari found some additional background information on Ame-san. Also, I have sent you a few suggestions for tomorrow's big stunt. Just some light reading, of course_.

…

Light reading.

Wedy began to get the feeling that somebody out there _really_ had it in for her.

--

**Author's Note:** _Okay, okay. So this is about two weeks late, 1000 words shorter than I'd like, not particularly good and – frankly – completely pointless. But I got it posted, which is the main thing._

_I wanted to write a chapter about Wedy though. Over the past few weeks, I've felt overworked myself… and though I haven't had half the amount of work that she has to do, I can still empathise with her plight completely._

_Thankfully, though, I've finished my damned coursework assignments for the moment and – pretty soon – I'll have more free time to get this stuff written up._

_Thank you, thank you, thank you to all readers who are putting up with my crimes against punctuality. Everyone who reads these words deserves a great big hug and a slice of cherry pie for their determination. Well done you!_

_Erm…_

_Stay tuned. Please…_


	34. Chapter 28: Crackdown

_Hello, AI: Alternate Incarceration._

_Sorry if it seems like I've been ignoring you. Really, I haven't. It's just that you're going through a rough patch, and I need some time to think this through. It's difficult for the both of us, but I know we'll get through this._

_Let's give this thing one more shot, huh? I promise, this time, it'll be the way it used to be._

_DISCLAIMER: Rather obviously, Death Note is not mine._

--

**Chapter Twenty Eight: Crackdown**

Somewhere, in amongst a tangled mess of wires and papers, coffee was being consumed in great quantity. Eyes that longed only to shut for a few hours bore down on words, trying to absorb every last inch of detail.

Vital statistics, former places of residence, recent purchases made via credit card, recent phone calls: all were devoured by her ever-reading, almost unblinking eyes, held in her memory until something more substantial arose.

Another mouthful of coffee. She was becoming immune to the bitterness now, and – worryingly – she began to feel that it might need a little more sugar in it.

She needed something. Anything. If she had just _one_ thing she could exploit…

Just one clue…

… Just one…

"Aha!" said Wedy, startling herself with her own voice and knocking a stack of paper cups onto the floor. Steadying herself, she daintily picked up a sheet of printout paper and sighed in relief.

_This_, she could exploit.

She picked up the phone.

--

It was morning.

Moreover, it was the second morning of the love test.

Light smiled smugly as he secured his belt. Thankfully, things had been thus far mundane compared to yesterday's fiasco, and this calm had given him time to reflect – not gloat, as he was planning to leave _that_ reward until his Plan was complete. He had merely taken this brief peaceful moment to mull over recent events. Recent events that – despite his bad run of luck over the past week or so – seemed to be leaning in his favour.

He had reached a stage where action was unnecessary: he and L had played their pawns, and after a bit of tweaking, events had been set in motion… There really was nothing to do but watch as the fun unfolded.

Which meant that, finally, he could relax. No more preparations, no more shocks from Narita-san… Of course, he'd have to amuse Misa for a short while longer, but he'd get rid of her soon enough…

The beauty of his Plan was that this was inevitable. Even if his revenge on L backfired, it was a certainty that – before the month was through – Misa would be gone. And not just to the extent of being unchained from him either…

She would be _gone_. Her actions from the very start had determined this outcome.

He couldn't help but smile at this.

"Li-i-ight…?"

Ah. Yes. She was still here. Light quickly returned his thoughts to current matters, and turned to face Misa with a sickly, warm smile. "What is it, darling?"

She giggled at this, and tugged on his arm playfully. "You looked like you were thinking about something really nice. It kinda looked like you were in your own little world… and it was cute!! You had this sort of sweet little smile on your face, and – Misa was wondering something."

"And what would that be?" said Light.

She beamed. "Were you thinking about _Misa?_ Was _that_ what was making you smile like that?"

"… As a matter of fact," Light purred, "I was thinking about you. And that was _exactly_ the thing that made me smile."

"That's so…" Misa mused. "… Silly! Light doesn't have to _think_ about Misa – Misa is here! All the time! And I'm here just for you, Light…"

Light smirked, unable to help himself, and replied, "I am too…"

--

She had been humiliated yesterday. Completely and utterly humiliated. All Ame had wanted was to have everything her own way, to win the heart of her one true love (at least, for this week), and generally receive love and adoration from every corner of the world just for being herself. Where was the crime in that? Why did she have to be punished? Where did all the lowly, stinky, under-class people get off treating her with anything but the highest respect? It wasn't fair.

If there was any justice in the world…

She would win. She would claim Takeshi's heart for her own, because _she_ deserved it. She was special, she was a good girl…

… And as everyone knows, the good girls _always_ win.

Yesterday's plan was stupid. She knew that now – it was all her manager's fault anyway, she hadn't even _wanted_ to do a video, she'd _told_ him how much of a stupid idea it was – and today, she had given Manager-san just _one_ more chance to redeem himself. "Juust oonnnnnnne more idea from yoooooooouu, Manager-saaaaaaaaaaan!! If you make me gooooo through aaaaaanything like yesterdaaaaaaay again, I'm goooooooooing to fiiiiiiire you!!"

So, after a little… disagreement, and having to dig her nails _really_ hard into his arm to 'persuade' him, he had started thinking up a plan.

And it was a good plan. Something that was _definitely_ going to work.

In just five short minutes, she would be recording her first ever single. Her manager had been planning this for a long time anyway – someone of her 'talent' _deserved_ to be rammed down the throat of the masses, he said…

… But because it meant so much to Ame, and because she would have a complete tantrum if he didn't do anything about it, Manager-san had decided to rearrange things for her. Of course, it had cost him a _little_ to persuade the lyrics composer to change some of the words in the song to tailor it to Ame's specifications, but… it was for her. Of _course_, it was worth it. Ame-chan was worth _anything_, especially if it cost money or huge amounts of effort.

Takeshi was worth anything too. Even though it meant changing the rhythm of the song entirely, and half of the lyrics would therefore be unable to fit in with the tune…

She would win.

Ame-chan clenched her tiny, manicured fists.

She would win.

--

Ame would lose the love test, plain and simple.

And because Ame would lose, Light would lose. His childish attempt at seeking 'revenge' would be over, and – best of all – L wouldn't have to go on a date with a complete idiot.

L nodded to himself.

He had known, even before he sent the files to Wedy, that there was only one real piece of valuable information in the vast tomes that he had sent her. He _could_ have just sent her the one document – or he could have just acted on the information himself – but that way, he wouldn't have given her the opportunity to feel a sense of achievement, would he? And she had sounded _so_ happy when she phoned, too.

Ironically, he had stumbled across the information through exploring the background of his current case. If it hadn't been for him taking on such a stupidly mundane investigation, he never would have discovered that Ame-chan's manager had links with the Yakuza - the Japanese Mafia, and had aided and abetted the members who had committed the recent kidnappings of government officials.

He could kill two birds with one stone this way. How convenient.

Casually, he tapped the button on his microphone. He paused for a few moments, and – unable to resist the temptation any longer – spoke.

"Yagami-san?" he smiled, to no one in particular.

"What is it, Takeshi?" said Soichiro, his voice a little cracked through the static of the connection.

"… I have some information you might find interesting…"

--

_Two hours later…_

Finally, it was done. It had been a gruelling recording session, but it had been worth it. In only a few more hours, Ame would be holding a shiny new disc in her hands: her first ever single, and her ticket to win the heart of Takeshi.

…

In a few hours.

"But IIIII want it noooowwwwwwww!!" she squeaked, batting at her manager with her ludicrously tiny purse. "Tell the aaaannoooyyyyyyinnnnggg people with the heeeadphoooonnnes that this is impoooorrrrrtant!! I neeeeeeed to have my single nooooowwwwwww, so I can seeeeeennnnd a copy to Taaakeeeesssshhiiiii!!"

"Look," he muttered, wiping away a stray droplet of sweat that had oozed out from under his hair. "Ame, honey, you know I'd do _anything_ to make sure you weren't in a bad mood," he winced a little, "… but this is completely out of my hands. Apparently it's going to take the sound technicians a little while to fine-tune the acoustics, because your voice was absolutely terrib… terrific, unlike the instruments, which need a little work."

"But theeeeyyyy're doing an eeeeeeasy job!! I was doing the diiiiiifficult bits, and theeeeeyyyy're just sitting aroouuuuuund twiddling thooooossse buttony thiiiiiings..." her brow furrowed, giving her a slightly Neanderthal look. "Thaaaaaat job is soooooooooo eeeeeeeeasy!!"

"You're telling me," said her manager. "But anyway, Ame, I can't just tell them to hurry up. Neither of us know how to work the machinery they're using, so for all we know they could be going as fast as they possibly can. So… be a good girl, okay, and just keep quiet for a little while. I think I've got a migraine coming on…"

"But… But…" Ame stalled for a few moments, trying desperately to think of a plausible excuse. "… But I had a reeeeeeally bad daaaaaay yesterday!! REEEEEEEAAALLLLLY baaaad!! Caaaaann't they just gooooo and get some mooooorrre people to heeellllp them work faaaaaaster!? They're beeeeeeeiiing sooooooo selfish!!"

As her manager tried desperately to distract her from the subject – or, better yet, shut her up entirely – neither of them heard the sound of a door opening down the corridor, or the sound of footsteps approaching…

"Come on, Ame! They're trying their best, really they are. Just cut them some slack, and things will all work out for the best, I promise."

"But whaaaaaat abooouuuuuuuut TAKEEEEESSSSHHHIIIIII?! And what abooouuuuuuuut MEEEEEEEEEEEEE!? Noooooooo-one caaaaaaaaaaaares about poor Aaaaaaame-chaaaaaaan!!"

"Now, you _know_ that isn't true," said her manager, finally giving in to his rage. "Seriously, Ame, everyone works their asses off for you, and you honestly think that nobody gives a damn about you? You're my little goldmine, for crying out loud! I wouldn't have put up with HALF of this shit if it weren't for the fact that you rake in the cash for me, you spoiled little brat! And another thing, if you think that I'm –"

A hand tapped him firmly on the shoulder.

"Can't you see I'm busy?" he seethed over his shoulder, his eyes still firmly fixed on Ame, whose expression had contorted into the epitome of horror. "I'm _trying_ to have a discussion with Little Miss Opinionated here, if you don't mind."

There was a rattle of a chain, and he felt something hard and metallic close around his wrist.

Then – a click.

"Keigo Kotsubaki, I am arresting you under the suspicion of aiding and abetting members of the Yakuza in the kidnapping of government officials and remote assistance in drug and weapon trafficking. You have the right to remain silent – anything you do say may be…"

Ame's manager twitched. The handcuff around his wrist clanked against his watch. Slowly, he turned on his heels, and came face to face with a young, not very serious-looking policeman in a dark blue suit.

"Hi," said the policeman, cracking a highly inopportune smile. "Sorry if I came at a bad time, but the Chief _just_ got the evidence on you, and he figured that we should get you sooner rather than just waiting around. Hey, wait a minute – why am I apologising to you? You're a criminal, and I'm doing my job by stopping you. You shouldn't just go around helping to kidnap people, and you _definitely_ shouldn't be selling guns and things to guys who aren't going to use them responsibly… and from what it looked like from where I was standing, you were even being mean to that girl over there, and – Oh wow! Hey, is that Ame-chan? Hey, are you Ame-chan? I'm a really big fan, you know!"

"A faaaaaaaaan!?" Ame squealed. "Oh, wow, yaaaaaaay!! And you're reeeeeeallly cuuuuuuute too!! I could reeeeeeeeealllly go for yoooooooouuuu, if you weren't sooooooooooo ooooooollllld… and if I didn't aaallllllready haaaaaaaaaaave a boooooyyyyyfrieennnnd…"

"Excuse me, but won't you shut the FUCK up for once, Ame!?" her manager roared. "Don't you understand? I'm getting ARRESTED!"

"Ohhhh?! I thought that cuuuuuutey here was arreeeeessssting a guy called Keeeeeeiiiiiiiigo, not yoooooooouuu, Maaaaanager-saaaaaaaan!!"

His jaw dropped. "… What, do you think I was called 'Manager' at birth or something? That guy called Keigo is _me_, you idiot!"

"Soooooooo… yoooooouuu're getting arrested?"

"Yes, Ame. Yes, I bloody well am."

"Oh," said Ame, bluntly. She sniffed a little, and shrugged. "… Weeellll, Before you goooooo, could you ask those stuuuuupid men with the heeeeaaaadphoooooones to hurry uuuup?!"

"Um… Erm, excuse me, Ame-chan, but…" the policeman raised his hand. "… I don't think you understand what's going to happen if your manager is arrested. Because your manager would be the one who held your contract, it means that whatever happens to him directly affects you. And… seeing as he's getting arrested right now, I think it means that your contract isn't valid any more, until you find someone else to sign you."

There was a stunned silence, as the explanation sank through Ame's skull. If Manager-san was arrested, then her contract wasn't valid. If her contract wasn't valid, then she was unable to do advertisement campaigns, or run for photo shoots, or… record songs.

The song she had recorded wasn't going to be released until she found a new manager. And managers, as she knew all too well, took a long time to find, and an awful lot of Daddy's money to persuade them into employment.

It would take a while to sort this mess out…

She certainly couldn't expect to release her single within the week, at any rate. She'd probably have to re-record it anyway.

…

Ame fell to her knees, threw back her head, and began to sob hysterically. "Nooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!!" She wept, flailing her arms about wildly, and ending the spectacular little tantrum by slamming herself face-first onto the floor. "Nooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!!" she repeated.

"Erm… Sorry about that," said the policeman.

--

**Author's Note:** _A mixture of things that I needed to get through. *sigh* I just glad I've got that over with._

_Chapter 29 should be up by next Monday at the latest - and no, I'm being serious. I'm getting back into posting things quickly again..._

_Stay tuned!_


	35. Chapter 29: Transition

_Warning – this chapter isn't really a chapter. Neither is it a bonus chapter._

_It's an overview. Partly because the story needs a bit of distance before I plough on with the character stuff, partly because I need to cover quite a bit of time pretty darn quickly, and mainly because I feel the need to straighten everything out for the people reading this – as the past few chapters seem to have deviated from the point a little. I'm regretting introducing Wedy, Ame and the love test now, but I'm not about to abandon or change it._

… _Mainly because I really, really hate it when people do that._

_So, prepare thyself for not a lot of dialogue, and a bit of long-winded explanation…_

_DISCLAIMER: Death Note belongs to me, Mickey Mouse lives in my left shoe, and Brad Pitt spends his afternoons cycling naked through bramble bushes._

--

**Chapter Twenty Nine: Transition**

And so, Keigo Kotsubaki – Ame's manager, and one of the Yakuza's assistants – was arrested. With this swift enforcement of justice, L's case concerning the governmental kidnappings was brought almost to its end: using Kotsubaki as their source, the police would be able to locate and capture the kidnappers easily.

However, this breakthrough was not favourable to everyone. Due to her manager's run-in with the law, Ame Hirokawa (more commonly known merely as 'Ame-chan' by her fans) had been left stranded, unable to work until she had found new employers and, likewise, unable to work to the fullest capacity on wooing the mysterious Takeshi in the love test. Because of this, it now looked almost certain that the other competitor in the challenge, Delilah Steen, had the upper hand. With such a massive blow to Ame's resources, there seemed to be very little chance in her winning the test at all…

Delilah had all but won. And consequently, L was only inches away from complete victory over Light.

Oblivious to the fact that Delilah was, in fact, working for L, Light continued life as normal. Even after the distressed phone call from Ame, he felt no need to shorten the duration of the love test, and so the week progressed with little in the way of extraordinary events – excepting the increased media attention Misa was receiving, the odd romantic gesture from Delilah, his father returning home for longer periods as the police case calmed down…

The two most difficult problems Light faced was explaining to his father exactly why Misa was handcuffed to him; and keeping the model satisfied by taking her on as many day trips and dinner dates as his schedule could allow.

On the other side of the spectrum, L also had time to relax. By only twenty-four hours after Kotsubaki's capture, he had managed to uncover the place in which the government members were being held: subsequently, his direct involvement in the case was no longer required – he could leave the police to deal with the messy job of rescuing the hostages and apprehending the criminals, whilst he received the praise for his hard work and could have the time to look for his next investigation.

Or just occupy himself by observing Light and Misa, aiding Wedy in his little side project, and eating a little more of that pavlova Watari had made.

…

Time progressed.

Light persevered with the burden of babysitting Misa on a daily basis, keeping a vague watch on Ame and Delilah's activities.

Misa marvelled at every delicate piece of jewellery Light's money could buy.

Ame threw at least four tantrums, and finally resorted to writing terrible poetry and taking sleazy photographs of herself in an attempt to win Takeshi's heart.

Wedy continued to work night and day, not wanting to raise suspicions by letting up, and found that – indeed – her coffee needed a lot more sugar. She could also do with some cake…

… and L watched.

The week continued.

The love test was coming to a close.

--

**Author's Note:** _There you are! That wasn't so bad, was it? It's all over now. The fact that is was so damned short makes me feel like I've short-changed you readers somehow, but... _

_In just a few short days, the next chapter will be up. A.I.30 – yet another milestone I never thought I'd hit. I've already passed an absolutely amazing hurdle by receiving over 100 reviews from you guys (I mean, O__o)... Wow. Really. Who would have thought that I'd actually still be writing this now?_

… _I've just realised that I forgot to do this in the last chapter, and I really do feel bad about that, so…_

_Thank you, thank you, thank you, reader. To everyone that reads and / or reviews this story, I thank you. Though I am a tad worried that a lot of you might have disappeared because of my lack of posting… I hope that the upcoming chapters will serve as some sort of compensation._

_Anyone who wishes to review is free to – actually, I'd welcome it! Although I'm not quite sure how you'd review this, seeing as there isn't much in the way of anything here…_

_Stay tuned. No, really, please stay tuned._


	36. Chapter 30: Doomsday

_I'll let this chapter speak for itself._

_I just hope it doesn't give anyone nightmares..._

_DISCLAIMER: You really wouldn't like it if I owned Death Note…_

--

**Chapter Thirty: Doomsday**

No time at all.

The week had flown by.

Light Yagami smiled to himself as he readjusted his tie in the mirror. Beside him, Misa liberally applied the last of her lipstick.

Today was the big day. The day where L's fate would be decided, justice would be dealt, and the world would begin to turn in Light's favour: today was the end of the love test.

The winner had been decided, and the two stupid competitors were going to meet 'Takeshi' for the first time. Light had arranged for all five of them: himself, Misa, L, Ame and Delilah; to assemble at the café so he could make the announcement – bizarrely, L had been extremely compliant with his wishes…

He casually extended his hand. Instinctively, Misa passed him a comb.

"There you go, Light!!" she said, beaming.

"Oh, thank you, Misa," he oozed, and began to neaten his already extremely presentable hair. "… Are you nearly ready to leave?"

"Misa will be ready in a just a m-i-n-u-t-e… Misa wants to look _really_ pretty for Light. I mean, we're going to be in a room with two other girls… I don't want Ame or Delilah to steal you away from me!"

"There's no chance of that happening," Light smirked. "I'll be thinking of only one person in that room – don't you worry."

"Ohhh Light! That is _so_ CUTE!!" Misa squealed, and wrapped her arms around his waist.

He allowed her a few moments of bliss, then shrugged her off. "Now, Misa. We really should be getting prepared. Today _is_ rather important, and not just because we will have helped to get L a girlfriend… You _do_ remember what I said we could do afterwards, right?"

Misa looked confused.

Light sighed. "Do you remember that I said you helping me get him a girlfriend would help build my confidence?"

With a slightly worried expression, she shook her head. "Um… Not really…"

He frowned a little. For someone so obsessed with getting him into bed, she was terribly inobservant. "… So you don't remember me telling you that I'd be willing to have sex with you, then."

Misa exploded. "AAAAAH!! REALLY?! OHMIGOD! You really, really, really mean that?!?"

Light nodded.

"AAAAAAAAAAAH!! So, so… So after we sort out L and his girlfriend, then… then we'll just come straight back here, and then we'll go to bed, and, and… and then, we'll…" she squeaked. "… Oh, or maybe we shouldn't wait AT ALL! Maybe we could… erm… Light, does the café we're going to have any bathrooms?"

"… Misa. I know you're excited, but I'm not about to lose my virginity in a public toilet for anyone."

She would have replied verbally, were it not for the fact that she was now hyperventilating. Instead, she nodded weakly between high-pitched gasps.

"Now," he sneered, "you be good and get ready. The quicker we get this over with, the quicker we'll be able to do something enjoyable."

Squeaking once again, she hastily finished preparing herself.

They were finally ready to go.

They got into Soichiro's car, and set off.

--

L waited, alone.

Another sugar cube sank into his black coffee, finally bringing it to a suitably syrupy consistency.

He 'drank' a mouthful of the stuff.

Two days earlier, he had received a phone call from Light, asking to meet him. He hadn't specified _why_ he wanted to meet up, though he had mentioned that there would be… 'guests'.

Of course, L knew exactly what was going on. The love test was over, and Light-kun was showing off (as per usual) by making it such a public finale. Light's plan was going to be to introduce Ame and Delilah to him, vaguely explain the situation and – at the end – reveal that one of the ladies had been chosen to be his girlfriend.

How childish.

And presumptuous, too. The love test had been far too easy to exploit: place a decoy here, arrest a manager there… He had really expected better.

Evidently Misa-san wasn't a good influence on the boy.

He lifted his cup to his lips once again, and lapped up the contents like a dog, which warranted a few strange looks from the other customers.

… He didn't enjoy waiting. At least, he didn't enjoy waiting for things like this. Holding a stakeout was one thing – being kept on tenterhooks before he had the chance to publicly humiliate Light again was another thing entirely. He impatiently ordered his third beverage of the morning – this time, tea – and a plate of cookies.

By the time Light and Misa arrived, he had already devoured half of the plate's contents, and was in the middle of dunking a particularly sturdy cookie in his tea (at the correct forty-five degree angle, of course).

They stood in the doorway for a while, talking to someone outside – from the sounds of it, Yagami-san had given them a lift, and they were asking him to wait outside for them. Then, when they had finished, they casually walked up to L's table and sat down.

"Hello, Takeshi," said Light, smiling.

"Yagami-kun," he nodded.

"We're going to _make love_ after this!" Misa trilled to no one in particular.

"Hello to you too, Misa-san," said L.

"I trust the other guests haven't arrived yet," said Light. "Or at least I hope they haven't, because I asked them to arrive a little later anyway – it would make things a little difficult if they were already here."

"No one else has arrived, Yagami-kun. I've been sitting here perfectly alone."

"Oh," Light smiled. "That's good to hear."

"Yes," L frowned.

"It's just… I need to explain something to you before the girls arrive."

"Girls? What, are you getting bored of Misa-san now, Light-kun?"

Two sour faces stared harshly at him.

"No – in fact, it's the opposite, which is exactly why…" Light bit his lip, "I imagine you're going to be less than pleased when I tell you this, Takeshi, but I've invited you here for a specific reason. Misa and I… have been looking for a suitable partner for you."

Even if he had any eyebrows, L wouldn't have raised them. "I… see. So you've invited me here to meet this person, correct?"

Light nodded across the table.

"But you mentioned that you were expecting 'girls' to arrive, not just one 'girl'."

"… Ah. Well… you see, we needed to be able to decide between two of your prospective love interests, and… we…" Light's voice faded to a mumble, "… we… held a love test, to be able to determine which of the girls really deserved to be with you."

"… So… You invited me here to make the final decision."

"Not… exactly."

"You've already decided for me, Light-kun? That's a little unfair of you."

There were a few moments of silence.

"… Again," said Light, "that's not exactly what I meant either."

This time, L didn't have to pretend to sound confused. "So what _is_ happening? Why _did_ you invite me here, Yagami-kun."

Silence stretched on for a few minutes.

… Then, outside, they heard a woman scream.

Light's blank expression faded, and an evil grin spread across his face.

"Very clever of you to try and deceive me, Takeshi," he said, his voice dripping with malice. "Delilah Steen… very clever. In fact, I almost overlooked it. And then… I phoned you, asking you to meet me... and, strangely, you were willing to go along with it. Add to that the fact that Ame's manager had been arrested only recently… It started to seem a little suspicious.

"So I looked up Delilah Steen. You'd obviously really thought this one through, because when I did, I found nothing immediately unusual – there were records of her birth, she had a place on the electoral roll… I could even find evidence of her getting her driver's license. But… I knew that if you were involved, so I hadn't expected on finding any rough edges there…

"Ridiculously," he smirked, "I found something suspicious… in the messages she had sent through the dating site we found her on. You see, I have to admit that I'm quite good with computers, and so it really wasn't much of a problem for me to track her through her IP address… and do you know what I found out?" Not giving L a chance to reply, he ploughed on, "Well, you really can find out anything on the internet these days… I found out who had purchased the PDA that Delilah was using. It was a woman called Erin Weatherby.

"I looked up Erin Weatherby. And _she_ didn't exist. However, there _was_ someone who had gone under the alias of Erin Weatherby, along with many other names… a lady who I found after a bit of searching, called Mary Kenwood – a thief so infamous that, at some point in her past, she had been hunted by police across the globe… and, indeed, she still _is_ a wanted woman. The same Mary Kenwood that you employed as a spy to spoil my plans, and – I would hazard – the same Mary Kenwood that my father has just arrested…"

L stared in disbelief.

"Would you like to see her before she gets sent to court?" said Light, standing up.

The three of them arrived at the door just in time to see Soichiro's car driving off into the distance, with Wedy sitting in the back seat. For what may have been the first time in his life, L's jaw dropped.

"… But…"

"She was a criminal, Takeshi. She was a 'bad' person. And being the son of a police chief and a good friend of a detective, I thought it was my duty to get her caught. And… speaking of capture…"

At that moment, Ame came sprinting down the street. "I'm heeeeeeere, Liiiiiiiiiight-chaaaaaaaaaaaaan!! Just like you aaaaaaaasked!!"

_Exactly as planned._

Light pulled a second set of handcuffs from his pocket.

As the putrid Ame came into reaching distance, the cold metal chain swooped through the air.

*click*

… And, before L had fully recovered from the shock of seeing his cohort being arrested…

*click*

Poetic justice.

Phase one of Light's plan was complete.

"Have a happy time with Ame, Takeshi-chaaaaan," he said, smirking.

He took Misa's hand, and walked away.

Nobody messed with Light Yagami and got away with it.

Nobody.

--

**Author's Note:** _Sorry, L fans... but I couldn't let things roll so easily for him._

_... At any rate - this is a fic about Light and Misa. What were you expecting?_

_Thank you to everyone reading this - unfortunately, you might still have a little more to read (XD)... because now, Light has to get rid of Misa..._

_Reviews, as per usual, are welcomed - but I'm not going to force people into it, obviously - even though I AM really proud of this chapter._

_Stay tuned!_


	37. BONUS: Second Opinion

_He's baaaaack…_

_DISCLAIMER: Death Note… For me? Thank you Ohba-sensei! Thank you, Obata-sensei! Don't worry, I'm only going to borrow it for a while…_

--

**::BONUS 6::**

**LIGHT YAGAMI REVIEW: SECOND OPINION**

**A.I – Alternate Incarceration**

**(Chapters 26-30)**

FFYP-det-Yagami.

My name is Light Yagami. As you may well remember, I sent you a review in early October last year, concerning your fan-fiction entitled 'A.I – Alternate Incarceration'.

Against my better judgement (or perhaps because of it – I didn't want Misa to get any ideas from you without me being aware of what I was up against), I continued to read your fan-fiction after sending the review… and until recently, it appeared that you had not taken my suggestions into account.

However, I am pleased to acknowledge that your last instalment, 'Chapter 30: Doomsday', has changed my opinion of your capability as a writer. Whilst I take little pleasure from depictions of my friends and acquaintances being humiliated, your depiction of my triumph over L is both realistic and entertaining. I am willing to overlook the plot-holes and somewhat confused grasp of grammar, as it is now clear to me that you are – at the very least – trying to improve.

It is unfortunate to note, though, that whilst I am beginning to see you in a different light, there are still some problems that I feel must be addressed. First of all, I do possess some concern about the content of the next chapter: the heavy implications that your Light and Misa characters are going to… indulge one another… are somewhat disconcerting, and – especially considering the 'T' rating – could affect the overall tone and audience for your fan-fiction. I, for one, frown upon depictions of myself in overtly amorous heterosexual _and_ homosexual acts (despite what many people seem to think…), and I am sure – or at least, I _hope_ I'm sure – that many people would agree.

Any intelligent, level-headed person would agree, at any rate.

Secondly, I am somewhat worried about the plan to get rid of Misa. From my own particular point of view, it is difficult to see exactly how this will be achieved – whilst the 'Light' in your story _is_ motivated, he doesn't appear to be _planning_ anything. From experience of earlier chapters, it seems as though you are relying solely on sporadic ideas, and that you have no real narrative planned before you start writing: as can be evidenced by the introduction of Mary 'Wedy' Kenwood (I find it difficult to believe that ANYONE would be able to guess who the 'mysterious figure' was from the "clues" you gave)… My advice to you is to think calmly about what _could_ happen next, send a reply message to me stating what you have come up with, and then we can discuss it together. I am more than happy to help those in obvious need when they require expert assistance.

Otherwise, keep up the 'good' work.

Regards,

L. Yagami.

P.S. I'm still a little offended by your pen-name. Please do something about it.

--

**Author's Note:** _What a relief… I haven't done something like this for months, and it's always fun to do…_

_To respond to Light's queries…_

_1) Light and Misa getting it on… Well, seeing as I've actually had people expressing their concerns about this anyway, I suppose I should really cover it to make sure that everyone is on the same page…_

_The only reasons I would change any story to an 'M' rating would be because of graphic violence, mature subjects (implications of rape, severe insanity, or use of drugs (which is unlikely) or because it contained more swearing than a sailor could handle. _

_A.I. isn't going to have any of that in it, and I just don't WRITE sex. No matter what happens in the next chapter – or any of the chapters following – the worst that's going to happen is that some people might end up naked, or in a bath/bed together. No descriptions, no explicit actions, no nothing._

_Sorry to burst your bubbles there… XD_

_2) Despite the fact that I admittedly am rather terrible with planning stories (I either plan too much and never write it, or plan too little and end up writing complete nonsense), I know exactly how Light is planning to get rid of Misa. Oh dear… _

_Thanks to readers, reviewers, and people who suggested that I should do this. I should really have publicised my poll in the last chapter…_

_Stay tuned!_


	38. Chapter 31: Distance

_So, the end of the story is coming nearer._

_Admittedly, I've probably got quite a few chapters to go through yet, but…_

_This is the final part. Light's final challenge: to rid himself of Misa._

_As a bit of a cool-down from Chapter 30, this mainly serves to set up the horrors that are to come…_

_DISCLAIMER: Death Note. Legal property of Tsugumi Ohba, Takeshi Obata, and some other guys._

--

**Chapter Thirty One: Distance**

If there was one thing Light had learned from spending the past two weeks chained to Misa, it was this:

Romance was dead… or, if not dead, then terminally ill.

No situation could highlight that quite so prominently than the one he was in now, with a tiny model attempting to straddle his leg as they walked home together.

"Misa…" he said, trying to block out the feeling of awkwardness welling up inside him as the passers-by gaped at them. "You're already quite famous enough without bringing even more attention to yourself. Just… restrain those hormones, please."

Begrudgingly, she obeyed his wishes. "But… Misa is excited… I mean, Misa and Light are going to MAKE LOVE!!"

_Thanks, Misa, _thought Light. _Why not go ahead and broadcast this personal information to the whole world?_

However, he considered himself to be much better at concealing his own emotions than _she_ was, and instead smiled. "Yes, Misa," he whispered softly to her. "Just think – we can spend the rest of the day just revelling in the company of one another. Now, I want this to be just perfect for you, so how about you think – _quietly, to yourself_ – about what would make today even more special? What could we do to make this the best day of your life?"

"Well… well… Misa doesn't need anything except for Light to make her day perfect," she sighed, "but… If Light _really_ wants to make Misa happy so bad, then… I guess you could get some of those candles out again. Oh, and we'd need some romantic music, and… and could we get a Jacuzzi at short notice? Actually, that's probably a bit too much. Or maybe…"

Light raised a finger to her lips.

Misa shut up.

All was good in the world.

--

Misa handcuffing herself to Light was a bit of fun. It didn't hurt anyone.

In the same way, the love test was fine. Perhaps a little stupid, but just a harmless way to waste away a few dull days.

This, on the other hand, was too much.

L scowled at the handcuff dangling off his wrist, as he couldn't even bear thinking about looking at who it was attached to. For one thing, Ame was a constant reminder that he had underestimated Light; and for another, the girl scared the hell out of him, truth be told.

…

What a terrible day he had had so far.

…

They hadn't even bought nice handcuffs, he thought miserably.

Ame's tiny, clawed hand pulled once again on his sleeve. "Buuuuut… are you suuuuuuuuure you're Takeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee…"

"Yes, I'm sure I'm Takeshi," said L, clinging even tighter onto his own knees. "Now, stop talking to me."

The girl's grating voice stopped for only a few moments, before it flared up again. "But Liiiiiiiight-chaaaaaaan said that Takeeeeeeeshi-chaaaaaan was haaaaaaawwwwttt!! You're not haaaaaaaawwwwwtttt, you're weeeeeeeeeeiiiirrrrrd!!"

_Light-kun said that he was looking for a 'suitable' partner for me,_ he thought, a bitter sarcasm setting in. _It appears that I have overestimated his deductive abilities quite a bit, seeing as this certainly isn't the girl I would have chosen…_

"Whaaaaaaat are you dooooooooing?!" Ame shrieked. "You're just staaaaaaaaaring at noooooottttthing!! Thaaaaaaat's weeeeeeeeeeiiiiirrrrd!!"

"It's called 'thinking'," said L. "I doubt you've heard of it."

She hissed like a demonic cat. "You're weeeeeeeeeeiiiirrrd!! I don't like yoooooooouuu, you're weeeeeeeeeeeeiiiiiirrrrd!!"

Silence fell, if only for a few moments. It was only out of fear that he would have to put up with more of Ame's whining voice that motivated L to speak.

"I suppose this is a very productive experience for the both of us, if we see it from a… _positive_ point of view. You have the opportunity to experience true disappointment, in finding out that I don't look as though I could pose in a calendar full of topless firemen; and I… get to learn how to pronounce the word 'weird' using no less than seven syllables."

"… You're…"

"Wee-ee-aee-eei-ih-hih-erd. Yes. I know," said L. "You've already established that."

An awkward silence. It was rare for L to experience awkward silences, or at least silences that were awkward for _him_…

… but with Ame, it was hard to avoid them. She was simply too stupid and too opinionated to handle.

L wished that Watari would hurry up. Watari would bring lockpicks.

Frankly, L had quite enough to sulk over at the moment without having an annoying bimbo attached to him. Light-kun had – he admitted it – beaten him, he would have to spring Wedy from jail _again_…

"Sooooooooooo… What do yoooooooou do for fuuuuuuuuuuun?! If you knoooooooow what fuuuuuuuuuuun meeeeeeeeeaaans, weeeeeeeeeiiirdo…"

He absent-mindedly scratched his knee, because even the most mundane of tasks were more enjoyable than the conversation he was having. "I know what 'fun' is, Ame-san… though I'm not sure that my definition of 'fun' would be the same as yours, for some reason."

"So what dooooooooooo you dooooooooooo!?" she snapped.

After much deliberation, L replied, "… I enjoy basket-weaving, flower-arranging, and spending romantic evenings with Yagami-kun."

He didn't even crack a smile.

"Romaaaaaantic?! But… But Liiiiiiiiiiight-chaaaaaaaaan is a booooooyyyyyyyy!!"

"Oh," he said, without any emotion. "Is that what he told you?"

It took her a while to work out the implications.

"… Eeeeewwwwwwwwww!! Thaaaaaaat's grrrooooossssssssssssssssssss!!"

Perhaps it wasn't quite such a terrible day after all.

It would be better once he'd gotten rid of her, though.

--

All was good in the world.

Light and Misa had arrived home… and, somewhat understandably, Light thought, Misa's hormones were still racing.

But, being the model boyfriend that he was, he had told her that there was something much, much more important that they needed to do first.

She had looked confused, and asked – with all honesty – what on earth could be more important than her having sex with him, and he had replied, with just a few magic words…

"I want to know how to make this day perfect for you. I want to know how to make this the best moment of your life."

She squealed, she hugged him, and then the ideas began. Every tiny romantic thought, every kinky little secret, everything Misa's heart could ever desire flooded her mind…

And she told him.

Every. Single. Detail.

Misa was providing her own distraction…

Oh, the irony.

And, being the model boyfriend that he was, Light wasn't going to stop her from talking until she had finished.

… Then, he would have to begin work on actually _making_ this perfect moment come true. He would not rest – and he would certainly not have sex with her – until he had made her dreams reality.

… The longer she talked, the longer it would take.

Light estimated the preparations taking at least three weeks so far.

Still counting.

As she began her discussion on the finer points of purchasing a love-seat, his mind began to wander…

He was so close now. So achingly close to getting rid of her. His plans were working so perfectly, and… with L, 'Delilah' and Ame finally out of his way…

It would be simple.

Misa was easy to manipulate. In fact, she had done most of the work for him… if not all of it.

The handcuffs.

He watched the chain rattle around his wrist.

The chain that bound them both together, and the chain that would ultimately divide them.

If she hadn't been so eager keep him captive, and if she were in possession of just an ounce of subtlety…

If her plan hadn't been so ridiculous…

Light genuinely smiled.

Far away, on the other side of the chain, Misa smiled too.

_Stupid girl,_ he thought. _Poor, poor, stupid girl._

The handcuffs hadn't kept them together. They had only succeeded in pushing them further apart.

In due time…

Soon…

She would understand.

And Light would be free.

He would win.

The lock was the key.

--

**Author's Note:** _A chapter filled with nothing, but a GOOD kind of nothing._

_Got you all thinking? Does anyone have an idea what Light's plan might be?_

… _I imagine you probably do, and they're probably much better than what I've actually got planned… but I'm interested to know. So, if you feel like sharing your thoughts, don't hesitate to do so._

_Thank you to everyone who has read this story, to everyone still reading it, and to everyone who finds this story in the future. I don't mind if you love it, hate it, or anything between… so long as I haven't paralysed you with boredom, I'm happy._

_Group hug?_

_Anyway, the next – considerably more active – chapter should be up within the week._

_Stay tuned!_


	39. Chapter 32: Loose

_Ahh… This past two weeks or so have been utterly bizarre. Difficult and awkward, but at the same time extremely positive. It feels like several months have passed in only a relatively short space of time, and – believe it or not – I'm still dazed from everything that's happened in my life recently._

… _But that' s not really important here. I'm not here to talk about me, I'm here to write stories. And if there's one thing you don't want in a piece of fan-fiction, it's the author yapping about real-life stuff: that's a lesson yet to be learned by the dreaded Mary-Sue writers out there…_

_So, without going into anything further, I'll just say that I'm sorry that writing this chapter has taken two weeks instead of one, and get on with things._

_As a heads up, this chapter probably won't concern Light or Misa at all. I'm saving that for later… For now, I'm lining up the last part of the sub-plot._

_Hello, all you L fans out there!_

_DISCLAIMER: Given that I don't have a cool name like Tsugumi Ohba or Takeshi Obata, I'm unfortunately not a creator of Death Note. That kind of sucks._

--

**Chapter Thirty Two: Loose**

"L," said Wedy, calmly. "Watari, I would like to speak to L, please."

"And as I've said before, Miss Kenwood, he isn't here. In fact, I should be picking him up as we speak, so if you don't mind…"

"This is my ONE phone call, Watari," she said, nibbling her fingernail absent-mindedly. "If I don't get to speak with him soon, I _will_ be locked up indefinitely."

"I do sympathise with you, I truly do, but my loyalties lie primarily with L here. My main priority at this moment in time is to retrieve him and remove the handcuffs connecting him and the young Ame girl."

"… Of course," she replied irritably. "I understand. Ame is quite an annoying young woman, and I personally wouldn't want to spend any amount of time alone with her. Just remember that I'm still here."

Before Watari had a chance to reply, she placed the phone down. She scowled at the policeman on the other side of the table, and tightened her knees closer to her chest.

The last week had been… an experience for her. She had spent the last 165 hours awake, looking at computer screens, and drinking coffee. Her entire life had revolved around the observation and careful consideration of an individual's actions…

She eyed the policeman's plastic cup of coffee enviously.

"I'm hungry," she said. "Is it possible for you to get me… a slice of cake?"

--

A while later…

A sleek black car rolled up in front of the café, and a rather distinguished old man clambered out of the driver's seat. He made his way inside.

Through a mouthful of parfait, Ame pointed at the man in disgust. "Ewwwwwwww!! You knooooooooow, I don't think ooooooooooolllllld people should beeeeeeee alllllllllooooowwwwed, do yooooooou?!"

After sneaking another few spoonfuls of his detestable companion's dessert, L looked up.

"Actually, I'm quite fond of the elderly," he sniffed. "And _he _– " he pointed, " – is not just any old person. For your information, that is Watari."

"Do I loooooook like I caaaaaaaaaare!? He's just a creeeeeeeepy ooooooollld maaaaaaan-chaaaaaan!!"

"I see," said L, standing up, taking great care to accidentally knock the bowl of parfait all over Ame as he did so. "Sorry about that."

Ame shrieked. "Whaaaaat did you dooooooo thaaaaaaaaat forrrrr!?!"

"I was finished eating, and I wanted to put the rest of the food to good use," he said, waving to try and catch Watari's attention. "I might as well make the most out of what I have at the moment."

Despite – or perhaps because of the incomprehensible yelps of protest, Watari located the pair and instinctively withdrew a small black box. He flipped open the lid, and in a single swift movement, chose a lockpick and inserted into one of the keyholes on the handcuffs connecting L and Ame. He made a slick movement with his hand, and there was a dull clunk.

The cuff slid easily from L's wrist.

"Thank you, Watari. I will be waiting in the car."

Leaving the older man to pick Ame's cuff, L plodded out of the café and threw open the door of the black car. He clambered inside.

He was free of Ame-chan, but… Light's victory had caused him a lot more problems. Of course, he was brooding over the idea of revenge, but the small matter of springing Wedy from jail was far more important.

Though… the fact that Light uncovering Wedy could lead the police to the conclusion that L was willing to employ known criminals… That was serious too. If that kind of information got out, the police would lose their faith in him, and…

… This was a fine mess he'd found himself in. If he helped Wedy escape the law as L, the name would be permanently blackened. And if he _didn't_ help her…

… Well, that wasn't even an option.

He couldn't let her escape on her own, because that would make her an even more wanted woman than she was already, and it would be foolish to use another criminal – like Aiber – to act in his place, because that would be risking another arrest.

As hard as he thought about it, there was really only one way he could think of solving the problem.

…

The first thing he needed to do…

… was buy a suit.

--

"It itches."

Watari frowned. "Be sensible."

"But it _does_ itch. And it pinches my shoulders. The jacket's far too stiff, and the cuffs get in the way."

"_L_."

"And the collar is too tight," L fidgeted, as Watari adjusted his tie. "How do you wear these things all the time?"

"It's quite simple. I put on each item of clothing, one at a time, and most importantly – _I don't complain about it._ Now come on, and stop moaning. You were the one who decided that you needed to wear a suit in the first place, so don't go blaming me."

With a sigh, L nodded. "Fine…" he murmured, slumping forwards like a sulky child. "But just so you know – I hate this plan of mine."

"Perhaps it will teach you not to mess around with other people's lives," Watari made a vain attempt to straighten his shoulders, and gave him a stern smile. "You look quite presentable, by the way."

L took a look in the mirror. The person staring back at him certainly didn't look presentable to him, but then again, he would be the first to admit that he wasn't a particularly fashionably-minded person. Perhaps looking harassed, uncomfortable and dishevelled was in this season.

The plan was… well, it was _supposed_ to be simple: L would take the matter of Wedy's arrest to court, behind the persona of Wedy's private lawyer. Watari would make sure that the members of the police and the SPK that had been in contact with L were preoccupied during the trial…

He knew the plan was a little risky, but unfortunately it was the only option available to him.

… Not to mention the fact that he had to wear a _suit_.

Damn that Light Yagami. Damn him to hell.

--

**Author's Note:** _… Yeah, I know. I make you wait for ages, and then I give you something as short and pointless as this. Sure, it means I'm going to put L in a suit, but… where's the drama? Where's the plot?_

… _It's waiting in the wings, as it usually does. Did I really promise that this chapter would be, and I quote, 'considerably more active'? … I'm sorry, everyone. The next five or six chapters promise to be action-packed, and positively ridiculous, because they plot requires it now, and I can't just let Light sit around forever… More strangeness coming soon!! Which is exactly the way it should be. XD_

_Thank you, thank you readers. Thank you, whether you're reviewing, or just reading, or maybe even giving up on this story because the closer it gets to the end, the more ludicrous it becomes…_

_A shiny new chapter should arrive very soon. Keep your eyes peeled, as much as I'm disturbed by that expression… Which is why I tend to say…_

_Stay tuned!_


	40. Chapter 33: Revelations

_It's rather strange to think that this story has spawned Light in a tiny bathing costume, a painfully awkward photo-shoot and following bath scene, the complete dilapidation of Wedy's psyche, the horrific monster I've created that is Ame-chan, and now… L in a suit._

_Oh dear, L in a suit._

_L is not a happy teddy._

_DISCLAIMER: Oh, and by the way, most of the stuff in this story belongs to somebody else. Just so you know._

--

**Chapter Thirty Three: Revelations**

The door flew open with a bang, and the police officer leapt to his feet.

"I didn't think anyone else had permission to enter here. Who are –"

A pale hand shot forward, a cheap business card clutched between the first and middle finger. "Reggie Underson. I'm this little lady's attorney, if you don't mind. Can you go and get me a coffee? There's a good man."

The police officer stared at him a while. Messy black hair, dark rings under his eyes, bad posture, a badly-fitting suit… "You don't look much like an attorney to me," he said.

The man before him narrowed his eyes. "If you don't mind, I thought it was a police officer's job to judge people on more than just surface appearance. Now, I've had a hard day so far, so just go and get me that coffee, okay?" Without asking, the man then took off his shoes and clambered onto a vacant chair in the interrogation room, crouching very much like the prisoner – Ms. Kenwood – was. "I need some time to talk with my client, if you don't mind."

The police officer frowned, but didn't argue. He slipped out of the door.

Silence, and then…

"I didn't expect to see you wearing a suit, L," Wedy smiled.

"Shut up," said L.

--

_The next day…_

Light Yagami stretched and yawned. Beside him, Misa was dribbling all over the sheets.

Another beautiful morning. Well… almost.

Light reached over to the book he had left by the side of his bed, and began to read. At least he had an hour or two of peace before she woke up…

He lay back, and relaxed. There was nothing else he could do, or needed to do. Nothing at all.

However, something was annoying him. As he tried to focus on the words he was reading, an annoying buzzing noise rattled through his head.

Buzzing…?

He put down the book, and reached out for his mobile phone on the desk. As he had expected, it was ringing. He answered it.

"Hello?" he said.

"Hello, handsome," said Narita-san. "Sorry to bug you again, especially in your alone time with Miss Misa," he giggled, "but… I've got something important I need to ask you two. I'm not sure how you're going to take it, though…"

Considering that these words were coming from Narita-san's mouth, Light was instantly wary. "… What _exactly_ does this request entail?"

"Strictly business, unfortunately… I should probably be talking this over with Miss Misa, to be honest. Is she up?"

Beside him, the model kicked one of her legs randomly into the air, and muttered something about 'that stupid Kiyomi cow'. "No, she's not up... and I don't want to disturb her. Would you like me to take a message?"

"Hmm…" the photographer mused. "… Well, I suppose it wouldn't hurt. There's also the added bonus that I get to hear your hunky voice for a little while longer, Light-chan…"

"What is it that you needed to ask?" Light asked hurriedly.

"Weeellll… Obviously you remember that little photo shoot we had a week or two ago."

"Yes…"

"And you know how popular it was when I got it sold…"

Light remembered Misa's bank balance. "Yes…"

"Well… I've been asked to do another set. By popular demand! Isn't that just daffy?"

"Daffy?"

"I know! I was just phoning to see when she was free, y'see…" Narita-san's voice trailed off.

"Just a moment. You said that you weren't sure how Misa and I were going to take this… but from what you've said so far, this all sounds like good news," said Light. "Where's the catch?"

"… Oh, yeah, about that… Well, I'm really sorry, honey, but…"

Narita-san told him the bad news.

Light started to smile. It was probably the best bad news he had heard in a long, long time. After Narita had finished explaining, he composed himself. "… Well. Of course, I'm going to have to discuss the whole thing with Misa, but I'm sure it will be okay. Thank you for calling, Narita-san. Goodbye."

"See you, Light-chan!" the photographer chirped.

The phone call ended.

"Thank you very much, Narita-san," said Light. He couldn't wait to tell Misa all about it.

--

A court case.

L had only ever been to… three of these. No… four. Once playing the role of the judge, twice as a "randomly chosen" member of the jury, and once – he remembered with a smile – as the defendant.

An attorney… This was a new one.

It was true that L hated all the formalities of the situation. The suit was still uncomfortable, everyone had to be so _polite_ even though all cases are essentially legally-enforced arguments, and… the attorney representing the prosecution looked like a sleazy used car salesman…

Wedy had been called to the stand for questioning, and the prosecution was asking her the most predictable questions: where she was on certain dates, how she came to acquire various items the police had found in her rented apartment, why she had been observing a Japanese idol so closely…

It was all far too direct, and much too clumsy. Whilst L would never consider Wedy to be excessively intelligent, she certainly wouldn't be stupid to trip up on any of these questions. It was simple for her to blank him, and whilst the lawyer kept on smiling, even he knew he was losing.

How depressing.

"So, Miss Kenwood. Does the name 'Thierry Morello' mean anything to you?" the prosecution said. "Only we have reason to believe that…"

"No. I can't say that it means much to me," she shrugged, staring at her feet and wearing a world-weary expression. "I'm sorry, I'm not being much help, am I?"

"It's… It's quite alright." The grimacing smile on his face became a little more strained. "How about this, then: Am I correct in saying that your motorcycle is a Yamaha XJR 1620?"

"Again, no. I do own a motorcycle, but it isn't that particular model. You look a little stressed, by the way. Maybe you should take a seat."

"No… no… No, no no no…" The attorney wiped a substantial amount of sweat from his brow. "I was going to keep this one 'til later on, but… Miss Kenwood?"

"Yes?" said Wedy.

"The investigation team that searched your rented apartment found digital records that you had been keeping contact with someone via email over the past eight days. Also, they found documents containing information about Ame's former manager. The information in those documents was the exact evidence that led him to be arrested only a few days ago. Can you tell us who this mysterious contact of yours was, and exactly how you happened upon this information?"

She didn't even blink.

L watched the scene with renewed interest. He'd been waiting for this moment.

"… I'm not at liberty to tell you who I was contacting over the past eight days," she told the prosecution. "Because of that, I'm also unable to tell you how I acquired the evidence for the Keigo Kotsubaki case."

The attorney gaped. "… Miss Kenwood, you _are_ aware that you're legally required to tell us the truth, correct?"

The judge nodded, and glared at Wedy. "Answer the question, Miss Kenwood."

"I can't. I haven't been granted permission by my commanding officers."

"Your honour," said the attorney. "The defendant is clearly withholding information in order to hinder the progression of the…"

"Objection!" L leapt suddenly from his chair, and pointed squarely in the direction of his opposition. "It's plain to see that the prosecuting attorney has not read my client's files as thoroughly as required. If he had paid attention, he would have noticed several areas where personal information was omitted for legal reasons."

"Please be more specific, Mr. Underson," said the judge, furrowing his brow. "What legal reasons?"

Obviously he hadn't read the files either…

"Your honour… Before I took this case, I made sure to investigate the background of my client – but after enquiring into her employment history and similar, I was given an urgent warning from a branch of the American government. I am under the belief that Mary Kenwood is an agent for the FBI," said L. "… I thought I covered these points in my case notes…"

"O-of course…" said the judge, trying to hide the fact that he evidently hadn't taken the time to read any of the notes before the case began. "Well… Well, erm…" he glanced frantically over at the prosecution. "Do you have any further questions?"

The prosecution squeaked. "Ahem… um… No. No further questions."

"Any questions from the defence?"

L shook his head.

These people were too easy.

--

Back at Light's house, Misa was only beginning to stir from sleep.

Delicately, Light tapped her shoulder, and whispered in her ear. "Misa…"

"Mmnmnnyum?"

"Misa… It's morning. Narita-san called about something important…"

"Mmmargarita-san?"

"Yes, Narita-san. He wanted to talk to you about it, but you weren't awake so… Well, I hope you don't mind, Misa, but I said that you'd be fine with his proposal."

Instantly, Misa sprang into a seated position. "He wants to MARRY Misa? But… But Misa loves Light! Misa can't marry Narita-san, Narita-san is nice but he's all gross and old! Misa is still dreaming, this can't be true!" she wailed. "Misa doesn't want to marry ugly old Narita-san! Misa wants to marry Light, Light is much cuter!"

_I'm so glad to see that her affection is based on more than just physical attraction,_ thought Light, sniggering silently to himself… He'd better put her out of her misery. "No, no, it wasn't a marriage proposal… He mentioned another photo-shoot."

"… Oh," said Misa. "Well… well, next time, just tell me that. You scared me half to death… So… So, Narita-san wants Misa to do another photo-shoot? That's great!"

Light smiled, and put his arm around her. "Yes. In fact, it's better than you think. From the sounds of things, it looks as though you're heading towards the kind of fame that most people can only dream about!"

"Really?" Misa squealed. "Aw, Light! Misa's going to be _so_ famous!"

"You're right… Pretty soon, you'll probably be on the front of every magazine, you'll be doing TV shows – or maybe even films!"

"Misa's going to be a star!"

"And think," said Light, "You're going to be so happy. All that money, all that fame…"

Misa shook her head. "Oh, but nothing makes Misa happier than Light. And if it weren't for you, and this –" she raised her hand, and rattled the handcuff on her wrist "– I wouldn't have all these good things happening to me!"

"I agree… It's just such a pity," Light forced himself to look as forlorn as possible, "that we're going to have to take these handcuffs off so soon."

Her reaction was priceless.

"… Bu… But… What?! Take off… But… But… Why do we need to… What?! You don't mean that… Misa doesn't want to… Is Light going to leave? Why do we… Why… Why do we need to take off the handcuffs?"

"Oh, it's not going to be permanent. Narita-san just said that if you went for another photo-shoot with the handcuffs still on, the public would start getting tired of it. I don't want to hinder your career, and I figured you wouldn't mind the handcuffs coming off for just a short while…"

"Well…" Misa bit her bottom lip. "Well, no… As long as it's only for a short time… They'd go back on right after the photo-shoot, okay?"

"Of course, Misa," said Light.

"Well… Okay then," said Misa.

…

_Stupid girl_, Light sneered. _Stupid, stupid girl._

--

**Author's Note:** _Originally two chapters, now squidged together for your reading enjoyment. Which is good, because without doing that, Chapter 33 would have sucked._

_Light's plan is, as you may have expected, well on its way… and L isn't exactly having a hard time in the courtroom…_

_I'm happy with the way things are turning out. And yes, I know exactly how horrible that sounds, considering the fact that both geniuses are screwing everyone over so badly. Mind you, if I didn't like reading – and consequently writing that kind of stuff, then I wouldn't be a fan of Death Note. XD_

_Thank you to everyone reading this, especially seeing as by doing so, you've inadvertently jogged my memory and helped me to get the story back onto what I really wanted it to be. Thank you, thank you, and thank you._

_Stay tuned! Please!_


	41. Chapter 34: Claustrophobia

_An ironically named, incredibly short chapter._

_How original._

_DISCLAIMER: The stuff written about here really doesn't belong to me._

--

**Chapter Thirty Four: Claustrophobia**

A sharp intake of breath.

A gulp.

A tiny, manicured hand fumbled with a key.

Slowly, regretfully, the fingers extended towards the opening.

The key turned in its lock.

There was a dull clunk.

The handcuff fell from Misa's wrist.

"… Light…?"

Light smiled. "Oh, Misa. Don't tell me you're worried that I'm going to run away."

"Well… umm…" she mumbled, wringing her hands.

"I'm not going to run. You go and pose for that camera, and I promise I'll be waiting for you when you return."

Misa sighed, and shuddered a little. "It's just been a while since Misa hasn't had Light right by her side. It'll be lonely."

"I know, I know…" He wrapped a comforting arm around her shoulder. "But you'll be fine."

She made her goodbyes, and scampered off to meet Narita-san.

…

Freedom.

It had been a long time since he hadn't had Misa clamped to his side. After the shaky first days of his unjust incarceration, she hadn't let him out of her sight… and as his last memory of being alone involved being chained to a lamppost about two weeks ago…

He welcomed it.

A lot had changed between then and now.

He had built the foundations of their 'romantic relationship'. Misa had started on the road to stardom. L had been thwarted. And Light, as a person, had grown.

The situation had altered.

The world was starting to turn in his favour.

If he had been given this same opportunity – no handcuffs, no physical tethers – two weeks ago, he would have bolted. Misa wouldn't have seen him for dust.

But he had _learned_. If he ran, she would still pursue him…

He needed to do something a little more permanent.

With a grin, he took out the phone that Misa had given him.

He had an hour or two to play with.

He had time.

--

Ame was furious.

In the space of seven days, she had lost her manager, been beaten by Misa-chan, publicly humiliated, suffered several bruises and nosebleeds, stalked, and chained to a not-very-hunky man who spent his time with an old man and tipped something into her lap. On purpose.

It had not been a good week.

At all.

And now that the love test had subsided, and her subsequent rage had died down, she had nothing to return to.

No job, no life – nothing.

What should she do? What _could_ she do?

…

The most important thing was, of course, making herself popular again. Someone as brilliant and gorgeous as her _deserved_ to be impossibly famous – the public _needed_ her to be.

What would make her popular? What would bring attention to her?

What, she wondered, would be cool and unique, and just scream "I'm a sassy, sexy individual who sets trends and owns a really expensive luxury apartment"?

…

She took out her mobile phone, and rang the first male person on her list. It didn't matter who it was, so long as he wasn't ugly (and Ame _didn't_ talk to ugly people).

…

"Hello?" said the man's voice, over the phone.

"Hiiiiii!! It's Aaaaaame-chan!! I was wooooonnnnnnnderiiiiiing… Do yoooooou have any haaaaaaaandcuffs?!"

Handcuffing herself to a handsome young man.

Sometimes, Ame even surprised herself.

Pure genius.

--

"You know," Wedy muttered, "that was probably the single most stupid thing I've ever seen you do."

L's eyes seemed to glow through the darkness within the car. "It worked, didn't it?"

"Yes, it did. But… The FBI?"

"The FBI," the detective stared out of the tinted, one-way glass window, and clutched his knees tightly. "Does it _really_ matter how I got you out of there?"

"… I just thought that a certified genius would have come up with a better argument than, 'my client is a secret member of a high-security American government organisation."

"Don't argue," said L.

Nobody spoke for a long time. The only sound to be heard was the passing traffic.

It was dark, and warm, and comfortable.

Through coffee-fuelled mists, Wedy struck upon a deep-seated realisation: for more than a week… through the love test, the observation, her arrest, and the entire trial… she had barely – if at all – slept.

Her eyelids began the long, unfamiliar trek down the surface of her irises.

It felt… painful, yet comfortable…

It felt good…

It felt…

…

L heard the first few gasping snores of the exhausted woman falling asleep.

At least someone was happy.

--

_An hour or two later…_

"Liiiight! I missed you so much! Have you been missing Misa too?"

Reflexively, Light snapped his mobile phone shut. "Hello, Misa. How was your photo shoot?"

"Oh… It was okay," the model beamed, wrapping her arms around him, quickly whipping out the infamous handcuffs. "A bit lonely without _you_… Who were you talking to? I saw you ending a phone call…"

"It wasn't anyone important," he said. "So… what about those handcuffs?"

Obediently, Misa fumbled with the chain and reattached the cuffs. "That feels so much better," she sighed.

Light nodded, and put out his arm. "Home?"

Linking arms with him, Misa began to giggle. "That's so romantic! Yes, Misa can't _wait_ to get you home…"

"Calm yourself, Misa!" he smiled.

_You're going to need all the energy you have…_

--

**Author's Note:** _I was aiming for this chapter to actually feel claustrophobic, and whilst I'm not sure whether many people will agree with me, I actually managed to scare myself whilst I was writing this. Light Yagami is a thoroughly bothersome young man…_

_Thanks to everyone who read this – the next chapter'll be longer, I promise, and probably a lot more eventful. Who knows? With the speed at which this is going, the next chapter could even mark the end for Misa._

_And yes, I did just say that._

_Still, I'm not sure… I don't plan out the process, so please don't quote me on that one! ^^;_

_Stay tuned!_


	42. Chapter 35: Ring

_Hello there._

_This is a story called AI: Alternate Incarceration. It's a Death Note fanfic, about Light and Misa. They wear handcuffs._

… _Just trying to jog your memories. After all, it has been quite a while. About a month, by my reckoning._

_But yes. We're back._

_Just… not for long, as you will soon see._

_DISCLAIMER: Death Note is a popular manga and anime series which began publication in 2004. I doubt that anything I would have written in 2004 would even be considered for publishing. And… why would I get my work published in a country I don't live in? And why would I write fanfiction about it afterwards? All in all, Death Note isn't mine. Glad I've straightened that out._

--

**Chapter Thirty Five: Ring**

_Ring_…

Misa cast a furtive glance over at the phone. She knew she should pick it up… but…

_Ring…_

There it was again.

She tried to calm down. Perhaps it was someone else. Maybe… maybe it was just someone calling her for a chat, or just another fan that had gotten hold of her number. It didn't _have_ to be her again. It was probably someone else.

Yes, that was it. It was just another fan. Probably.

_Ring…_

Misa winced, and tried to ignore it.

…

_Ring-ring…_

She knew it was only her imagination, but it seemed to be getting louder…

_Ring-ring-ring-ring…_

She bit her bottom lip, closed her eyes, tried to shut out the annoying noise, clamped her hands over her ears…

_Ring-ring-ri…_

Misa felt something hard and plastic touch her palm. She blinked her eyes open.

"Misa." Light smiled sternly at her. "The phone. It's for you."

She donned her sweetest smile. "Thank you, Light!"

He narrowed his eyes. "It's for you," he repeated.

Her smile became a little more strained as she raised the phone to her ear.

"Hello?" she said.

"Hello again," said her manager.

Light settled into his chair beside her and smiled to himself. For the past few days, Misa had been receiving a lot of phone calls – from her manager, from advertising companies, from magazines and freelance photographers, from late-night celebrity chat shows… It seemed that everyone wanted a piece of her. Whilst her popularity had been slowly spiralling out of control ever since she had been sighted handcuffed to him, Light noticed that there had been an absolute explosion of late.

It was strange. And, he mused, surprisingly convenient. The fact that he had made phone calls on her behalf to help promote her, and that he had given out bogus rumours about Misa to media moguls was – of course – completely unrelated.

Completely and utterly unrelated.

The smile grew a little wider.

Misa was passionate about being a model. The only thing she loved more than him – or at least in equal amounts to him – was getting herself noticed. She lived to be photographed. She pouted, therefore she was.

And, because of that, there was no way she was about to turn down any offer to throw herself in the spotlight, especially seeing as there was _so much_ interest in her.

But at the same time, even Misa had realised what the consequences of taking so much work on would be. More work meant less play, and the less time she could spend whiling away pointless hours with Light…

Sooner or later, she would have to make a choice.

Her career, or him.

The smile slowly twisted into a smirk.

Her money or her life.

He didn't care about enduring the constant buzzing of the phone, or having to put up with Misa telling him every excruciating detail of her phone conversations.

He was waiting. A time would soon arise where she was going to have to choose. A time, more importantly, where she was going to ask him for advice.

Light Yagami was good at advice. No matter what the problem, his solutions always managed to make everyone happy.

Especially Light Yagami.

Poor, poor Misa.

The plan had been… simple.

Now that he looked back on it, it had always been simple.

Misa had presented a problem, there was no doubt about that – but with that problem she presented her own solution with it. It was unfortunate, if he gave any amount of sentimental thought to it, because that _was_ Misa: as much as she strived towards happiness, her confused, conflicting approach to matters was what shot her dreams to pieces.

She wanted Light to love her, so she bound him up and forced him into affection, giving him no alternative but to hate her in return. And, with his determination, it was only a matter of time.

A matter of time…

He was still waiting.

But he wouldn't be waiting for long.

Misa put the phone down, and sighed. A minute or two later, it started ringing once again.

No. It wouldn't be long at all.


	43. Chapter 36: Eradication

**Chapter Thirty Six: Eradication**

_Four days later…_

-

Tomorrow was Sayu's birthday.

In only a handful of hours, she would be eating whatever breakfast she so desired, and preparing herself for the action-packed day that lay ahead. She would be opening her presents, marvelling at Light's remarkable choice in fashion whilst she tried on her new dress, going out with her friends, lazing about and doing whatever the hell she wanted…

And in the evening, the Yagami family would be going out for a meal. Amusingly, they would be eating in the very restaurant where Light and Misa had met Ame-chan a couple of weeks ago. They would eat, and talk, and have fun – as a family.

Soichiro, Sachiko, Light, Sayu…

… and, as the handcuffs so required it, Misa.

Sayu said she didn't mind, so long as she could invite a couple of friends along too. She _liked_ Misa, at any rate. At least Light wasn't hanging around with that creepy, bug-eyed guy she sometimes saw him with.

The day was going to work out perfectly.

Well…

Sort of.

… Or, more accurately…

It was going to work out _almost_ perfectly.

--

"Hurry up! We've got to get to the next studio in _ten_… no, no… _eight_ minutes! And – aah!! No, Misa needs to get changed too! And Light! We can't do two interviews in the same outfits – we'd look… we'd look… _eurgh!!_"

"Misa," gasped Light, trying to keep up with her as they sprinted down the street, "I don't think that… I don't… I don't think anyone… would mind…"

"Well _I_ would! Do you know what _kind_ of people wear the same outfit to _two_ interviews? I mean – pfft – _Ame_ would do that sort of thing, and you know how popular _she_ is!"

"That's not very nice, Misa."

"Neither is she! I don't know why we had to put up with her for so long, she's so _annoying!!_ Aren't you glad you've got Misa instead of her, Light?"

Light shrugged. Admittedly, he far preferred the model handcuffed to him over Ame, but that wasn't saying much. He'd prefer to slip snapping turtles into his underpants rather than spend time with Ame.

"Augh… Misa is getting _tired_," she sighed. "Light, could you call a cab to take us to the next studio, pleeease?"

Evidently, Misa wasn't a particularly skilled mathematician. Due to the fact that it would take fifteen minutes to actually _walk_ to the place, it was true that it would take only five or so minutes to be driven there – though this wasn't taking into account the fact that they would have to call a cab first, which could take any amount of time between five and fifty minutes.

"If we take into consideration… the amount of time it would take to actually… to actually _find_ a taxi, that would probably take… even longer than if we just… walked," he coughed. "… Look, Misa. You're just going to have to face the fact that we… we can't keep to these ridiculous deadlines. Phone ahead and tell them that you're going to be late."

"But…" Misa pouted. "But if I'm late for this one, then it'll probably run into the time I'm scheduled for another photo shoot! Misa would get a reputation for being late – and not just fashionably late!"

"Then cancel this one."

"I can't do that!!"

"_Cancel_ it, Misa."

"No!!" she wailed.

"Just CANCEL IT, or I'll do it!" he shouted, surprising even himself with the anger in his voice. "I don't know about you, but I frankly can't keep running around after you all the time! I've got things I need to be doing too, like work for my classes and preparing for my sister's birthday tomorrow, and… this just isn't _working_, okay?"

Misa stared.

Light stared back.

Slowly, her jaw fell open.

He raised an eyebrow.

"Bu…"

"_Misa._"

Promptly, as if on cue, her eyes filled up with tears.

"… You're right, Light," she mumbled. "You're always right. But… but what should…?"

"What should Misa do?" said Light, placing a hand on her shoulder. "What – " he smirked to himself, " – can you do – " his eyes stared coldly into hers, " – to make it all right?"

Misa nodded pathetically, and gulped.

"Misa wants Light to be happy, right?"

She nodded again.

"Then the only thing Misa can do," he gave a 'sincere' smile, "is to give Light his freedom. To _take off the handcuffs._"

Slowly, with the first glimmer trickling down her cheek, Misa nodded once more.

-

The people in the street still moved around them, milling about their everyday lives. The crowd barely paid any attention to the crying girl and the stern young man. The sound of keys clicking shakily within their locks were lost to the sound of footsteps and mundane chatter.

Light Yagami had left home that morning as a captive. A plaything, a puppet dangling from Misa's wrist.

He cast a satisfied glance at his unfettered wrist, and patted his torturer calmly upon the shoulder. He watched her walk into the distance with a smile.

He was FREE.

He was finally FREE.


	44. Chapter 37: Triumph

… _Welcome to the thirty-seventh and final chapter of A.I… No, really._

…

_Before you read on to see the 'thrilling' conclusion (ahem), I'd just like to mention that – whilst writing this fanfic, I had absolutely no idea how long it would last. Therefore, it was by complete chance that the first page of Death Note's chapter 37 happens to be…_

… _No. I won't spoil it for you. It's far, far too ironic…_

_But enough of that._

_On with the show, people!_

-

**Chapter Thirty Seven: Triumph**

Light's plan, as always, had gone perfectly.

In only a relatively short space of time, he had managed to outsmart the greatest detective in the world, get rid of Misa, AND even managed to keep a relatively normal life secure for himself in the process.

He had performed the impossible, and he had received his just reward of absolute freedom.

He had achieved so much.

Now, he could return to life, and live it as he deemed fit. He _deserved_ it.

The only problem was…

His plan hadn't gone perfectly. Not quite.

In all his planning, in all his hard work, and through all his achievements, he had overlooked one minor detail…

He stared vacantly at the pages of a book. He wasn't reading – and to be honest, he hadn't really read the other three books that sat on the desk beside him. He had read them all before, and knew some of them off by heart.

The television was on, but he had no interest in what it had to show him. Nor did he cast a glance over at the flickering screen of his computer.

Ritualistically, mechanically, he tilted his head upwards to look at the clock.

The time was seventeen minutes and thirty seven seconds past four in the afternoon. Exactly fifty-four seconds since he had last checked.

His eyes trudged back towards the book. He painstakingly wandered down exactly twenty three lines, sighed, and looked back up at the clock.

The time was eighteen minutes and thirty one seconds past four in the afternoon. Exactly fifty-four seconds since he had last checked.

Slightly out of sync with the rhythm of things, he muttered 'Fuck' under his breath and slammed his head down hard upon the desk.

He was bored. So painfully, abysmally bored. So bored that the only excitement he could see glimmering at the end of the tunnel was that, in about six hours, he would be going to sleep, so he would have a brief respite before the waves of boredom came crashing back at seven o'clock sharp the next morning.

Pondering carefully into the situation, he raised his head a little, and slammed his head back into the desk. Perhaps – _perhaps_ – he would knock out so many brain cells that he would begin to find mundane things more entertaining. Then, maybe, he would be able to preoccupy himself with stupid little things, such as action movies or – he shuddered at the thought – writing fan-fiction.

No. No, he would rather bear the boredom than do something like that to himself.

He would just have to face facts: without L or Misa…

Life was dull.

It was a rather awkward moment, realising that his life had become so dependent on them over the past few weeks.

Perhaps…

_Perhaps…_

He looked at the mobile phone on the desk. He still had the one Misa had loaned him.

He picked it up, and typed in a number.

He would phone L. L would probably be up for a game of tennis, or wouldn't mind a chat, or would at least provide an interesting argument about giving him back his mobile phone, or…

The dial tone ended.

"Hello?" said L.

"Hello, L," said Light.

"Oh," said L.

"I was just wondering… if…"

The phone buzzed in his ear.

L had ended the call.

"Oh," said Light.

L obviously wasn't in the mood for a conversation.

Which left him, once again, alone.

He sat there for a few moments, soaking in the boredom that lingered around him.

…

No.

He couldn't take it any more.

He needed something. Anything, just to take his mind off the boredom.

Light's hands clutched the mobile phone tightly as he dialled the next number. He _needed_ to contact someone, he _needed_ someone to make a mess for him to clear up, he _needed_ something to do, he _needed_…

He lifted the phone to his ear.

"Moshi-moshi!" said the voice at the other end.

Light Yagami took a deep breath, and closed his eyes.

"Hello Misa. I was wondering… would you happen to be free any time soon?"

-

_**Special Thanks to:**_

_AA TTrue GGamer, Aishia12675, Akumei, Angel-wing2, Anime-StarWars-fan-zach, AnimePrincess411, ApRiiNoT, Artemis Day, baiser moi, Black Lotus Flower, Chantel., CitrusLove, cobra-2k, Death By Ramen, Dragoness243, Edalene Esse, eleutheriac, Emerald Skies, ethereal-eternal, explosive-hearts, fantastic heather, FFYP-det-Lawliet, Fr05ty-10, fruit loop zombie, G, Geenie ate me, Hairesis, Haruki Rina, heitone, if we all lived in closets, Jariel, Kaito Aozora, Konoha's Kage, Lawful Good, leonazo, Liesie, Linxcat, Meilag32, melodyfireprincess, Millix, Mint Pearl Voice, Miss Layla, mistyisme, NAC, NekoDoodle, Oh My Kira, pffffftttcindy, Pockie, POINKPOINK, Queen Arceus, Raisengan, Robots Need Love Too, rurika, Sage347, sefieshuko, Sirena-Lune, SkywardShadow, Sonzai Taz, The Aggressive Scribbler, The Alias, threemillionworded, willdr, Wing the Swordsman, wistfulXdreams, WithABunny, XxnekobeyondbirthdayxX, Yokai no Miko, Yumi-of-the-Wind, Zaywex, Zexs, ZoneRobotnik, and anyone else who is in any way affiliated with AI: Alternate Incarceration._

_With the exception of me, 'cause I wrote it. XD_

_End transmission._


	45. BONUS: Review Finale

**A.I. FINALE BONUS CHAPTER!!**

**No, really.**

_After posting the last chapter of A.I., I received a review from _'if we all lived in closets'_, which read:_

"...too bad we didn't get to hear from Ame-chan again. Do you think she or someone else could submit a review? To comemmorate the last chapter?"

_And I thought about it._

_And then, in the end, I decided to write a review from Ame's point of view._

_And, after a little more deliberation, I wrote some more reviews._

_And now I'm here, trying to explain exactly why you're reading a bonus chapter of seven completely silly reviews, on a story which I effectively closed earlier this week. Ahem._

_..._

_In order of appearance, the reviews have been "written" by: Ame Hirokawa, Narita Agata, Misa Amane, Light Yagami, Hiroshi (cough - L - cough) Toyama, Nate 'Near' River and Mihael 'Mello' Keehl._

_DISCLAIMER: For the last time, this isn't mine!_

-

REVIEW #1: AME-CHAN

Dear Poopy-face writer man,

I am Ame-chan, and I really think your story is really stupid. I don't even get why half of the things in your story even happen so it must be really stupid. Light-chan and Misa-chan shouldn't have been the main characters because they aren't even like main characters. Light-chan is kind of hot a bit but he isn't even really all that good, and Misa-chan is a stupid ugly bitch who isn't even really that cute either. I totally think they stink.

And before I even say it, you made me really weird. What was with all the big letters? I don't even know what you're talking about because I really don't even talk like that at all. And you know, I'm the only one in your whole story that doesn't say my name right, I think, because I put too many 'A's in it when I'm saying it. I have one 'A' in my name, and I know that, so your story is stupid.

And what was that weird gay man about? That camera man person? Why did you even put him in? Was there a point? He wasn't even hot, and Takeshi wasn't even hot too. All of the men in this story aren't hot enough, like Manager-san and the old man and other ugly people that were really gross and ugly and fat and disgusting and ugly.

So, lastly, I think your story is really shit, and you shouldn't have written it. I didn't even get to be with anyone hot, so your story is stupid and you're gay. I don't like you, and I'm going to so really sue you for saying bad stuff about me, don't think I won't because I will, and I know people, okay? You aren't going to have any money because I'm going to sue you for having a bad story, and then I'll win.

love,  
Ame-chan!  
xoxox

-

REVIEW #2: NARITA-SAN

Dear FFYP-det-Yagami,

You know, I've just been reading your story. You see, I like fanfiction, and I saw your story, and I thought I'd give it a try - and anyway, Misa had been saying how good your story was, and she's usually quite good at these things (she's introduced me to some really good films and books, so... you know).

So, anyway, I took a look at it - and gosh, it's reeally long, isn't it? You must be proud! - and I've got to say that Misa was absolutely right. This story is wonderful, and, ooh. Ooh, yes, I especially liked that bit in the bath, even though you missed out the good bits (if you know what I mean). Of course, I know that I should probably be complaining about how I should be in it a little more, but I don't really mind - I'm not reading these stories to see ME in them, anyway. Where would the fun be in that? No, I think the story being about Light and Misa was really good.

I have a question, though. Seeing that Light ends up going back to Misa at the end (not sure whether I'm happy with that ending - he had at least one other person he could have called upon if he was feeling lonely...), does that mean that their little plans about making their first 'night' together actually happen, or do they start over? Perhaps you should have included that part as the epilogue or something. But, of course, I'm not the expert on these things. I'm definitely not a writer - all that slaving away with words would just BORE me to TEARS - so I'll leave all those little technical doohickeys up to you, okay?

Okay. Now, I've got to run - I've left Misa dangling off the edge of a chaise longue and I simply MUST take a couple of personal snaps before the mood's gone!

Kisses,  
Agata Narita

-

REVIEW #3: MISA-MISA

Hello again FFYP-det-Yagami!

At first I thought the ending of your story was really sad, because it didn't seem like it actually finished.

Then, you updated again! I mean, where were you? You left your story for TWO MONTHS, you know, and that's a long time. You shouldn't keep a girl waiting this long! XD

But anyway, the first last chapter was kind of creepy, and then the second one was horrible because Misa had to go away from Light, and then... well, the last last chapter was weird, but Misa got Light back in the end! Were you inspired by the story Misa wrote? I bet you were!

So yes. You should write a sequel to this, called... called something that isn't so long and weird. Alternate Incubation is a strange name for a story. Don't worry though - Misa forgives you! And yes, you can write a sequel about what happens when Misa and Light get married and have some babies and... other stuff. And it'd be really fun! If you want, Misa can help you write it! Misa is a good writer.

Love,  
xXx Misa-Misa xXx

-

REVIEW #4: LIGHT YAGAMI

FFYP-det-Yagami.

Delete the final chapter and I might not decide to kill you.

I mean it.

Regards,  
L. Yagami

-

REVIEW #5: L LAWLIET

Exactly as planned.  
Thank you for your compliance, FFYP-san.

Hiroshi Toyama

-

REVIEW #6: NATE RIVER

Near again.

Glad to see that you've BOTHERED to update your fanfic.

Congratulations on completing the story.

It still wasn't that good.

-

REVIEW #7: MIHAEL KEEHL

I saw Near typing something on his computer, and I figured he was writing an overall review for your story.

And, of course, I don't want to upset the fans out there, reading this stuff...

To be honest, I haven't read the last couple of chapters. I didn't care about what happened after I reviewed the last time, and I thought this story had died not long after. Still, to my surprise, you really did continue to churn out more pointless chapters. I congratulate you for your perseverance, but do you really think that anyone was READING that stuff?

Sorry, but you're sadly mistaken.

I've just skimmed over the last few chapters of the story, and all I can say is that I'm glad you stopped where you did. Have you read those fanfics that go on and on forever? I mean, who has the time to read those?

Anyway, I don't care about your story, and I don't care if you keep writing or not. Just remember that if you're writing a story, you have to WRITE it rather than let it sit there for months on end.

P.S. To all those fans out there - just to shatter your dreams, Matt is NOT sucking any part of my anatomy whilst I'm writing this. Now stop writing yaoi about us, please.

-

**Author's Note:** _Yeah, okay, so you're all probably sick of this story by now - but really, if anyone wants to ask any questions, or request something, or even just mention something to inadvertently give me an amusing idea for what to write (again, thanks, _'if we all lived in closets_'!) - I really don't mind. Ask away!_


End file.
